I have two posts I will be doing today. One is to show you some artwork that is really speaking to me at the moment. I have it hanging on my wall in my bedroom! I have a slight obsession with Peyton Sawyer and it’s the stuff she’s done on One Tree Hill. I don’t care if its lame or whatever I like it and it speaks to me. So you will find that below! I know she’s just a character but the music and the artwork and the personality of this person is a lot like me in the end.
Anyway onto my recent events. My morning started off well thanks to my blog girls comments and most of all my post from my girl Steph! She’s one of the only bloggers I talk to outside of blog world on FB and stuff and her shout out to me made me smile for sure so thanks so much Steph! You will find a link to her awesome blog below.
I’m starting to freak out cause I’m going to Christchurch TOMORROW to meet my biological father. I haven’t been sleeping very well this week and I think it’s a combo of not having my girls around me anymore and meeting him and probably 50 other people. I’m the first to admit that I am a crazy ass bitch and not shy mostly. But still this is just going to be intense! I’m so shocked at myself that i've followed through and I haven’t forced one of the boys to come with me. I’m probably going to be blogging about my nerves while I wait at the airport for my aunty and cousin. They’re getting in like 3 hours after me and its definitely gonna be a struggle to stay awake. But oh well maybe I can sleep on the plane.
I miss the girls something chronic at the moment. I want to be with them and I want them there for me but it just aint happening at the moment. Guess I really have lost them. Oh well shit happens in life huh? Ugh i'm to tired to post anymore lol I had a very shit nights sleep but I will post again tomorrow from the airport probably!
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Keep on trucking!
So I guess you could say I’m one of those people that get inspired by others. As you probably know I’ve been considering pursuing what I really want outta life and as my career. I applied for a few jobs but none of them panned out at this stage so I was looking at courses the other night on the net. First of all what inspired me was Nicola is quitting her job and trying to work out whether or not she was gonna go back to school to study something else. And this whole unease with the girl’s thing has really made me put my life back into perspective. Like I mean friends are one thing but to make them your life is a whole other story. I don’t even know where i'm going with this really. I guess it’s more to update those of you who aren’t on facebook. Just cruising along with life really at the moment.
I’ve sorted the dramas in the house out but as for me n gen n Toni I have no idea what will happen there. As to whether or not it does get resolved is another story. I’ve said my piece and told them how I felt but if they won’t take that then there’s nothing I can do.
Nic and I are fine. Obviously our I’m so drunk I wont remember this talk went well. So that’s cool. And we are planning a sort of surprise party for Shane. Nic's going to be in charge of the cake which is awesome!
I need to know with absolute certainty that I can do this course and do it well and I guess I need to have my families backing on it. I spoke to my dad and granddad last night about it and although my dad thinks it should have been done two years ago he is in full support of it. Its would be hard and I would need to find a part time job and shiz before hand so I can be sure I wont starve to death but I really think I can do it ya’ll! Hmm we will see after I go to my family dinner on Saturday night!! I have such a busy weekend on at the moment lol.
I was just speaking to Nic on the phone about me going to jess’s for dinner tonight and I could sense the disapproval but she actually held her tongue. It was nice. I cant remember if I posted about it but I was in a taxi on the way to town with everyone and I guess I owe it to Hads for me n Nic having started talking again. He said it was so sucky seeing his girlfriend hurting cause she was fighting with her best friend and convinced us to talk. So for that I am glad!
Hmm it appears I am all over the place as well. BTW and I don’t say this because I am obsessed but I fully think you should all check out the twilight soundtrack! I have it on constant replay at the moment and im getting into a whole new style of music! Youtube search for the band 100 monkeys and their song :”scientists” as well. That’s is some good music!
I’ve sorted the dramas in the house out but as for me n gen n Toni I have no idea what will happen there. As to whether or not it does get resolved is another story. I’ve said my piece and told them how I felt but if they won’t take that then there’s nothing I can do.
Nic and I are fine. Obviously our I’m so drunk I wont remember this talk went well. So that’s cool. And we are planning a sort of surprise party for Shane. Nic's going to be in charge of the cake which is awesome!
I need to know with absolute certainty that I can do this course and do it well and I guess I need to have my families backing on it. I spoke to my dad and granddad last night about it and although my dad thinks it should have been done two years ago he is in full support of it. Its would be hard and I would need to find a part time job and shiz before hand so I can be sure I wont starve to death but I really think I can do it ya’ll! Hmm we will see after I go to my family dinner on Saturday night!! I have such a busy weekend on at the moment lol.
I was just speaking to Nic on the phone about me going to jess’s for dinner tonight and I could sense the disapproval but she actually held her tongue. It was nice. I cant remember if I posted about it but I was in a taxi on the way to town with everyone and I guess I owe it to Hads for me n Nic having started talking again. He said it was so sucky seeing his girlfriend hurting cause she was fighting with her best friend and convinced us to talk. So for that I am glad!
Hmm it appears I am all over the place as well. BTW and I don’t say this because I am obsessed but I fully think you should all check out the twilight soundtrack! I have it on constant replay at the moment and im getting into a whole new style of music! Youtube search for the band 100 monkeys and their song :”scientists” as well. That’s is some good music!
Sunday, May 10, 2009
Spinning...
Fuck! That’s the only word I can think right now! My aunty just emailed me through contact details for my biological dad. I don’t know what to think or what to do with the information that ive been given. The urge to dial his number right now is so extreme but I don’t know what I would say to him or how to talk to him or anything… I also got given his postal address so im thinking about writing him a letter… my head is spinning. That’s the only thing I know right now. It sucks that I cant talk to the girls about this either. I would love to be able to talk to them..
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
A new perspective!
Today I woke up in a much better mindset! I spent a lot of last night thinking and making decisions. Im still taking steps towards being the person I want to be and I feel good about it! I think ive lost a little weight. I don’t have so much of the muffin top thang goin on at the moment and my boobs are shrinking ever so quickly haha. I applied for my dream like ultimate fantastical job today. I spent a lot of time debating over it. The job is in Qtown which is where I pretty much lived with the ex. But its more money and it would be an amazing foot in the door. I feel like its something I have to do and what with everyone ignoring me it helps me gain a new perspective. I kinda need to talk to my mum about all of this tho cause if something did go ahead she would probably be a little upset lol. A friend of mine just said to me that it’s a big thing to do and asked if I was ready for it. I just text back and said “ I feel like I gotta take a chance. All the shit that’s gone down with friendships n stuff over the last year shoulda changed things but 4 everyone to turn 2 turn their backs on me I feel like I got nothn left in me you know. “ haha I have no idea how she will take that. But what I said is true. I cant keep fighting this daily battle with everyone to do whats right or to sit in silence in my bedroom waiting for my reprieve from the jury that is my peers.
