merry christmas!!!

merry christmas everyone! it christma eve and im chilling at home wit my fantastic besties! be safe and have fun!

Immature boys arent worth my time!

Ok so we seem to be in the miidddle of a full scale prank. In my last post I was talking about how marc had aired all his shit on facebook. Then he changed it to say sorry etc but I was just like whatever. We went and worked at the club on Friday night then came home for what was meant to be the trivial pursuit night. But the boys didn’t show… whatta surprise! What was actually surprising was that we woke up in the morning to find a bed in our driveway. Im not shitting you an actual bed. I was so mad. So they could find the time to bring a BED to our house but couldn’t even text to say they weren’t coming???? Wat the fuck! We moved the bed down the driveway and decided to forget bout them. Everyone was going to a bbq at carls n shanes bros house so me n nic decided to go to our mate nicoles house and have a few drinks. It was so boring as usual! So we left with nic a bit tipsy and me deciding it was revenge time. We went n picked tonz up and got some supplies. Condoms pegs glad wrap so much other stuff. Our first stp was this guy an ex of nics who fully fucked her over. Tonz went and put the condoms filled with moustureizer in the letter box and all over his car then nic egged it! Was soooo funny and as we were leaving the street we passed them on the way home haha! Next up was hadleys house. when we got there it was still a bit light so we just put some condoms etc on his car…same for tylers…then we gladwrapped marcs letterbox cause he doesn’t have a car..after we drove around just causing shit and being immature for awhile gen called and asked us to drop her off. We picked her up then went to the supermarket to get some good supplies for hadleys car! Smoked fish, rotten tomatoes, milk everything. I was mad and it was time they knew it. We dropped gen off and headed up there. Nic was the one who did most of it but we spent probably 10 minutes decorating his car! It must of stunk in the morning lol. We even glad wrapped the tray of his ute. Then we heard a noise and took off. When we came back his mum was outside haha we musty of woken her up. After that we just chilled for ages then went to bed. In the morning we all went out for brunch then came home and cleaned up and just spent sometime as a flat…well with tonz as well lol.

I went to bed at about 10.30ish and was just asleep when I got a text from shane saying if the boys showed up at the house again he was gonna call the cops. Shane had text gen n carl as well and they both got of bed. I went outside and there was shaving cream all over mine n shanes cars and they had put like gel all over my door andles and shanes. We were just sorta like oh well and went back to bed when there was a really loud bang on my windows and the ranch sliders in the lounge and then I heard running. We all got up again and saw they had water bombed the house, it was getting old fast cause unlike them who sleep till noon we all get up at 6 to work ya know. When I got up this morning to go to work I found they had also left a fridge in the driveway… wat the fuck? I guess there showing there ages now huh! Or more should I say there showing the fact that they are just uni students living at home, not working and still getting money off there parents… I was so mad cause I had to go to work in this other new building which is further away so needed my sleep. And I ended up getting like 4 hours cause everytime I heard a noise I skectched out. Omg carl just text me and said e went to check the mail and they had smoke bombed our letter box for fucks sake! What if it had of caught on fire…im guessing this is now the end of the friendships…

Marc is an asshole!!!

Ok well It appears I wont need to talk to marc and that I just got my answer! The asshole just posted something on his facebook sayin- “Marc is feeling more and more like super mario..how many more fucken toads till I find the princess!”
Im so pissed off right now I actually had to go ouside to have a smoke and im holding back frm sending him a not very nice text message! What a fucken asshole. He can ignore me but he wants to post that shit on facebook! Ugh im so mad and upset right now!
It appears that this blog is all about anger lately haha

Whinge of the day

Do you ever wake up some days and feel so alone and so…I don’t know how to describe it. I have so much on my mind right now. Once again I havnt heard from marc in a few days. Nothing has been said about this weekend and his declarations….christmas is so freaking expensive…and I still have my bestys 21st present to buy before the end of this month. Its all kinda snowballing. And im so busy at work doing the job of two people while getting paid the salary of less than one. At least home life is semi-ok at the moment. And sometimes I think maybe I have a crush on The Bodyguard…hes one of marcs best friends but we get on so well. I call him my bodyguard cause of a couple of weeks ago when I was hiding behind him from shane…and its just stuck since then lo..but I get on so well with him and he talks to me…and I think hes quite cute as well…hes turning 21 next week on xmas eve…so I want to have a drink with him but already have plans…and sometimes I think maybe he likes me too. Cause when we were in the car talking about me n marc he was like nope I think you guys should just stay friends blah blah even tho everyone else was like you guys would be so good. I kinda feel like im pushing myself to much at the moment. Im flat out at work and im ot sleeping much more than 5 hours a night. Like no matter what I do I cant sleep past 5am unless I go to bed at like 11-11.30 and then I sleep till 6 if im lucky… ugh I just feel tired and stressed and it seems to be national bitch week you know…every customer I talk to has a problem and are so rude or abusive…to the point where I don’t want to answer the phone anymore or make any calls…maybe its just cause its that time of year…everyone gets down around Christmas I guess…and I need to have the strength to tell marc that we will be friends and friends only…cause im letting him treat me like a loser…go i cant stand my job for much longer. i feel like crying right now...

