So what do you guys reckon! I need advice… my mate Paul who I wanted to sleep with last year or something like that told me last night that he’s always had a connection with me n reckons us banging would be totally awesome haha. I’m torn though. I fully want a relationship when the right person comes along but I don’t know if I should compromise myself for another random one nighter ya know.. Not that it would be all that random or prob a one nighter. The weirdest part is that we met cause he was dating someone i'm no longer friends with and then he introduced me to his best mate who was my fuck buddy for a month or so.. pretty weird situation huh? He’s really nice and we get on great and this could so eff up the friendship…but at the same time I totally think I could get some mad sex from it… and man ive been jonesing for some mad sex.. so I’m putting it to the vote… even if your like a random lurker let me know… cast ya vote!
And on other news I’m going to hang out with Ashley and her crew tomorrow night. It always makes me nervous hangin out with a whole bunch of strangers but at the same time I’m loving getting out there and meeting new people,. And riding in sick as cars as well. I’m talking Fast and the Furious but NZ style lol and I maybe get to drive one! so that will be cool! Just a short post today so…
CAST YA VOTE BIATCHES!
Do I sleep with Paul or not?????
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Monday, April 27, 2009
Another day..Another Drama!
Another day, another drama.
Well last night I talked to my aunty and arranged my trip to the south island. Its going to be so good to meet my family and stuff. They offered for me to stay at their house but I declined. I wanna stay in my own space at a hotel so I have that breathing room.. I wish the others understood how this felt for me. its something so terrifying and its stressing me out already. Im going to be meeting my biological dad. I say meeting but its more getting reaqquainted. I don’t know how it will be with him. Im so unsure of what I expect or want from it all. Im already stressing and im not going till june!! Im mad at him ya know for the fact that he knows where I am and hes well aware of me but hes just sitting on his lazy ass in chch and its like he doesn’t even acknowledge my existence. I feel very all over the show.
I think I just had a fight with gen. I havnt seen her since she moved out and shes been so distant. Both me shane and nic have noticed. It sucks that shes just like not talking to carlos at all. Hes really hurting and theres nothing any of us can do. he was fully getting his flirt on the other night as well. They all got well written off while I stayed in my nice warm house watching sappy movies! I officially love P.s I love you! god knows what will happen with our household. At least shane doesn’t want us to move out. Like I get that I told gen I would move out with her but she cant just shut me out completely and still epect that. I think shes going to end up moving in with tonz or something! Im so happy that my rent doesn’t go up by much! I pay $300.00 a month at the mo and it will only be going up to $350.00. I am having the crappiest day at work with my customers and all its doing is making me want to go home! If Gen n Carlos break up it will really shatter any remaining illusions that real love is possible..
Hmmm I don’t really have much to say I guess…everyone keeps voting that me and shane should bang haha but when I think about like leaning in to kiss him or whatever I sorta shudder as sad as that is! Im so not attracted to him like I mean yeah I get that there is like this friction between us but for me its not sexual. I guess hes kinda the yin and the yang that I need. I can always yell at him or cry to him or just ignore him and its great. I need that in my life ya know.. but as for anything more…NO WAY!!
Well last night I talked to my aunty and arranged my trip to the south island. Its going to be so good to meet my family and stuff. They offered for me to stay at their house but I declined. I wanna stay in my own space at a hotel so I have that breathing room.. I wish the others understood how this felt for me. its something so terrifying and its stressing me out already. Im going to be meeting my biological dad. I say meeting but its more getting reaqquainted. I don’t know how it will be with him. Im so unsure of what I expect or want from it all. Im already stressing and im not going till june!! Im mad at him ya know for the fact that he knows where I am and hes well aware of me but hes just sitting on his lazy ass in chch and its like he doesn’t even acknowledge my existence. I feel very all over the show.