On other news I really feel that I should check myself into twilight rehab. I cant put the series down and im totally jonesing for my fix of the dvd. Ive watched it twice since I bought it and also the documentary on making it. Ive read the books a grand total of three times each in the last few months and im now considering buying the cd just to get that extra little hit haha. God help me!
On other news I really feel that I should check myself into twilight rehab. I cant put the series down and im totally jonesing for my fix of the dvd. Ive watched it twice since I bought it and also the documentary on making it. Ive read the books a grand total of three times each in the last few months and im now considering buying the cd just to get that extra little hit haha. God help me!
Monday, March 16, 2009
Happy Birthday To Me!!!
So im officially 21! Jealous much? Haha nah I feel a wee bit older but other than that I just plain feel tired! Im proud to say I remember my whole night and have no blanks despite the volume of booze I consumed!
Saturday started off well. I went out for brunch with my mum and aunty and we just hung out and talked the morning away which was nice. I found out that I have a brother who my own bio dad hasn’t even met. So that’s pretty weird to know that, like what if ive met him and don’t even know? Its been on my mind ever since then and it gives me even more reason to meet this father of mine. My aunty gave me the coolest collage of my family and some stuff to do with the native tribe im from which means a lot. I have no understanding of my Maori side so I do want to learn for sure. My auntys present goes perfectly with the key mum and paul my step dad gave me. I love it so much. Im gonna post a few photos uup so ill make sure I do that. I don’t actually have much to say about the party. I think I am now a legend lol. I did 8 yager bombs and drunk prob 10 vodkas and was still standing at the end of the night! Very unusual for a 21st. I did however chuck at the end of the night when we got home. damn denny’s chilli fries weren’t sitting well in my tummy I guess. Im still pretty tired aye! I went to bed at like 5 on Sunday morning and was up before 9. I guess that redbull was well and truly making its way through my blood stream. Haha we went n got bigmacs for breakfast and then cleaned up after the party. I felt so gross when all the alcohol started sweating it out.
Marc and the bodyguard didn’t stay long but I had quite a few people who did! It was so nice to see who came and who didn’t and see you know who is really there for you. I cant express how much it meant to me to have the others there ya know. Me n carlos seem to be repairing our relationship which is awesome. Im really stoked. I was back to calling him my big brother on sturday which I think was good for both of us.
Nic left early with hads which was disappointing. He was so tired like asleep at one of the tables tired but still… she was pretty gutted specially cause they ended up having a fight… she was just like “I left my best friends 21st for this crap.”. me n nic have come a long way I think. We had a nice talk on Saturday and she said some very nice things.
Im pretty damn lucky I didn’t have a heart attack drinking that many red bulls haha. The boys got me four n then the girls got me another 7 seperatly buut I only ended up doing 8/ tonz was so far trashed that she couldn’t stand and was vomiting! Not a pretty sight. Kinda disappointing as well but hey not much I can do now! Anyways I needa catch up on my work so heres some photos and ill post some more later!
Saturday started off well. I went out for brunch with my mum and aunty and we just hung out and talked the morning away which was nice. I found out that I have a brother who my own bio dad hasn’t even met. So that’s pretty weird to know that, like what if ive met him and don’t even know? Its been on my mind ever since then and it gives me even more reason to meet this father of mine. My aunty gave me the coolest collage of my family and some stuff to do with the native tribe im from which means a lot. I have no understanding of my Maori side so I do want to learn for sure. My auntys present goes perfectly with the key mum and paul my step dad gave me. I love it so much. Im gonna post a few photos uup so ill make sure I do that. I don’t actually have much to say about the party. I think I am now a legend lol. I did 8 yager bombs and drunk prob 10 vodkas and was still standing at the end of the night! Very unusual for a 21st. I did however chuck at the end of the night when we got home. damn denny’s chilli fries weren’t sitting well in my tummy I guess. Im still pretty tired aye! I went to bed at like 5 on Sunday morning and was up before 9. I guess that redbull was well and truly making its way through my blood stream. Haha we went n got bigmacs for breakfast and then cleaned up after the party. I felt so gross when all the alcohol started sweating it out.
Marc and the bodyguard didn’t stay long but I had quite a few people who did! It was so nice to see who came and who didn’t and see you know who is really there for you. I cant express how much it meant to me to have the others there ya know. Me n carlos seem to be repairing our relationship which is awesome. Im really stoked. I was back to calling him my big brother on sturday which I think was good for both of us.
Nic left early with hads which was disappointing. He was so tired like asleep at one of the tables tired but still… she was pretty gutted specially cause they ended up having a fight… she was just like “I left my best friends 21st for this crap.”. me n nic have come a long way I think. We had a nice talk on Saturday and she said some very nice things.
Im pretty damn lucky I didn’t have a heart attack drinking that many red bulls haha. The boys got me four n then the girls got me another 7 seperatly buut I only ended up doing 8/ tonz was so far trashed that she couldn’t stand and was vomiting! Not a pretty sight. Kinda disappointing as well but hey not much I can do now! Anyways I needa catch up on my work so heres some photos and ill post some more later!
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Family Ties
Well I may be about to take a massive step. As I mentioned in my last post, my bio father hasn’t exactly been in my life and ive started contact with the family again after nearly 20 years. I may be flying down to meet them in a month or so for Easter weekend. It’s a big step but I feel as if im ready to do it, they are my flesh and blood and I want them in my life and a part of it. I spoke to my aunty Roriana for the first time in my life last night. I was very very emotional afterwards but it was so good to talk to her. Im meeting her either on Friday or Saturday for brunch and to hang out. She said she has made me a collage of the family and stuff so that’s a really cool birthday present. If I do go down at easter it will be with gen n carlos. Were gonna fly down and then drive the rest of the 6 hours to get to where all my family will be. Its my uncles headstone unveiling so I don’t think I willl be able to deal with all the stuff on my own. And a holiday is always good times so just gotta see what happens after work when I see the others. Hopefully this comes to fruition.
Wow im 3 days away from turning 21. im so looking forward to it. I have about 50 or so people coming as well so that’ll be interesting. Carls sister who I had a massive fight ith last year asked if they were invited so that’s good. Weve recently started talking again and stuff so its still very strained and we don’t exactly hang out but it will be cool if they come. I had her and her husband on the invite list but in the end I wasn’t sure if I should say anything. Im glad heidi bought it up! God im so nervous and excited!!!!