FUCK!!!!

i am so freaking pissed right now. im on a fixed term contract as i have been for the last more than a year and a half and my contract was due to end on the 31st. my boss just walked upto me and dropped a contract for the next 6months on my desk earning what i started here on! not what im on now! im so fucken mad its not even funny! yeah i know ive still got a job etc but how nice that there taking a couple of grand a year off me just before xmas! ugh so not happy at all!

History...

Oh k so I just went to comment on Stargazr whos having a hard time at the moment and it bought me to think about all my family issues. With Christmas coming up its always a really touchy time for my family after all the shit weve been through in the last few years. So I thought I may as well tell you my story so that when I do my anger or whatever rants you know the background of where im coming from.

To start I will tell you a few basic things about me- I have three dads I guess you could say. My biological father who separated from my mum before I was born, my dad who got together with my mum when I was 1 and my now stepdad. My mums only 38 and I have a little sister who is 5 years younger than me.

My mum and dad had never really had the best relationship and had separated and got back together twice before I was 15. when I was like 15 they started fighting heaps and partying quite hard. Like staying out all night and stuff. And fighting some more.. then like 20 days before Christmas when I was 16 we went shoppin (me, my mum, sister, nana n my bf) and mum asked us to go eat somewhere else so they could talk.. when we got back mum handed me 20 bucks and said if im not there when you finish work it means ive left..i couldn’t believe she was telling me this..and the place she chose to tell me. In the fucking SHOPPING MALL,. I was gutted I just didn’t know what to do.. so me n my bf walked to my work with me in tears wondering what the fuck was going on. When I got home that night my dad was sitting on the couch waiting to talk to me. It was official my mum had left me n my sister with my dad and had moved out. I couldn’t belive this. It was all happening so fast…he told me that she was gone and we got on with it…it was the hardest time of my life. My mum had always been my rock and now she was gone. She didn’t say anything for days. I was so mad at her. My dad was heart broken. I guess looking back now he had always loved her just that little bit more than she loved him as sad as that sounds.

My family really gathered around my dad and I couldn’t understand why. I mean these were her brothers and sisters and her parents. It was so weird but it was good cause we needed them. All of a sudden I was 16, working, at school and trying to pay bills for my dad and get my sister to school etc. one day I spent the day with my grandparents and just hung out with them. It was a rare occurrence because they’ve always been such flat out busy people but I guess it didn’t register. When we got home my poppa and my dad sat me down. They wanted to tell me that my mum had a drug problem. A serious drug problem…I couldn’t believe it…all the stuff that came out…she was living with her drug dealer who was on bail for drug related charges and was off the rails.. I learnt how to drive at night driving past the house to see if she was there. My mum had cleaned out there joint savings of $10,000. it was so full on cause I had never ever thought my mother could do this. I see that as the point at which I grew up I guess.

I couldn’t talk to mum I couldn’t look at her….i was so mad that she was putting all this stuff on me. She was never around anymore and when she was she was high. I will never forget how amazing my dad was thru out that time and the fact that he was there for me. i think I nearly broke down at one point cause I was working and paying for a car and going to school and tryna be a mum to my sister and keep the house clean and functioning.. it was crazy. But in saying that I wouldn’t take it back for anything. That experience is something that taught me a few things about life. I went off the rails shortly after mum started to sort herself out. My mum had always been incredibly strict on me and the second that my mum walked out the door it was like my dad opened my cell door. I was going out on school nights to clubs and drinking and wagging. You name it I was keen. Im amazed all the stuff I got away with cause I was drink driving etc and I am forever greatful that I never hurt anyone. Not long after that I found out I was pregnant. Man was that some great year I had.. I don’t really have much more to this story except it took my mum two years o sort herself out and become a mum again and it took me longer than that to forgive her. Weve only just got our relationship back to what it should be. We are incredibly close now and I cant imagine that shit again.. I will give friends a chance when it comes to drugs but I don’t hesitate to remove them from my life if they are going to have problems. As heartless as that sounds I cant deal with that. I will also never touch drugs other than weed.