I think I just had a fight with gen. I havnt seen her since she moved out and shes been so distant. Both me shane and nic have noticed. It sucks that shes just like not talking to carlos at all. Hes really hurting and theres nothing any of us can do. he was fully getting his flirt on the other night as well. They all got well written off while I stayed in my nice warm house watching sappy movies! I officially love P.s I love you! god knows what will happen with our household. At least shane doesn’t want us to move out. Like I get that I told gen I would move out with her but she cant just shut me out completely and still epect that. I think shes going to end up moving in with tonz or something! Im so happy that my rent doesn’t go up by much! I pay $300.00 a month at the mo and it will only be going up to $350.00. I am having the crappiest day at work with my customers and all its doing is making me want to go home! If Gen n Carlos break up it will really shatter any remaining illusions that real love is possible..
Hmmm I don’t really have much to say I guess…everyone keeps voting that me and shane should bang haha but when I think about like leaning in to kiss him or whatever I sorta shudder as sad as that is! Im so not attracted to him like I mean yeah I get that there is like this friction between us but for me its not sexual. I guess hes kinda the yin and the yang that I need. I can always yell at him or cry to him or just ignore him and its great. I need that in my life ya know.. but as for anything more…NO WAY!!
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Random Mesh Of Thoughts...
Sometimes i wonder if anything's absolute anymore. Is There Still right and wrong? Good and bad? Truth and lies? Or is everything negotiable,left to interpretation, grey. Sometimes we're forced to bend the truth, transform it, cause we're faced with things that are not of our own making. And sometimes things simply catch up to us.Truth is still absolute. Believe that. Even when that truth is hard and cold, and more painful than you've ever imagined. And even when truth is more cruel than any lie.
Have you ever wondered what marks our time here? If one life can really make an impact on the world...or if the choices we make matter? I believe they do. And I believe that one person can change many lives. For better...or worse.It's all gonna be okay. There comes a time when every life goes off course. In this desperate moment you must choose your direction. Will you fight to stay on the path while others tell you who you are? Or will you label yourself? Will you be honored by your choice? Or will you embrace your new path? Each morning you choose to move forward or to simply give up.Because it´s only when you´re tested that you truly discover who you are. And it´s only when you´re tested that you discover who you can be.
The person that you want to be does exist, somewhere in the other side of hard work and faith, and belief and beyond the HEARTACHE and fear of what life has. But once in a while people push on to something better. Something found just beyond the pain of going it alone and just beyond the bravery and courage it takes to let someone in. Or to give someone a second chance. Something beyond the quite persistence of a dream.
There are moments in our lives when we find ourselves at a crossroad, afraid, confused, without a roadmap. The choices we make in those moments can define the rest of our days. Of course when faced with the unknown, most of us prefer to turn around and go back. You know it's been said that we just don't recognize the significant moments of our lives while they are happening. We grow complacent with ideas, or things or people and we take them for granted and it's usually not until that thing is about to be taken away from you that you've realized how wrong you've been that you realized how much you need it, how much you love it.
Every once in a while people step up, they rise above themselves. Sometimes they surprise you, and sometimes they fall short. Life is funny sometimes, it can push pretty hard, but if you look close enough you find hope in the words of children, in the bars of a song and in the eyes of someone you love. And if you're lucky, and if you're the luckiest person on this entire planet, the person you love decides to love you back. Most of our lives are a series of images, they pass us by like towns on a highway. But sometimes a moment stuns us as it happens and we know that this instant is more than a fleeting image. We know that this moment, every part of it, will live on forever.
What a frightening thing the human is, a mass of gauges and dials and registers, and we can read only a few and those perhaps not accurately. Happiness doesn't come cheap. Hell if it did we would all be smiling. Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark in the hopeless swaps of the not quite, the not yet, and the not at all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish in lonely frustration for the life you deserved and have never been able to reach. The world you desire can be won. It exists. It is real. It is possible. It is yours. It's hard to fight the things we are afraid of. Sometimes we just need a little help.
Henry David Thoreau once wrote, "Live each season as it passes. Breathe the air, drink the drink, taste the fruit, but resign yourself to the influences of each."