Wow im 3 days away from turning 21. im so looking forward to it. I have about 50 or so people coming as well so that’ll be interesting. Carls sister who I had a massive fight ith last year asked if they were invited so that’s good. Weve recently started talking again and stuff so its still very strained and we don’t exactly hang out but it will be cool if they come. I had her and her husband on the invite list but in the end I wasn’t sure if I should say anything. Im glad heidi bought it up! God im so nervous and excited!!!!
Monday, March 9, 2009
Crissity Cross like a unicorns horns!
EXCITING TIMES!
I’m so sure I should be way more excited than what I am being that it’s a mere 4 DAYS away from only the best day of the year! Haha I crack myself up! So any who moving on to much more enthralling or rather disturbing news! I tracked down the ex on facebook today and now I’m sitting here kicking myself asking what is wrong with me?? like why do I feel the need to even find him…I’m not going to add him even though if I wasn’t typing this id be sitting on my hands to prevent such action.. I don’t need to see him or talk to him or anything yet I still feel that slight pull of curiosity to see what he’s doing and how he is etc. is that weird? Or just plain stupid?
In other news I can’t get this boy aka the bodyguard off my mind. It was such a weird situation on Saturday night. I don’t even know why I’m thinking about him. He doesn’t have an interest and if he does it was only cause he was drunk... its so super slutty for me to hook up with marc and have that whole mind fuck relationship with him then nearly hook up with doug or kiss him followed by being all cuddly and attached at the hip to Tyler.. Perhaps I need to not hang out with them haha. I’m a bit nervous to see Tyler!
On Saturday morning I’m meeting one of my biological father’s sisters for the first time. So that’s gonna be interesting for sure. On top of all the stress I have this. I want to do it because they are my family but I’m still crapping myself that it will be awkward or it wont happen or whatever. I met two of his other sisters back in like October or whatever last year and that went well but I haven’t had much contact since then. I have a total of 10 aunties and uncles on that side of the family and over 40 cousins that I haven’t met. How crazy is that? I guess its just protocol when you have a dead beat dad who doesn’t seem to have an interest. My aunty said she showed him my facebook photos and stuff and that he was a bit emotional but come on father NZ is a small place its not like I’m hard to find yah know. I just don’t understand how someone can become a father or a mother and just disappear form their child’s life. The last time I saw him was in March of 1994. He came to see me and bought me an Easter egg and that was it. He has sent me letters back in like 2001 and I told him how it was and said I wanted to keep in touch but then he never did. I’m not looking for him to be my father I just want to see this person who is half of who I am. I want to know my family history. If he thinks of me or loves me or misses me. I suppose the resounding communication silence at his end makes it a little hard but come on… pick up a phone and call me.
When I started this quest to meet these people back in like September last year I thought I would see him. I’ve always wanted to do this and with my 21st approaching I felt it was now or never... I wouldn’t change the life I have and i'm incredibly grateful to the man I consider to be my dad. Turning 21 may not be a big deal to some people but to me it will be the biggest milestone of my life! I’m thankful to my incredible parents for getting me this far... I have never been the perfect child and although they took me to hell and back I did the same. Now is a time for reflection of how lucky I am. My sister is amazing and I love her to pieces. I am lucky to have a young healthy extended family. Sorry about the rambling criss cross nature of this post. As I think I write it down.
Haha I keep getting distracted by one of my workmates trying to hype me up for my birthday so I better go! I’m going to post some photos as well though but that will be in another post. Just some family shots and some old school friend ones.
I’m so sure I should be way more excited than what I am being that it’s a mere 4 DAYS away from only the best day of the year! Haha I crack myself up! So any who moving on to much more enthralling or rather disturbing news! I tracked down the ex on facebook today and now I’m sitting here kicking myself asking what is wrong with me?? like why do I feel the need to even find him…I’m not going to add him even though if I wasn’t typing this id be sitting on my hands to prevent such action.. I don’t need to see him or talk to him or anything yet I still feel that slight pull of curiosity to see what he’s doing and how he is etc. is that weird? Or just plain stupid?
In other news I can’t get this boy aka the bodyguard off my mind. It was such a weird situation on Saturday night. I don’t even know why I’m thinking about him. He doesn’t have an interest and if he does it was only cause he was drunk... its so super slutty for me to hook up with marc and have that whole mind fuck relationship with him then nearly hook up with doug or kiss him followed by being all cuddly and attached at the hip to Tyler.. Perhaps I need to not hang out with them haha. I’m a bit nervous to see Tyler!
On Saturday morning I’m meeting one of my biological father’s sisters for the first time. So that’s gonna be interesting for sure. On top of all the stress I have this. I want to do it because they are my family but I’m still crapping myself that it will be awkward or it wont happen or whatever. I met two of his other sisters back in like October or whatever last year and that went well but I haven’t had much contact since then. I have a total of 10 aunties and uncles on that side of the family and over 40 cousins that I haven’t met. How crazy is that? I guess its just protocol when you have a dead beat dad who doesn’t seem to have an interest. My aunty said she showed him my facebook photos and stuff and that he was a bit emotional but come on father NZ is a small place its not like I’m hard to find yah know. I just don’t understand how someone can become a father or a mother and just disappear form their child’s life. The last time I saw him was in March of 1994. He came to see me and bought me an Easter egg and that was it. He has sent me letters back in like 2001 and I told him how it was and said I wanted to keep in touch but then he never did. I’m not looking for him to be my father I just want to see this person who is half of who I am. I want to know my family history. If he thinks of me or loves me or misses me. I suppose the resounding communication silence at his end makes it a little hard but come on… pick up a phone and call me.
When I started this quest to meet these people back in like September last year I thought I would see him. I’ve always wanted to do this and with my 21st approaching I felt it was now or never... I wouldn’t change the life I have and i'm incredibly grateful to the man I consider to be my dad. Turning 21 may not be a big deal to some people but to me it will be the biggest milestone of my life! I’m thankful to my incredible parents for getting me this far... I have never been the perfect child and although they took me to hell and back I did the same. Now is a time for reflection of how lucky I am. My sister is amazing and I love her to pieces. I am lucky to have a young healthy extended family. Sorry about the rambling criss cross nature of this post. As I think I write it down.
Haha I keep getting distracted by one of my workmates trying to hype me up for my birthday so I better go! I’m going to post some photos as well though but that will be in another post. Just some family shots and some old school friend ones.
Sunday, February 22, 2009
Up in smoke!