So yeah that is the story of how my child hood ended. Ive been paying my way since I was 16 and I cant stand people who get everything they want handed to them. I bought my first car at 16 and don’t ever ask people for anything. I wouldn’t change what I went thru and think that I am a stronger person for it. I guess after such an emotional few years im not prone to show emotion cause I feel like it’s a weakness at some points. I love and treasurre my family and friends and am really outspoken towards people who don’t. but yeah to end it this is what happened to me so in future you know why im ranting when I am lol.

Marcy Marc!

Ok so should I be worried that there hasn’t been any follow up to mine n marcs convo from Saturday night? Cause I guess im worried about him backing out of it. Tho he is going to be my partner for a trivial pursuit night on Friday which will be cool! I guess im really weary. Like on the night that we were talking Doug, marcs mate was like you should give him a chance etc hes a really good guy hes just scared etc and im like hello ive been fucked over too but im willing to give it a chance. I just don’t want to be fucked over now. Cause im giving him another chance and it just feels like hes not really doing anything with it ya know. Tho he is texting me back and stuff and he is coming on Friday. I guess im in patient. Cause weve been hanging out for so long ya know. And I like him. Like really like him. But also I have this paranoia that if anything did happen that I would end up feeling more for him than him for me. Crazy right?? How do I approach him about this? Cause I really don’t wanna get hurt. And if I wanted to be screwed around I could be out there rolling with the boys I used to roll with where I could have meaningless fun and not get hurt. GRRRRRRR! And im going away in 12 days to a place that will be cram packed with hot available boys. I guess I just have to see how Friday pans out. Cause I imagine he will be staying with us on Friday night. Which will be cool. I wanna try talk to him if he does ya know. Or even if he doesn’t. just find the time to talk I guess. Haha im going to put a photo of me on here from my work party! Its gross cause it looks like im really short and fat but I love my dress. I should get a photo of it lol! Only 5 working days left in the year! Yaya!

Long weekend!

Ok so currently i feel like some sort of topsy turvy spinning top. On thursday night i had my work xmas party and all i remember is that i was soooo drunk! wasnt good lol i didnt/couldnt go to work on friday cause i woke up and was still so drunk! haha its a good thing my boss had already given me n my work mate the day off! i ended up throwing up out my window after i got home cause i was like asleep then woke up to the world spinning haha. was a good night tho and im really glad i went!

so friday was spent having lunch with my besties and just hangin out at home. was pretty good to relax like that really. i had lunch with all three of them lol so that was probably the best part of the day. one of my besties tonz got some bad news on thursday so we went out for a quiet coffee at the beach on friday night. was pretty cool just to grab some starbucks and lax back with the other three. things at home have been pretty intense so its always like everyones trying to escape the house i guess.

i had a good sleep in saturdy then just went n did some xmas shopping and hung out with nic at home before we had to go to the bbq at Marcs house. now this is where it gets interesting. we were some of the first people to arrive so we were just laxing and hanging out which was so good. tonz was on a really bad buzz cause her sister who might have breast cancer had been back tothe doctor and they told her there were now lumps in her lymph nodes. so its not looking good at the moment. so me n tonz were hanging out hard out and talking shit as we do. lol i think we scared this 17 year old that plays in marcs team. cause when were altogether we get feisty haha.

after we had eaten a few people started leaving so it ended up being like 10 of us hangin out. marc tonz this guy doug and his gf took off inside and i could see them. next thing i hear is marc going yeah shes hot blah blah blah. i was just like umm ohk what are they talking bout. thhen my phone goes off. its a text from marc sayiing " so what if the whole situation with shane forced me to make a decision that i didnt want to" . i was like umm ohk thats pretty random and asked him what he means. he was just like well i fet like i had to say that i just wanted to be friends cause of all the shit with shane ( being that shane tried to start a fight with him last weekend.) and so i was like well ohk umm you sure your not just drunk and he was like no im not and i want to give whatever we may be a shot...so im not sure whats happening. we spent some time alone lying under the stars cuddled up under blankets which was cool and then i text him when i got home at like 5am and said that i wasnt sure what was happening and he said that he meant what he said.

but then none of us heard from him yesterday so im not sure... i guess its a waiting game.

things at home kinda exploded last night tho... we decided to have a house meeting cause weve been so messy lately etc and it turned into an isssues meeting. which was good but really hard. we needed to get everything out in the open but things with me n nic really turned to shit. she had this friend who fully screwed her over like a year and a half ago and she finds it hard to trust etc. and apparently she thinks im going to do that to her... its so fucked up that she would think i could do something like that to her. and it was like being stabbed it was so painful when she said that. i really cant talk to her or even loook at her. like i know that i havnt been the greatest friend lately because me n her have been fightin but that was just so extreme. it wasnt good. i ended up having one on ones with my boys as well which was cool. me n carlos really sorted out what was wrong which was great. and me n shane even made progress. apparently hes going to say sorry to marc. should be interesting.

oh well time for me to work! cause apparently i owe my boss big time lol

JUST SHARING

WOW im posting twice in one day. just wanted to share a song that i am in love with and some quotes that i lovve as well. lame i know but so important!