Kahlil Gibran once wrote: Your reason and your passion are the rudder and sails of your seafaring soul. If either be broken, you can but toss and drift or else be held at a standstill in mid-seas. For reason, ruling alone, is a force confining. And passion, unattended is a flame that burns to its own destruction.
E.E. Cummings once wrote; To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing it's best, night and day, to make you everybody else, means to fight the hardest battle, which any human being can fight, and never stop fighting. (this is my favourite!)
Robert Louis Stevenson once said, "You cannot run away from a weakness; you must sometimes fight it out or perish. And if that be so, why not now, and where you stand?"
Have you ever wondered what marks our time here? If one life can really make an impact on the world...or if the choices we make matter? I believe they do. And I believe that one person can change many lives. For better...or worse.It's all gonna be okay. There comes a time when every life goes off course. In this desperate moment you must choose your direction. Will you fight to stay on the path while others tell you who you are? Or will you label yourself? Will you be honored by your choice? Or will you embrace your new path? Each morning you choose to move forward or to simply give up.Because it´s only when you´re tested that you truly discover who you are. And it´s only when you´re tested that you discover who you can be.
The person that you want to be does exist, somewhere in the other side of hard work and faith, and belief and beyond the HEARTACHE and fear of what life has. But once in a while people push on to something better. Something found just beyond the pain of going it alone and just beyond the bravery and courage it takes to let someone in. Or to give someone a second chance. Something beyond the quite persistence of a dream.
There are moments in our lives when we find ourselves at a crossroad, afraid, confused, without a roadmap. The choices we make in those moments can define the rest of our days. Of course when faced with the unknown, most of us prefer to turn around and go back. You know it's been said that we just don't recognize the significant moments of our lives while they are happening. We grow complacent with ideas, or things or people and we take them for granted and it's usually not until that thing is about to be taken away from you that you've realized how wrong you've been that you realized how much you need it, how much you love it.
Every once in a while people step up, they rise above themselves. Sometimes they surprise you, and sometimes they fall short. Life is funny sometimes, it can push pretty hard, but if you look close enough you find hope in the words of children, in the bars of a song and in the eyes of someone you love. And if you're lucky, and if you're the luckiest person on this entire planet, the person you love decides to love you back. Most of our lives are a series of images, they pass us by like towns on a highway. But sometimes a moment stuns us as it happens and we know that this instant is more than a fleeting image. We know that this moment, every part of it, will live on forever.
What a frightening thing the human is, a mass of gauges and dials and registers, and we can read only a few and those perhaps not accurately. Happiness doesn't come cheap. Hell if it did we would all be smiling. Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark in the hopeless swaps of the not quite, the not yet, and the not at all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish in lonely frustration for the life you deserved and have never been able to reach. The world you desire can be won. It exists. It is real. It is possible. It is yours. It's hard to fight the things we are afraid of. Sometimes we just need a little help.
Henry David Thoreau once wrote, "Live each season as it passes. Breathe the air, drink the drink, taste the fruit, but resign yourself to the influences of each."
Kahlil Gibran once wrote: Your reason and your passion are the rudder and sails of your seafaring soul. If either be broken, you can but toss and drift or else be held at a standstill in mid-seas. For reason, ruling alone, is a force confining. And passion, unattended is a flame that burns to its own destruction.
E.E. Cummings once wrote; To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing it's best, night and day, to make you everybody else, means to fight the hardest battle, which any human being can fight, and never stop fighting. (this is my favourite!)
Robert Louis Stevenson once said, "You cannot run away from a weakness; you must sometimes fight it out or perish. And if that be so, why not now, and where you stand?"
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Awww!
This is the most amazing song to me at the moment! I freaking love it! Go check it out!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Op4xCixZrOs
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Op4xCixZrOs
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Part time friends and working stress!