My weekend was my first sober weekend that ive had in awhile! It was pretty good tho! We went to the mall on Friday after work and got some dinner and went to the cd/dvd store and all walked away with something new lol. I bought my 3rd album from incubus who is my favorite ever and was given the fourth by Shane! Yay! I was so happy lol. Gen bought herself a cod and a movie and nick bought “American history X”. Definitely a movie worth watching! We went to the supermarket, bought some munchies and met the boys at home to watch the movie. It was quite interesting to watch the movie with the fact that all my friends are white lol. Me n Nicola nearly had a drama over it. It really pissed me off that she found the rape in the shower scene more disturbing then the racial hate killing scene…I actually couldn’t believe it. It really makes you think tho. In NZ I think we are so lucky to have the diversity and acceptance that we do have!
Me Tonz n nic went out for lunch on Saturday while gen n Carlos went on a date! So cute! Had the yummiest lunch! Then we came home and had a smoke! Haha was so funny. I love it when nic gets wasted. She started speaking to Shane in this English accent for some reason lol. It was bad at one point tho because our neighbor looked out her window and Tonz just pointed and laughed lo. Shane came outside with a massive bud for us “to enjoy your day ladies” so we went inside to watch a movie…Forest Gump! Perfect movie to watch when you’ve had a smoke! It took us like and hour to get the movie going tho cause we couldn’t work out the DVD player lol. Good times! In the end we decided to have another smoke before watching it, then ordered pizza and watched! Was an awesome way to spend the afternoon! We all had nap times and then did a bit of wake and bake and waited for the others to get home so we could go play black light mini golf. The six of us met hads up there and played. Probably one of the funniest games ive ever played. Poor hads was the only straight one lol.. Nic n hads took Tonz home after the game and me Shane and Carlos had another smoke and just sat outside pissing ourselves. Carl when hes stoned is so crazy like you actually just wanna roll on the floor laughing! I wish I had of been taping that shit lol! Once nic n hads got back we took hads outside for a smoke and then gen n Carl went to bed. Me nic Shane and hads started watching stepbrothers but we all fell asleep lol.. I woke up at like 1.30 and hads was on the floor! Shane had gone to bed and I went to bed too! Apparently nic and hads stayed there till out 6 that morning.
I went to my aunties baby shower yesterday! Only 4 more weeks till my cousin is born. I’m so excited! It’s the first grandchild on that side of the family since my sister was born. I think she’s finding it hard that she’s not gonna be the baby of the family anymore lol. Oh well I just cant wait to see and meet the baby! Her name will be ruby! She will be such a princess if she’s anything like my aunty haha. I went to bed so early last night! Me n Shane had a smoke at like 7.30 it was so buzzy! Ive never smoked just with him and being in a house with three other straight people! Not the one mate! Not the one!
On the note of my sister.. Im a little bit worried bout how she’s going to handle my 21st. its in 19 days! Yay! Everytime me n mum talk about it and try to make plans she trys to turn the conversation onto something else or if I bring up my relatives from my biological fathers side she just shuts down completely. There are three of my aunties on my bio dads side coming to my 21dt and I don’t want her to feel funny! Any advice?
Me Tonz n nic went out for lunch on Saturday while gen n Carlos went on a date! So cute! Had the yummiest lunch! Then we came home and had a smoke! Haha was so funny. I love it when nic gets wasted. She started speaking to Shane in this English accent for some reason lol. It was bad at one point tho because our neighbor looked out her window and Tonz just pointed and laughed lo. Shane came outside with a massive bud for us “to enjoy your day ladies” so we went inside to watch a movie…Forest Gump! Perfect movie to watch when you’ve had a smoke! It took us like and hour to get the movie going tho cause we couldn’t work out the DVD player lol. Good times! In the end we decided to have another smoke before watching it, then ordered pizza and watched! Was an awesome way to spend the afternoon! We all had nap times and then did a bit of wake and bake and waited for the others to get home so we could go play black light mini golf. The six of us met hads up there and played. Probably one of the funniest games ive ever played. Poor hads was the only straight one lol.. Nic n hads took Tonz home after the game and me Shane and Carlos had another smoke and just sat outside pissing ourselves. Carl when hes stoned is so crazy like you actually just wanna roll on the floor laughing! I wish I had of been taping that shit lol! Once nic n hads got back we took hads outside for a smoke and then gen n Carl went to bed. Me nic Shane and hads started watching stepbrothers but we all fell asleep lol.. I woke up at like 1.30 and hads was on the floor! Shane had gone to bed and I went to bed too! Apparently nic and hads stayed there till out 6 that morning.
I went to my aunties baby shower yesterday! Only 4 more weeks till my cousin is born. I’m so excited! It’s the first grandchild on that side of the family since my sister was born. I think she’s finding it hard that she’s not gonna be the baby of the family anymore lol. Oh well I just cant wait to see and meet the baby! Her name will be ruby! She will be such a princess if she’s anything like my aunty haha. I went to bed so early last night! Me n Shane had a smoke at like 7.30 it was so buzzy! Ive never smoked just with him and being in a house with three other straight people! Not the one mate! Not the one!
On the note of my sister.. Im a little bit worried bout how she’s going to handle my 21st. its in 19 days! Yay! Everytime me n mum talk about it and try to make plans she trys to turn the conversation onto something else or if I bring up my relatives from my biological fathers side she just shuts down completely. There are three of my aunties on my bio dads side coming to my 21dt and I don’t want her to feel funny! Any advice?
Sunday, February 8, 2009
Longest of long weekends!
Wow whatta weekend I have just had. We had a long weekend here in NZ to celebrate basically the beginning of our country merging with the English settlers that came here. Its to celebrate the treaty that was signed at the time and luckily for us it fell on a Friday this year so we had a long weekend.
On Thursday night I had my mum, dad, stepdad and sister over for dinner cause it was just me n shane home that night. We all had a few beers and a yummy bbq and it as fun hanging out. Then nicola came home n me n her started on the vodka, apple sours and lemonade combo. Mmm it is such a nice drink. Hads ended up coming round and we were all sitting round when marc text asking if we could pick him up. We decided minus shane just to go to his house and hang out. We ended up waking like three other people up and they all came over and joined us. Marc and the jew were tryna get me to hook up with doug one of their friends whose been texting me for awhile. Was def interesting. There was no way I was going there with doug he isn’t realy my type. And the fact hes also hit on tonz before is off putting as well lol. We ended up going home at about 4.30. was def a long night and I needed my sleep the next morning. Which I so didn’t get lol. I managed to drag nic out with me n mum to see my auntys new house that she just bought with her partner which was cool. Its an amazing house! we just hung out for the day in the sweltering heat then went home to rest and relax. We just ended up having a few drinks at home on Friday with me nic hads shane n tonz. It was a bit of a sad day for me cause it goes back to when I had my abortion. I was due on the 6th of feb so I always end up thinking bout it… and I was drinking gin which I fully cant drink anymore lol. So I stopped drinking and went to bed pretty early after nic seranded me to sleep lol
On Saturday it was all pretty much the same. Laxed during the day and then we went out for dinner that night and then went home and had some drinks. My morning yesterday did not start well tho! I woke up to shane smashing on my bedroom door telling me I needed to move my car. I told him where my keys were and next minute he had taken off in my car down the road! I was so freaking pissed! He doesn’t have a licsense and would have been over the alcohol limit and he didn’t ask me if he could borrow my car just took off. It made me so fucking mad and I still am now. He has yet to say sorry or anything and we havnt even spoken since then. Grr I was mad! That started my day off bad and it went from there. The inconsiderate fucks that I live with were going out last night to get everyone dinner but me! it mad me so mad and upset like hello I live here to! In the end I went n got my own dinner and took off to another friends place. It wasn’t even worth being there causeof how ive been feeling.