...HURT...
I hurt myself today
To see if I still feel I focus on the pain
The only thing that's real
The needle tears a hole
The old familiar sting
Try to kill it all away
But I remember everything

What have I become?
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know
Goes away in the end
You could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt

I wear this crown of thorns
Upon my liar's chair
Full of broken thoughts
I cannot repair
Beneath the stain of time
The feeling disappears
You are someone else
I am still right here

What have I become?
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know
Goes away in the end
You could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt

If I could start again
A million miles away
I would keep myself
I would find a way

ღღღღღღღღღღღღღღღღღღღღღღღღღღღღღღღღღღღღღღღღღღღღღღღღ

ღLife is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets.
Love the people who treat you right & forget the ones that don't.
Believe everything happens for a reason.
If you get a chance, take it.
If it changes your life, let it.
Nobody said it would be easy,they just promised it would be worth it. ღ

ღI Believe That Everything Happens For A Reason. People Change So You Can Learn To Let Go. Things Go Wrong So That You Appreciate Them When They're Right. You Believe Lies So You Eventually Learn To Trust No-one But Yourself And Sometimes Good Things Fall Apart So Better Things Fall Together. - Marilyn Munroeღ

ღFriends are like balloons; once you let them go, you might not get them back. Sometimes we get so busy with our own lives and problems that we may not even notice that we've let them fly away. Sometimes we are so caught up in who's right and who's wrong that we forget what's right and wrong. Sometimes we just don't realize what real friendship means until it is too late. ღ

...

so when i first started writing this blog i never thought i would actually keep up with it but it helps when yur feeling down or want to shout out how happy you are lol. i told my friend not long ago when i was drunk that i have a blog and she really wants to read it but im just like nah cause this is my private thing and i dont want to feel like i cant write about them all ya know.

i went shopping last night and bought this hot dress for my nye holiday! its black and strapless and short! im going to give it a trial run tonight at my stupid work xmas party! i dont know why i agreed to go but at least i have an escape plan! im going to sneak out at like 9 and get my flatmates to pick me up lol. i had such a crap sleep last night cause someone was beeping there fucken horn in my quiet neighbour hood! ugh so annoying i was gonna call noise control. i mean cmon people who does that at 11 at night! some of us have to be up at 6am!

i think i may have sorted things with my besty last night. we hugged it out and told each other we love each other etc so thats good! i hate fighting with her cause weve never really had any sort of fight. me n my other girls have always fought but me n gen have never done that. man this blog will sound whingy soon cause all im doing today is ranting haha. last night after shopping we went to grab a bite at mcdonalds and when id had like 3 bites of my burger i realised it was freaking raw! youck i was so mad i took it back and demanded my money back and at the same time everyone that was waiting in line took off when they heard why i was bitching haha.

im really looking forward to this weekend. i m going to have a quiet night tomorrow night and then ive got thhe bbq at marcs which should be fun. everything just feels so much easier between me n him now theres no presssure etc. its pretty cool and i love his friends. there all such nice guys im like damn i wish you guys werent stiill a bit immature! cause you can tell they all still live at home and dont work etc. i wish i could spend that much of my day sleeping!

bring on 4pm ive been at work like half an hour and already wanna go home! its gonna be a big night!

Im feeling down!