Sometimes I fell like my friends and I have part time friendships if you get what I mean. Like nicola for example. She will text me and be really nice etc during work hours but the second shes finished I don’t hear from her. And then when I get home the tension is just weird like were not good friends. I feel like we just go round in circles and it frustrates me. I like my life to be harmonious and just to go with the flow. If everyone could think that way there would be so much less drama. Everyone else is so self absorbed in their own problems that they cant share the joy of my new cousin. Lol she is so cute. Her name is Ruby Antoinette and she was born on the 14th!! I went and saw her for the first time last night. When I got there she was asleep but woke up and my aunty passed her to me and she just opened her eyes instantly and focused on me for like 15 minutes. It was so cool! She is one of those babies that is actually cute and im not saying that just cause shes my cousin haha.
I sent out a text after I saw her telling everyone a how she was and stuff and I didn’t get one response.. I was kinda hurt that noone took the time to say something to me. I know they all have dramz n stuff going on but im here for them 100% even if it means that im putting everyone else first. God I don’t want to be whinging all the time. I want to be like a free spirit and just relaxing. I don’t mind being there for them all but cmon provide me with some happiness!
I am thoroughly bored with my life. I mean im happy enough with it but I just feel like I could be doing more other than breathing and existing. I wanna do something that means something to someone!
Hmmm well we just had a team meeting with our manager. I work as a credit controller for a media company that owns most of the newspapers in my country plus a large number of our media websites, a dating website and our own version of ebay.. last night when I was having dinner at my poppa and nanas house my poppa (who is very young) was on the website of our biggest competitor who does the only country wide daily paper. Anyway he all of a sudden asked me about all the redundancies we were about to make. So I looked at the ariticle and they announced before talking to the staff that there will be a further 70 redundancies on top of the 150 already gone with more to come. And that we will be more than likely startin a new government intiative of having 9 day fortnights rather than ya normal two weeks. Man its so scary to be in these times. My job is relatively safe cause they just told me that we are hiring another person for our dept in july and then another two in October. It annoys me tho because I earn 10 k less than everyone else a year and my tittle has never been changed…ugh I wonder how much money the new people will be on.. and there will be redundancies from our department… im too mad to keep writing!!!!! I might add more later!!!!
I sent out a text after I saw her telling everyone a how she was and stuff and I didn’t get one response.. I was kinda hurt that noone took the time to say something to me. I know they all have dramz n stuff going on but im here for them 100% even if it means that im putting everyone else first. God I don’t want to be whinging all the time. I want to be like a free spirit and just relaxing. I don’t mind being there for them all but cmon provide me with some happiness!
I am thoroughly bored with my life. I mean im happy enough with it but I just feel like I could be doing more other than breathing and existing. I wanna do something that means something to someone!
Hmmm well we just had a team meeting with our manager. I work as a credit controller for a media company that owns most of the newspapers in my country plus a large number of our media websites, a dating website and our own version of ebay.. last night when I was having dinner at my poppa and nanas house my poppa (who is very young) was on the website of our biggest competitor who does the only country wide daily paper. Anyway he all of a sudden asked me about all the redundancies we were about to make. So I looked at the ariticle and they announced before talking to the staff that there will be a further 70 redundancies on top of the 150 already gone with more to come. And that we will be more than likely startin a new government intiative of having 9 day fortnights rather than ya normal two weeks. Man its so scary to be in these times. My job is relatively safe cause they just told me that we are hiring another person for our dept in july and then another two in October. It annoys me tho because I earn 10 k less than everyone else a year and my tittle has never been changed…ugh I wonder how much money the new people will be on.. and there will be redundancies from our department… im too mad to keep writing!!!!! I might add more later!!!!
Monday, April 20, 2009
Borrowed From Steph!!
FEMALE SURVEY: DONT CHICKEN OUT GIRLS!
Does your Facebook password have to do with a boy?:
Yip! Im way too lazy to change it as well cause his name is hard to forget…
What's one thing a guy can do to make you like them?:
have confidence with my friends
Big or small purses?