Lately I feel very left out etc at home and ive been crying etc everyday. I don’t know whats going on but it sucks. Its my 21st soon and I wanna be there with my best friends not the people formerly known as best friends y aknow. I needa get out of the place that im in mentally at the mo… grrr so annoyed with myself!
On Thursday night I had my mum, dad, stepdad and sister over for dinner cause it was just me n shane home that night. We all had a few beers and a yummy bbq and it as fun hanging out. Then nicola came home n me n her started on the vodka, apple sours and lemonade combo. Mmm it is such a nice drink. Hads ended up coming round and we were all sitting round when marc text asking if we could pick him up. We decided minus shane just to go to his house and hang out. We ended up waking like three other people up and they all came over and joined us. Marc and the jew were tryna get me to hook up with doug one of their friends whose been texting me for awhile. Was def interesting. There was no way I was going there with doug he isn’t realy my type. And the fact hes also hit on tonz before is off putting as well lol. We ended up going home at about 4.30. was def a long night and I needed my sleep the next morning. Which I so didn’t get lol. I managed to drag nic out with me n mum to see my auntys new house that she just bought with her partner which was cool. Its an amazing house! we just hung out for the day in the sweltering heat then went home to rest and relax. We just ended up having a few drinks at home on Friday with me nic hads shane n tonz. It was a bit of a sad day for me cause it goes back to when I had my abortion. I was due on the 6th of feb so I always end up thinking bout it… and I was drinking gin which I fully cant drink anymore lol. So I stopped drinking and went to bed pretty early after nic seranded me to sleep lol
On Saturday it was all pretty much the same. Laxed during the day and then we went out for dinner that night and then went home and had some drinks. My morning yesterday did not start well tho! I woke up to shane smashing on my bedroom door telling me I needed to move my car. I told him where my keys were and next minute he had taken off in my car down the road! I was so freaking pissed! He doesn’t have a licsense and would have been over the alcohol limit and he didn’t ask me if he could borrow my car just took off. It made me so fucking mad and I still am now. He has yet to say sorry or anything and we havnt even spoken since then. Grr I was mad! That started my day off bad and it went from there. The inconsiderate fucks that I live with were going out last night to get everyone dinner but me! it mad me so mad and upset like hello I live here to! In the end I went n got my own dinner and took off to another friends place. It wasn’t even worth being there causeof how ive been feeling.
Lately I feel very left out etc at home and ive been crying etc everyday. I don’t know whats going on but it sucks. Its my 21st soon and I wanna be there with my best friends not the people formerly known as best friends y aknow. I needa get out of the place that im in mentally at the mo… grrr so annoyed with myself!
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
History...
Oh k so I just went to comment on Stargazr whos having a hard time at the moment and it bought me to think about all my family issues. With Christmas coming up its always a really touchy time for my family after all the shit weve been through in the last few years. So I thought I may as well tell you my story so that when I do my anger or whatever rants you know the background of where im coming from.
To start I will tell you a few basic things about me- I have three dads I guess you could say. My biological father who separated from my mum before I was born, my dad who got together with my mum when I was 1 and my now stepdad. My mums only 38 and I have a little sister who is 5 years younger than me.
My mum and dad had never really had the best relationship and had separated and got back together twice before I was 15. when I was like 15 they started fighting heaps and partying quite hard. Like staying out all night and stuff. And fighting some more.. then like 20 days before Christmas when I was 16 we went shoppin (me, my mum, sister, nana n my bf) and mum asked us to go eat somewhere else so they could talk.. when we got back mum handed me 20 bucks and said if im not there when you finish work it means ive left..i couldn’t believe she was telling me this..and the place she chose to tell me. In the fucking SHOPPING MALL,. I was gutted I just didn’t know what to do.. so me n my bf walked to my work with me in tears wondering what the fuck was going on. When I got home that night my dad was sitting on the couch waiting to talk to me. It was official my mum had left me n my sister with my dad and had moved out. I couldn’t belive this. It was all happening so fast…he told me that she was gone and we got on with it…it was the hardest time of my life. My mum had always been my rock and now she was gone. She didn’t say anything for days. I was so mad at her. My dad was heart broken. I guess looking back now he had always loved her just that little bit more than she loved him as sad as that sounds.
My family really gathered around my dad and I couldn’t understand why. I mean these were her brothers and sisters and her parents. It was so weird but it was good cause we needed them. All of a sudden I was 16, working, at school and trying to pay bills for my dad and get my sister to school etc. one day I spent the day with my grandparents and just hung out with them. It was a rare occurrence because they’ve always been such flat out busy people but I guess it didn’t register. When we got home my poppa and my dad sat me down. They wanted to tell me that my mum had a drug problem. A serious drug problem…I couldn’t believe it…all the stuff that came out…she was living with her drug dealer who was on bail for drug related charges and was off the rails.. I learnt how to drive at night driving past the house to see if she was there. My mum had cleaned out there joint savings of $10,000. it was so full on cause I had never ever thought my mother could do this. I see that as the point at which I grew up I guess.
I couldn’t talk to mum I couldn’t look at her….i was so mad that she was putting all this stuff on me. She was never around anymore and when she was she was high. I will never forget how amazing my dad was thru out that time and the fact that he was there for me. i think I nearly broke down at one point cause I was working and paying for a car and going to school and tryna be a mum to my sister and keep the house clean and functioning.. it was crazy. But in saying that I wouldn’t take it back for anything. That experience is something that taught me a few things about life. I went off the rails shortly after mum started to sort herself out. My mum had always been incredibly strict on me and the second that my mum walked out the door it was like my dad opened my cell door. I was going out on school nights to clubs and drinking and wagging. You name it I was keen. Im amazed all the stuff I got away with cause I was drink driving etc and I am forever greatful that I never hurt anyone. Not long after that I found out I was pregnant. Man was that some great year I had.. I don’t really have much more to this story except it took my mum two years o sort herself out and become a mum again and it took me longer than that to forgive her. Weve only just got our relationship back to what it should be. We are incredibly close now and I cant imagine that shit again.. I will give friends a chance when it comes to drugs but I don’t hesitate to remove them from my life if they are going to have problems. As heartless as that sounds I cant deal with that. I will also never touch drugs other than weed.