Update time!
So guys me n marc are officially just friends. In some ways im upset but at the same time im not. It probably wouldn’t of worked out anyway cause he isn’t what im looking for and has way to many issues. Im in a bad place myself at the mo and robably couldn’t give what is needed of me to someone. Besides there are way more fish in the sea for me to catch! And im going on my massive new years holiday in 18 days and hopefully will be having some major fun lol! I cant wait for it. I need to get away from my friends, family and life. My living situation at the moment is sucky as. It just seems like there is way to much fighting going on and everyone is shit stirring etc. its gay. I cant stand it ya know. Im seriously thinking about settling myself down hard out in 09 and moving to America or Canada. And then going from there to Europe. I guess you could call it an exercise in self preservation. Cause ive been feeling so down and stuff at the moment and I don’t feel like I can talk to my friends about it. They never seem to get it when I do anyway. Ugh bring on queenstown. Is it completely bad of me that im hoping irun into my ex when im there tho?? I would love to have that one last time with him lol een tho I know what a skeeze he is… I hadn’t actually said that out lout till now.. im so silly! Im going shopping after work cause I have a bbq at marcs to go to and his whole cricket team is gonna be there so im guessing there will be hot guys! And I wanna look hot now im officially not wanting marc! Im such a bitch haha. That’s about all I ave to say today!

la di da di da

What a weekend man! Hmm not that much to tell except I am sooo tired its not even funny lol im taking the day off work tomorrow to sit and do nothing!

Friday night I had arranged to go to soccer for a little while then Nic n Nicole n Caleb who is only the cutest 1 and a half year old ever were going to pick me up but instead I ended up going xmas shopping with them then heading back to nicoles for a few drinks. All good fun but being that me n nicole who used to live together havnt really hung out since we fell out (long story) like 3 months ago it was a bit awkward. Me n Nic headed home at like 9.30 to have a fairly early night and watch gossip girl. When we got home Shane had bought a box of beer and was keen to have a few so me being the obliging person that I am, cranked up the music and got into it haha. Was probably not the best idea! I was quite tipsy and crying before the night was over cause me n shane were having a deep n meaningful as we do when were drunk and it took me back to thinking bout when I lost a bay earlier this year…wasn’t the best convo or time to be having it. Me n Shane actually talked for the first time in awhile and he told me that hes not in love with me etc hahahahaha was pretty funny cause he followed it up with but you need to forget about marc etc cause hes just stringin you along. What evs man you don’t wanna be with me? Ugh he can be so annoying. Hes just not my type aye lol. His hot best frind who he bought over to the house on Saturday is hahaha.

Anyway on Saturday we had the 21st of one of my best girls from school planned. It was gonna be a family dinner and then drinks at hers but got changed to drinks at ours somehow. So we decorated the house and sent the text out inviting everyone to ours and went to dinner. Ugh it was so uncomfortable cause the family of the bday girl hates me n somehow blames me for all of the drug problems and alcohol shit that shes been thru. Its so funny that they blame me cause the only drug I touch is weed and that’s not often. You couldn’t pay me to do other drugs. Anyway we got diner over and done with and headed back to mine for a good time. Things were going well and the boys had just got home from a soccer game and marc n co had just arrived. We were all hanging out etc n me n gen did speeches which by the way was so embarrassing in front of marc haha. Then gen decided it was time for her to talk to marc and tonz who wantedin on the action followed her and they went off to the other deck to talk. They were out there for like two hours! But back to the current situation by this time the bday girl jess is fucked and telling me how much she misses our old friendship etc so I grabbed marcs boys and took off outside lol. We were all cracking each other up and then shane started talking to me and saying some dirty as shit. I was just like ewww stop it and ran over to hide behind tyler lol. He was like whats wrong who are you hiding from and I told him and he put his arm around me and was like its ok lol.

Then the shit hit the fan! Shane who has this paranoia that marc is tryna steal gen from carl starts mouthing off about marc saying hes gonna go smash him blah blah as stupid boys do. so I went outside and hauled gens ass inside lol to try and prevent a fight and me n tyler n dean started planning on fighting shane haha. Not the one! Then marc came back and we were all talking and hanging out till I realized marc was pretty upset looking. The girls had told him what had been said and he wanted to leave. I was so mad cause I wanted to hang out with him but there was nothing I could do to change what shane had said. Fuck he drives me crazy. After marc left I text him and told him I was sorry but he was so upset. I don’t blame him! Yesterday he was alright tho and tonight we are having a talk about were this is gonna head cause im at the point of writing him off ya know. He told the girls he was keen etc but that hes scared of getting hurt cause hes been fucked over by his last two gfs. Im just like hello like I haven’t been screwed over either haha. I hope this talk goes the way I want it to but im not counting on iit. If it goes good hopefully we will get to hang out tomorrow!
Ugh I better do some work! Peace ya’ll!

photo post!

me n gen misbehavin in the car!

this is me a bit drunk!

hadley, tyler n marc

lisa and jess at our old house

me n nicole at my old flat

nicola and tonz at one of our bbqs

this is gen me shane n carlos at the mountain

this is carlos who is like my big bro!

this is me n marc!

this is tonz, gen n me in the car!

ok so i decided that since noone i know actually sees this im gonna post a few photos so you guys can see whose who! these are photos from my most recent weekend away and my housewarming at my last house! well now you guys know who i am lol! and you can see who marky marc is.

my weekend!