I love the big ones haha I cant fit everything in the small ones I own!
Do you enjoy drama?
I like other peoples but not my own. At the sametime I hate to see others suffer
Do you call anybody by their last name?
Just carlos and my mate paul!
Can you put on mascara without opening your mouth?
hahaha yeah of course! But not without a mirror!
Have you ever been called a bad influence?
hmm define bad influence…
Eyeliner or mascara?
eyeliner! It’s the one thing I cant live without and I spend $60.00 on it each time!
American Eagle or Hollister?
hmm I cant answer that one!
Heels or Flats?
heels! I have long legs but o always get mondo compliments when I wear heels
Straight or curly hair?
I love my hair being straight but im too much of a boy to put the effort in so I go au naturale!
Hoops or dangling earrings?
I love my little white gold hoop I got for my 21st but I love danglys when I go out!
Have you ever had your heart broken?
Yip by the ex…I think that was a little mutual in the end tho
Do you prefer light or dark haired guys?
dark haired cause most of the time it sets off sexy eyes!
Do you like your life?
I love nearly every part of it
Ever walked into the guy's bathroom?
yeah we do it when we go out to town…tho last time we nearly got kicked outta the club! And always at sporting events haha
Have you ever jumped in the pool with your clothes on?
on the last day of high school my boys came to give me a hug but really they were just checking for my cellphone! They threw me in lol
Ever slapped a guy in the face?
haha yip but he needed it! He apologized to me haha!
Have you ever not been able to get someone off of your mind?
you guys should know that already lol
Do you ever wish you were famous?
if I could sing haha
IN A BOY:
Contacts or Glasses?
doesn’t matter me as long as I get my end away!
Long or short hair?
short…im not to fond of a guy whose hair takes longer than mine to straighten!
Cute or Hot?
cute is good…when I find a guy cute in the end he ends up hot!
Smoker or non-smoker?
doesn’t matter cause ive only just quit!
Tall or short?
tall! Taller than me at least!
You're stuck on an elevator with the person you've fallen the hardest for, what happens?
screw em if I can haha
RANDOMS:
If you woke up in one of the Saw movies, do you think you could survive?
hells no!
When is the last time you were in a photo booth taking pictures with friend?
ummm shit like a year and a half ago!
Have you ever seen someone you knew and purposely avoided seeing them?
haha yip a few times!
Do you know anyone with such a terribly annoying voice that you can't even stand it?
hmmmmmm not at the moment!
On average, what do you think you cry about the most?
Dramas with friends…
Do you think best friends can be replaced?
yeah..ive grown apart from a coupke of friends who o thought I would never lose tho gen and me have never ever lost our relationship! Or me n tonz!
Do you think you have made a difference in anyone's life?
I hope so!
Which of your friends is the easiest to talk to?
Carlos I suppose…he never pressures me
What friend do you tell the most?
carlos or nic
Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?
gen
Wheres the weirdest place you've changed clothes?
umm one day I was wagging school to see my ex and I was getting changed in a traffic jam when I realized the guy in the truck next to me could see me haha
Are you going anywhere next summer?
probably to Australia or Wanaka!
Are you waiting for anyone's call right now??
nope
Are you shy?
nah ive been told im loud n proud!
Are you talkative?
Yup!
Do you announce when you have to pee?
haha yeah when were drinking im prone to say I gotta go hock a wazz although were all like that!
Who was the last person you cried in front of?
ummmmm shane probably…its always shane
Now fill this out ladies!!
Does your Facebook password have to do with a boy?:
Yip! Im way too lazy to change it as well cause his name is hard to forget…
What's one thing a guy can do to make you like them?:
have confidence with my friends
Big or small purses?
I love the big ones haha I cant fit everything in the small ones I own!
Do you enjoy drama?
I like other peoples but not my own. At the sametime I hate to see others suffer
Do you call anybody by their last name?
Just carlos and my mate paul!