So yeah that is the story of how my child hood ended. Ive been paying my way since I was 16 and I cant stand people who get everything they want handed to them. I bought my first car at 16 and don’t ever ask people for anything. I wouldn’t change what I went thru and think that I am a stronger person for it. I guess after such an emotional few years im not prone to show emotion cause I feel like it’s a weakness at some points. I love and treasurre my family and friends and am really outspoken towards people who don’t. but yeah to end it this is what happened to me so in future you know why im ranting when I am lol.
To start I will tell you a few basic things about me- I have three dads I guess you could say. My biological father who separated from my mum before I was born, my dad who got together with my mum when I was 1 and my now stepdad. My mums only 38 and I have a little sister who is 5 years younger than me.
My mum and dad had never really had the best relationship and had separated and got back together twice before I was 15. when I was like 15 they started fighting heaps and partying quite hard. Like staying out all night and stuff. And fighting some more.. then like 20 days before Christmas when I was 16 we went shoppin (me, my mum, sister, nana n my bf) and mum asked us to go eat somewhere else so they could talk.. when we got back mum handed me 20 bucks and said if im not there when you finish work it means ive left..i couldn’t believe she was telling me this..and the place she chose to tell me. In the fucking SHOPPING MALL,. I was gutted I just didn’t know what to do.. so me n my bf walked to my work with me in tears wondering what the fuck was going on. When I got home that night my dad was sitting on the couch waiting to talk to me. It was official my mum had left me n my sister with my dad and had moved out. I couldn’t belive this. It was all happening so fast…he told me that she was gone and we got on with it…it was the hardest time of my life. My mum had always been my rock and now she was gone. She didn’t say anything for days. I was so mad at her. My dad was heart broken. I guess looking back now he had always loved her just that little bit more than she loved him as sad as that sounds.
My family really gathered around my dad and I couldn’t understand why. I mean these were her brothers and sisters and her parents. It was so weird but it was good cause we needed them. All of a sudden I was 16, working, at school and trying to pay bills for my dad and get my sister to school etc. one day I spent the day with my grandparents and just hung out with them. It was a rare occurrence because they’ve always been such flat out busy people but I guess it didn’t register. When we got home my poppa and my dad sat me down. They wanted to tell me that my mum had a drug problem. A serious drug problem…I couldn’t believe it…all the stuff that came out…she was living with her drug dealer who was on bail for drug related charges and was off the rails.. I learnt how to drive at night driving past the house to see if she was there. My mum had cleaned out there joint savings of $10,000. it was so full on cause I had never ever thought my mother could do this. I see that as the point at which I grew up I guess.
I couldn’t talk to mum I couldn’t look at her….i was so mad that she was putting all this stuff on me. She was never around anymore and when she was she was high. I will never forget how amazing my dad was thru out that time and the fact that he was there for me. i think I nearly broke down at one point cause I was working and paying for a car and going to school and tryna be a mum to my sister and keep the house clean and functioning.. it was crazy. But in saying that I wouldn’t take it back for anything. That experience is something that taught me a few things about life. I went off the rails shortly after mum started to sort herself out. My mum had always been incredibly strict on me and the second that my mum walked out the door it was like my dad opened my cell door. I was going out on school nights to clubs and drinking and wagging. You name it I was keen. Im amazed all the stuff I got away with cause I was drink driving etc and I am forever greatful that I never hurt anyone. Not long after that I found out I was pregnant. Man was that some great year I had.. I don’t really have much more to this story except it took my mum two years o sort herself out and become a mum again and it took me longer than that to forgive her. Weve only just got our relationship back to what it should be. We are incredibly close now and I cant imagine that shit again.. I will give friends a chance when it comes to drugs but I don’t hesitate to remove them from my life if they are going to have problems. As heartless as that sounds I cant deal with that. I will also never touch drugs other than weed.
So yeah that is the story of how my child hood ended. Ive been paying my way since I was 16 and I cant stand people who get everything they want handed to them. I bought my first car at 16 and don’t ever ask people for anything. I wouldn’t change what I went thru and think that I am a stronger person for it. I guess after such an emotional few years im not prone to show emotion cause I feel like it’s a weakness at some points. I love and treasurre my family and friends and am really outspoken towards people who don’t. but yeah to end it this is what happened to me so in future you know why im ranting when I am lol.
Sunday, December 14, 2008
Long weekend!
Ok so currently i feel like some sort of topsy turvy spinning top. On thursday night i had my work xmas party and all i remember is that i was soooo drunk! wasnt good lol i didnt/couldnt go to work on friday cause i woke up and was still so drunk! haha its a good thing my boss had already given me n my work mate the day off! i ended up throwing up out my window after i got home cause i was like asleep then woke up to the world spinning haha. was a good night tho and im really glad i went!
so friday was spent having lunch with my besties and just hangin out at home. was pretty good to relax like that really. i had lunch with all three of them lol so that was probably the best part of the day. one of my besties tonz got some bad news on thursday so we went out for a quiet coffee at the beach on friday night. was pretty cool just to grab some starbucks and lax back with the other three. things at home have been pretty intense so its always like everyones trying to escape the house i guess.
i had a good sleep in saturdy then just went n did some xmas shopping and hung out with nic at home before we had to go to the bbq at Marcs house. now this is where it gets interesting. we were some of the first people to arrive so we were just laxing and hanging out which was so good. tonz was on a really bad buzz cause her sister who might have breast cancer had been back tothe doctor and they told her there were now lumps in her lymph nodes. so its not looking good at the moment. so me n tonz were hanging out hard out and talking shit as we do. lol i think we scared this 17 year old that plays in marcs team. cause when were altogether we get feisty haha.