Ok so its Monday again and it’s the first day of December! Omg im freaking out! Only 24 more days till xmas and im going away to one of my most favourite places in the world in like 27 days! Arrrrggghhhh! So exciting!

Well this weekend was certainly interesting. Was so fun and relaxing. A group of us went down the line to a town about 2 and a half hours away to relax! Tonz aunty has a huge place with a kiwifruit orchard etc and a pool and its so fantastic to lax cause its where we went for our girls weeknd last month. We headed down there at about 4ish on Saturday and it was a tight squeeze in the car. Me tonz G Carlos n Marc were all crammed in like sardines. The trip down wasn’t too bad just all talking and singin along to the grease lightning sound track haha were so tragic! We got down there at like 7.30uish and grabbed dinner and went out to the house and jumped straight in the pool! It was so hot outside!

Things with me n marc were nothing special at this point. Then we got outta the pool and sat round having a few drinks and taking some photos. I love being a camera whore with my BFF’s haha. Then once tonz aunty had gone to bed we decided to go for a wander in the kiwifruit orchard and have a smoke. That’s about where things got different with me n marc…hes the worst person for giving off mixed messages. Like we came back to the house and we were all pretty wasted and I went to sit outside by myself and he came out and sat right next to me. Like pretty close. And then the others came out and I could just see what they were thinking. We were all talking etc and me n marc were flirting something chronic and it continued that way the whole night. But nothing happened. Its so frustrating cause in the morning I walked in on him n tonz tryna have a talk haha. He was like following me around when we were shopping as well.

But then I started thinking and ive kinda decided that im going to forget bout marc and only see him as a friend. I know that I sound like im really up down with all this stuff but I gotta put these barriers up cause I don’t wanna get hurt and I can see that comin. So im going to try and move on even tho I probably wont haha. I needa get out there and get some action happening haha. I have a bbq at marcs in a couple of weeks so that should be quite interesting! This blog rally has no point other than me getting it all out there haha I feel as if im just rambling!

Woop woop my trip away is only 27 days away! Hopefully I come back from that with lotsa good stories cause im hoping it is one 6 night party lol so should be great. Im a bit worried bout going away with nicola tho cause shes just so funny sometimes and like I don’t want us to be fighting while we are down there and end up coming back hating each other. She told carl the other day that she might be moving out…but she hasn’t told me yet so I wonder when that will be happeneing!!! Anyways my rambling is over! Im going back to work haha.

Happy!!!!

ohk so as im riting this im stitting here thinkin hmm am i gonna jinx this lol but oh well!

things with me n M are going pretty well at the mo..i think were heading more in the direction of being more than friends..we are talking more and more and later into the night! except he woke me up last night! lol i fell asleep and he text me to say good night! so my phone woke me up! ugh i needa start sleeping more or im going to get premature wrinkles haha.

we were talking bout random stuff last night...a lot of history there. like some of the stuff he says makes me think omg you are so sweet. cause when i was younger i used to go over to the other side of the city to go to this awesome bar...but the girls aroundd there dont have the best reps. they are spoiled little rich girls who get WHATEVER they want. used to be pretty funny when me n my friends would roll up. i think they were scared of us haha. M was like i dont like that scene casue there all just hoes and i was like doesnt that make it better! but no hes not like that...he doesnt do one night stands n is looking for a relationship...so fingers crossed that this weekend goes well cause i like him...

all my friends love M too! hes probably the nicest guy that ive liked in a long time..the only thing that scars me a bit is that him n carlos have a lot in common. they like all the same things and theyve got a bit of a bromance thing going on haha its so weird i havnt seen carlos get that excited bout another guy in awhile...

it seems that writing a blog when your happy can be hard..cause you dont have anything to bitch about lol. yay im slowly losing weight at the mo which is cool! except my boobs are getting smaller :( cause i used to be so tiny and then after i broke up with my ex i got bigger and altho im still pretty small i wanna be smaller! like i know im not fat but i know that i can be smaller...and its given me low self esteem for awhile now but im starting to get my confidence back!

well thats all from me today guys!!!

Bring on the weekend!

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my weekend

Well it is drama central in my life at the moment. I also got tagged but I will do that later on today cause my god I need to vent so bad!