Can you put on mascara without opening your mouth?
hahaha yeah of course! But not without a mirror!
Have you ever been called a bad influence?
hmm define bad influence…
Eyeliner or mascara?
eyeliner! It’s the one thing I cant live without and I spend $60.00 on it each time!
American Eagle or Hollister?
hmm I cant answer that one!
Heels or Flats?
heels! I have long legs but o always get mondo compliments when I wear heels
Straight or curly hair?
I love my hair being straight but im too much of a boy to put the effort in so I go au naturale!
Hoops or dangling earrings?
I love my little white gold hoop I got for my 21st but I love danglys when I go out!
Have you ever had your heart broken?
Yip by the ex…I think that was a little mutual in the end tho
Do you prefer light or dark haired guys?
dark haired cause most of the time it sets off sexy eyes!
Do you like your life?
I love nearly every part of it
Ever walked into the guy's bathroom?
yeah we do it when we go out to town…tho last time we nearly got kicked outta the club! And always at sporting events haha
Have you ever jumped in the pool with your clothes on?
on the last day of high school my boys came to give me a hug but really they were just checking for my cellphone! They threw me in lol
Ever slapped a guy in the face?
haha yip but he needed it! He apologized to me haha!
Have you ever not been able to get someone off of your mind?
you guys should know that already lol
Do you ever wish you were famous?
if I could sing haha
IN A BOY:
Contacts or Glasses?
doesn’t matter me as long as I get my end away!
Long or short hair?
short…im not to fond of a guy whose hair takes longer than mine to straighten!
Cute or Hot?
cute is good…when I find a guy cute in the end he ends up hot!
Smoker or non-smoker?
doesn’t matter cause ive only just quit!
Tall or short?
tall! Taller than me at least!
You're stuck on an elevator with the person you've fallen the hardest for, what happens?
screw em if I can haha
RANDOMS:
If you woke up in one of the Saw movies, do you think you could survive?
hells no!
When is the last time you were in a photo booth taking pictures with friend?
ummm shit like a year and a half ago!
Have you ever seen someone you knew and purposely avoided seeing them?
haha yip a few times!
Do you know anyone with such a terribly annoying voice that you can't even stand it?
hmmmmmm not at the moment!
On average, what do you think you cry about the most?
Dramas with friends…
Do you think best friends can be replaced?
yeah..ive grown apart from a coupke of friends who o thought I would never lose tho gen and me have never ever lost our relationship! Or me n tonz!
Do you think you have made a difference in anyone's life?
I hope so!
Which of your friends is the easiest to talk to?
Carlos I suppose…he never pressures me
What friend do you tell the most?
carlos or nic
Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?
gen
Wheres the weirdest place you've changed clothes?
umm one day I was wagging school to see my ex and I was getting changed in a traffic jam when I realized the guy in the truck next to me could see me haha
Are you going anywhere next summer?
probably to Australia or Wanaka!
Are you waiting for anyone's call right now??
nope
Are you shy?
nah ive been told im loud n proud!
Are you talkative?
Yup!
Do you announce when you have to pee?
haha yeah when were drinking im prone to say I gotta go hock a wazz although were all like that!
Who was the last person you cried in front of?
ummmmm shane probably…its always shane
Now fill this out ladies!!
Life is hard...
So things are pretty crazy in my neck of the woods at the moment… Gen n Carl have probably broken up… Gen moved out “temporarily” last night for an unknown amount of time. To be honest I don’t think she will be around. I may not be around to blog much. I’m trying to be a friend to both of them and im already tired. If im not blogging very much its cause im trying to keep my two best friends from hurting too much. I feel for them both so much. Its hard to see gen going through this. She looks like the bad guy when she shouldn’t have to. I told gen that if she chooses not to come back to the flat then I would move out with her..grr im so tired after last night. We had dinner with gen then I hung out with Carl before and after soccer. He’s hurting so bad… maybe this will inspire me to not seek out love lol…
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