after we had eaten a few people started leaving so it ended up being like 10 of us hangin out. marc tonz this guy doug and his gf took off inside and i could see them. next thing i hear is marc going yeah shes hot blah blah blah. i was just like umm ohk what are they talking bout. thhen my phone goes off. its a text from marc sayiing " so what if the whole situation with shane forced me to make a decision that i didnt want to" . i was like umm ohk thats pretty random and asked him what he means. he was just like well i fet like i had to say that i just wanted to be friends cause of all the shit with shane ( being that shane tried to start a fight with him last weekend.) and so i was like well ohk umm you sure your not just drunk and he was like no im not and i want to give whatever we may be a shot...so im not sure whats happening. we spent some time alone lying under the stars cuddled up under blankets which was cool and then i text him when i got home at like 5am and said that i wasnt sure what was happening and he said that he meant what he said.
but then none of us heard from him yesterday so im not sure... i guess its a waiting game.
things at home kinda exploded last night tho... we decided to have a house meeting cause weve been so messy lately etc and it turned into an isssues meeting. which was good but really hard. we needed to get everything out in the open but things with me n nic really turned to shit. she had this friend who fully screwed her over like a year and a half ago and she finds it hard to trust etc. and apparently she thinks im going to do that to her... its so fucked up that she would think i could do something like that to her. and it was like being stabbed it was so painful when she said that. i really cant talk to her or even loook at her. like i know that i havnt been the greatest friend lately because me n her have been fightin but that was just so extreme. it wasnt good. i ended up having one on ones with my boys as well which was cool. me n carlos really sorted out what was wrong which was great. and me n shane even made progress. apparently hes going to say sorry to marc. should be interesting.
oh well time for me to work! cause apparently i owe my boss big time lol
so friday was spent having lunch with my besties and just hangin out at home. was pretty good to relax like that really. i had lunch with all three of them lol so that was probably the best part of the day. one of my besties tonz got some bad news on thursday so we went out for a quiet coffee at the beach on friday night. was pretty cool just to grab some starbucks and lax back with the other three. things at home have been pretty intense so its always like everyones trying to escape the house i guess.
i had a good sleep in saturdy then just went n did some xmas shopping and hung out with nic at home before we had to go to the bbq at Marcs house. now this is where it gets interesting. we were some of the first people to arrive so we were just laxing and hanging out which was so good. tonz was on a really bad buzz cause her sister who might have breast cancer had been back tothe doctor and they told her there were now lumps in her lymph nodes. so its not looking good at the moment. so me n tonz were hanging out hard out and talking shit as we do. lol i think we scared this 17 year old that plays in marcs team. cause when were altogether we get feisty haha.
after we had eaten a few people started leaving so it ended up being like 10 of us hangin out. marc tonz this guy doug and his gf took off inside and i could see them. next thing i hear is marc going yeah shes hot blah blah blah. i was just like umm ohk what are they talking bout. thhen my phone goes off. its a text from marc sayiing " so what if the whole situation with shane forced me to make a decision that i didnt want to" . i was like umm ohk thats pretty random and asked him what he means. he was just like well i fet like i had to say that i just wanted to be friends cause of all the shit with shane ( being that shane tried to start a fight with him last weekend.) and so i was like well ohk umm you sure your not just drunk and he was like no im not and i want to give whatever we may be a shot...so im not sure whats happening. we spent some time alone lying under the stars cuddled up under blankets which was cool and then i text him when i got home at like 5am and said that i wasnt sure what was happening and he said that he meant what he said.
but then none of us heard from him yesterday so im not sure... i guess its a waiting game.
things at home kinda exploded last night tho... we decided to have a house meeting cause weve been so messy lately etc and it turned into an isssues meeting. which was good but really hard. we needed to get everything out in the open but things with me n nic really turned to shit. she had this friend who fully screwed her over like a year and a half ago and she finds it hard to trust etc. and apparently she thinks im going to do that to her... its so fucked up that she would think i could do something like that to her. and it was like being stabbed it was so painful when she said that. i really cant talk to her or even loook at her. like i know that i havnt been the greatest friend lately because me n her have been fightin but that was just so extreme. it wasnt good. i ended up having one on ones with my boys as well which was cool. me n carlos really sorted out what was wrong which was great. and me n shane even made progress. apparently hes going to say sorry to marc. should be interesting.
oh well time for me to work! cause apparently i owe my boss big time lol
Monday, November 3, 2008
thoughts?
Work is so frustrating today! I am feeling fully overworked and underpaid and it so doestn help that I screwed my shoulder last night at my soccer game! Man I felt like I sucked when we were playing! And it didn’t help we were playing this asshole team that I seem to have prolems with lol. One of the last times we were playing one of there team said something really rude to me then didn’t even shake my hand after the game! So I being who I am yelled at him in front of everyone haha and he ended up apologizing…and carlos has this thing where him and one of there players almost kill each other every game we play…so its never a good game really!
It made me feel so unfit! Like I was nearly vomiting from all the physical parts of it haha I suppose I shouldn’t laugh really! Im super glad M didn’t end up playing! Now that would have been so embarrassing! Haha I really freeze up when I have an audience buut I think I need to get past that cause I mean im not shy in other parts of my life.
Ive been doing so much thinking about M and I finally voiced some of it to my girls last night. Like I like him at night when were sitting around having a few drinks and hanging out etc but then in the morning its all like so different and I find myself thinking hmm am I attracted to him? Is this completely shallow? Like I feel like a bitch but I guess after all the times ive been fucked around I have high standards and I refuse to go back to someone that im not attracted to…ya know?
Ewww speaking of blast from the past I was at my family dinner the other night when my uncles gf whos 22 bought up the EX. Man that was awkward…I guess cause we were all close in age and used to spend a bit of time together it was a fair enough question…but as well I think it was good…like I was able to answer her questions honestly…when I said I didn’t know what he was upto and didn’t care I think I meant it… he was my first love and I don’t regret any of our time together…but I think I can finally let go…so what if I wear the necklace he gave me for my 17th birthday lol. I get so many compliments on it and I love it…not just for the sentimental value either….
I guess I finally feel like im making some progress!
On another note, I think one of my flatmates in going to move out…me n him had this thing like over a year ago and I found out last night hes still not letting it go…no matter what I do he seems to have this thing where he wont let go of me…and I don’t know how to really put it out there without letting him know what my friend told me…hmm it’s a tough situation cause I don’t want him to feel unwelcome in thhe house and I don’t wanna cause tension…even tho im not sure exactly how im doing it… errr! Its just annoying lol!
It made me feel so unfit! Like I was nearly vomiting from all the physical parts of it haha I suppose I shouldn’t laugh really! Im super glad M didn’t end up playing! Now that would have been so embarrassing! Haha I really freeze up when I have an audience buut I think I need to get past that cause I mean im not shy in other parts of my life.
Ive been doing so much thinking about M and I finally voiced some of it to my girls last night. Like I like him at night when were sitting around having a few drinks and hanging out etc but then in the morning its all like so different and I find myself thinking hmm am I attracted to him? Is this completely shallow? Like I feel like a bitch but I guess after all the times ive been fucked around I have high standards and I refuse to go back to someone that im not attracted to…ya know?