Well me n my two besties were sitiing round on Saturday night talking when G came out with a confession. She is very unhappy in her relationship (with the guy whos like my big brother) and is thinking bout leaving him..once she started talking she didn’t stop. She told me n tonz that they hadn’t had sex in over three months and shit was just going down hill fast. It was just so weird and I don’t like seeing her hurt like this. Like shes such a strong person its unusual for her…

We had already made plans to go play some pranks on a few of our friends by gladwrapping there letter boxes hahaha so we went back to ours me n G could get ready. The boys were at ours getting ready to watch the league world cup and wanted us outta the house so they could have bouy time. We all got ready and weren’t really dressed in anything special. I had been wearing a mini and a singlet so I put a top jeans n boots on n same with G- we so weren’t dressed dressed up but when we went back into the lounge the boys were like where are you going (also would like to point out that M n his mate H were busy at a 21st). we told them the truth and said were going to do our prank. They were straight away suspicious. It was so fucked. Like I think it was cause shane was like oh yeah your gonna go see the boys blah blah blah which we had not intention to…so we left and the boys were okish I guess and we started driving around n doing our pranks…we had been textin M n H random shit all night so when 11 came they text to ask what we were upto cause the 21st was already over. We had just finished shrink wrapping our rival soccer clubs grounds lol and so we told them our next stop and headed to meet them and play some late night soccer haha. Also being that this was the first time me n M had seen each other since the whole hook up it was weird…

But we had all been hanging out with the boys for like an hour when all three of us girls phones went off…it was the boys asking where we were at etc…so I was straight up n told them that we were playing soccer and got asked who we were with so I told them…I didn’t think we had any reason to hide t and my big bruv got mad at me…so I decided to text and say that he should be able to trust me n nknow that I wouldn’t lie…they were thinking we had set this all up for some paranoid reason…which we hadn’t…after about another hour we decided to let off some fireworks but had to go find a spot so headed off to the beach and sat round talking and letting off a few fireworks…then M had this bright idea of going to another beach where there are these tunnels dso we headed there only to realize they were in another beach a bit further away…so we went there and ended up just climbing up this hill n sitting in the grass talking shit and having M find out all my embarrassing stories…it was pretty cool cause we were overlooking the whole city… we ended up getting home after 5am and me n G were not looking forward to going inside!

In the morning when we got up we were being givin the silent treatment…it was so fucked up…we had done nothing wrong and we were being ignored…after awhile and a few tears shane the ugly bastard ended up talking to us but big bruv held firm on the whole anger thing…which was not helping his case with G cause she was just getting madder. I had to go to family dinner so she went to M’s house to hang with him and I met up with them after and we just once again sat and talked avoiding going home..its so uncomfy and weird like all the vibes going round…but it was cool spending so much time with M…I may not know whats going on between us but he is awesome to hang with! Hehe we were texting till quite late last night!

Anyway I peaced it out with big bruv on my way home last night so that was all good and now I just have to help out my big bruv and G…cause this shit is getting me down…I don’t want them to break up but I think they might tonight…

ive been tagged!

K so StarzGazr has taken my tag v card hahah so here goes! rules:1. link to the person that tagged u and post the rules on ur blog2. share 7 weird/random facts about urself3. tag 7 random ppl at the end of ur post and include links to their blogs4. let each person kno that they've been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog

K so fact number #1- Christmas day is my favourite day of the year! It’s the one time me n my fams are all together!

Fact number #2- I really think I want a baby! Its sooo bad but I just have these maternal urges!!

Fact number #3- me n my mum didn’t speak for almost two years cause she was on drugs and shcked up with her dealer. It was the hardest time in my life and forced me to grow up so fast. Was like going to hell n back but me n my mum are stronger than ever now.

Fact number #4- I have three “dads”. My mums partner who I call my step dad..my sisters dad who was with my mum from when I was 1-16yrs old. So I call him my dad and finally the guy who donated the sperm…peter my biological father. I havnt seen him in 15 years!

Fact number #5- the guy I lost my virginity to cheated on me the same day with his cousin lol. I don’t know which was worse…that it was his cousin or that he cheated…

Fact number #6- I hate all animals! Im sorry but I cant stand being around them at all.

Fact number #7- red meat and pork and stuff makes me want to vomit. I don’t know why but that’s just the way it is!

Ok so im taggin-
http://lilmisschatterboxchatsaway.blogspot.com/

http://pumpkinspiders.blogspot.com

http://amysnewlife.blogspot.com

http://sophiacraig.blogspot.com/

http://lifeontheolist.blogspot.com/

http://evieinboston.blogspot.com/

http://6degreesofcontemplation.blogspot.com

fuzzy...