Ewww speaking of blast from the past I was at my family dinner the other night when my uncles gf whos 22 bought up the EX. Man that was awkward…I guess cause we were all close in age and used to spend a bit of time together it was a fair enough question…but as well I think it was good…like I was able to answer her questions honestly…when I said I didn’t know what he was upto and didn’t care I think I meant it… he was my first love and I don’t regret any of our time together…but I think I can finally let go…so what if I wear the necklace he gave me for my 17th birthday lol. I get so many compliments on it and I love it…not just for the sentimental value either….
I guess I finally feel like im making some progress!
On another note, I think one of my flatmates in going to move out…me n him had this thing like over a year ago and I found out last night hes still not letting it go…no matter what I do he seems to have this thing where he wont let go of me…and I don’t know how to really put it out there without letting him know what my friend told me…hmm it’s a tough situation cause I don’t want him to feel unwelcome in thhe house and I don’t wanna cause tension…even tho im not sure exactly how im doing it… errr! Its just annoying lol!
Sunday, November 2, 2008
Ive Been Awol!
So it’s Monday and im back at work again! I just looked at my last blog and realized how slack I am and that I hadn’t been writing for awhile. I’ve been sick and tired for the last week! The flu is going round my hose hold so five sick people does not make for happy times!
This blog probably won’t be too long cause I don’t have all that much to write about! I had a pretty quiet weekend the week! On Friday we had a few people over to the flat and had a smoke and watched scary movies. Well actually we watched one before I chickened out and had to go to bed lol. God im such a wuss as M puts it! Speaking of M he was meant to come over with hi sboys on Friday and watch the movies with us but he text me at like 8.30 saying hey you should come over here but I had a house full so couldn’t leave. That was my Friday night anyway…
On Saturday night me n my girls n boys all had separate plans so we all went our separate ways. I had family dinner on the other side of the city…it was so weird cause I hadn’t been to one in like 4 months. I avoid them whenever possible cause it seems to bring out all this bad stuff in me. Like I feel so insecure and over weight and stuff when im around my family. They are like Barbie dolls! And it didn’t help that my aunty whos pregnant had her partners parents ( most major snobs!) over for dinner and was acting like the BIGGEST snobby bitch around them! So annoying! Like I mean my family is well off but we soo don’t act like that! And my nana is sick! Not good and she refuses to go to the doctor. So I hope it all turns out okay cause my poppa and nana are my rock! And they are so young like not even in there 60’s yet! it was pretty funny tho cause towards the end of dinner I was going crazy cause dinner always stresses me n I had M texting me and 3 of my girls! All wanting to see me!
By the time I got out of there I wanted to drink! So I grabbed a bottle of wine and picked my girls up then went home and got obliterated! Was great fun till I passed out on the couch haha. And my creepy flatmate started hittin on my! Hes so weird like we almost had this thing a YEAR ago and its like he still holds onto it. He was really freaking me out. I was so drunk and just sorta lying on the couch almost at the point of passing out when he comes in and starts saying all this gross shit to me! I didn’t like it at all and text the girls to come back inside and save me lol!
Yay my flat is having a guy fawkes bbq next weekend which should be so much fun! We always cook this huge feed and its always such a good time. So cruisy and M should be coming over after he goes to this concet. Hi and my best guy mate have this bet going bout whos gonna win the soccer game on Saturday lol. Its quite funny! I hope he comes over cause im gonna make my moves on Saturday! I have two options for who with lol cause this guy I will call the Pony is comin over too! He is HOT! So if it aint gonna work out with M then im gonna tap n gap the pony haha!
Im a bit of a tomboy so im gonna be dressing to impress on Saturday and wearing a skirt etc! so that should be a whole new playing field! If mr M who says he cant make his mind up is there im gonna make his mind up for him! Lol hes just been giving me the full vibe despite what hes said. But at the same time im not putting all my eggs in that basket haha!
This blog probably won’t be too long cause I don’t have all that much to write about! I had a pretty quiet weekend the week! On Friday we had a few people over to the flat and had a smoke and watched scary movies. Well actually we watched one before I chickened out and had to go to bed lol. God im such a wuss as M puts it! Speaking of M he was meant to come over with hi sboys on Friday and watch the movies with us but he text me at like 8.30 saying hey you should come over here but I had a house full so couldn’t leave. That was my Friday night anyway…
On Saturday night me n my girls n boys all had separate plans so we all went our separate ways. I had family dinner on the other side of the city…it was so weird cause I hadn’t been to one in like 4 months. I avoid them whenever possible cause it seems to bring out all this bad stuff in me. Like I feel so insecure and over weight and stuff when im around my family. They are like Barbie dolls! And it didn’t help that my aunty whos pregnant had her partners parents ( most major snobs!) over for dinner and was acting like the BIGGEST snobby bitch around them! So annoying! Like I mean my family is well off but we soo don’t act like that! And my nana is sick! Not good and she refuses to go to the doctor. So I hope it all turns out okay cause my poppa and nana are my rock! And they are so young like not even in there 60’s yet! it was pretty funny tho cause towards the end of dinner I was going crazy cause dinner always stresses me n I had M texting me and 3 of my girls! All wanting to see me!
By the time I got out of there I wanted to drink! So I grabbed a bottle of wine and picked my girls up then went home and got obliterated! Was great fun till I passed out on the couch haha. And my creepy flatmate started hittin on my! Hes so weird like we almost had this thing a YEAR ago and its like he still holds onto it. He was really freaking me out. I was so drunk and just sorta lying on the couch almost at the point of passing out when he comes in and starts saying all this gross shit to me! I didn’t like it at all and text the girls to come back inside and save me lol!
Yay my flat is having a guy fawkes bbq next weekend which should be so much fun! We always cook this huge feed and its always such a good time. So cruisy and M should be coming over after he goes to this concet. Hi and my best guy mate have this bet going bout whos gonna win the soccer game on Saturday lol. Its quite funny! I hope he comes over cause im gonna make my moves on Saturday! I have two options for who with lol cause this guy I will call the Pony is comin over too! He is HOT! So if it aint gonna work out with M then im gonna tap n gap the pony haha!
Im a bit of a tomboy so im gonna be dressing to impress on Saturday and wearing a skirt etc! so that should be a whole new playing field! If mr M who says he cant make his mind up is there im gonna make his mind up for him! Lol hes just been giving me the full vibe despite what hes said. But at the same time im not putting all my eggs in that basket haha!
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