Ok so I officially cant stand males haha I think that writing a blog about them makes me cursed. So like two days ago M text me. I shoulda written bout it earlier but I was kinda hoping things would change. Anyhow after ignoring the couple of texts I sent him for a few days and not showing up at my soccer game as planned he finally text me. It helps that tonz had a go at him I guess lol.

So the contents of the text? All this stuff about how hes a little confused about what happened on Saturday etc and that hes not sure what he wants cause hes got so much family stuff going on and all this crap. So I text him back and I was just like I told you not to fuck me around. That was like the one thing I asked for. And all he could say was that he was talking to one of the boys and hes worried about the friendship being fucked up etc. I was just like omg I cant believe you said that. So I said well decide what you feelings are and let me know. Cause unless he does that its gonna go no where. Which I already see it doing.

Maybe I should just booty call my hot friend that I met in town. Like im so impaitenet you wouldn’t believe it. And surely you would think thatafter a good 6 weeks of this he would know what he wants! Err it makes me mad and it upsets me but then at the sametime like sometimes im really superficial and when I see a few aspects of him im def not interested. Haha but im a fussy bitch and I think I should get what I deserve.

On another note I had a dream last night about my ex. Cause im going away for new years to the town next to where he lives I guess hes been on my mind. Theres something about him tho. Like the sex and the connection. Bt mostly the sex haha. So anyway in my dream me n my mate were running late to catch our plane and then we finally got there and everyone else was there (which is weird cause we all have separate nye plans) and I went to say good bye to my ex and I was crying and really upset. And he looked at me and just said “ don’t cry I don’t love you anymore.” When I woke up I felt so relieved.. like maybe that was my minds way of telling me ive let go of him. I dot really think of him nymore as something im missing. More so now hes just like this amwzing guy that was my first love. And I will be greatful for all the stuff we went thru together. But I guess I don’t want him anymore. This is progress for me too I think.

I just needa find me some fun for now! Im over having no fun! Its been 7 months! That is way too long. Although there was reasoning behind it which I havnt told anyone except my best friends. I was sleeping with this guy for awhile in march n april. We had fun n it was just that. There were no feelings involved at all and it was like he would come over at night, we would have a few drinks, go to bed n then he would leave. Eventually it just all ended. And that was fine! He wasn’t that great in bed anyhow lol. But about a month after that I suffered a miscarriage. And it sucked. I had an idea that I was pregnant but I never got it confirmed. Which by the way for all you haters. Yeas I have been pregnant 3 times. And yes I have aborted one baby and lost another. But that is my shit and it is the most painful thing in the world to go thru. So if you wanna comment don’t ever say shit about that.

I guess ive been thiking a lot lately about how I have trust issues. And how I want a baby. I know im not supposed to think that way but I see so many people a lot younger than me having babies. Like why couldn’t I do that? This post is a little bit fuzzy as to what its about lol so sorry.

Thank god its Friday. Im so over work and cant wait to kick back in the sun with my girls and watch my big bruv play soccer! And tonight were going out to the beach to let off some fireworks and lax. And maybe just maybe I will get to see some boy action :P

Whatta Weekend!!

Wow what a weekend! Ohk so where do I start…well Friday night we went n watched my best guy mates play soccer and had a few drinks on the sidelines then managed to give ourselves a ton of energy lol! So we were sitting round home on facebook and noticed that one of M’s boys had his number on there so we started texting him..we ended up inviting him to come out with us for a drive round the city that night buut he was already in bed so he invited us to his 21st on the Saturday. I was like yeah we should go but at the same time I didn’t wanna see M cause I hadnt heard from him etc and kinda figured we werent going anywhere,=…but my girls pointed out I can be friends with M’s friends without it being weird etc.

Saturday day we woke up and it was awesome hot weather so we headed to the beach to play cricket and have a picnic and just lax in general! Was such an awesome day lol. Then went home to have home,ade burgers and went shopiing to pick upa hot new top to wear out that night! I figured I could make M jealous cause I had plans to booty call a guy I met in a club last month!

We got to our local bar and found M’s besty drinking by himself L so we started to have a few drinks with him and I bought him a shot etc was already pretty tipsy cause me n one of my girls had polished of a couple of wine bottles before we went out :P! we were all just chilling with H when M and the rest of the boys turned up. I wasn’t gonan speak to M first and even tho he came over to the table and we were introduced to the rest of the boys I ignored him lol and kept on with my conversation… one of my girls tonz went into go talk to them and was gone for ages so me n my girl gen decided to do a walk by lol mature I know! As we walked past I realised M was in the doorway so I gave him a playful shove but didn’t say anything! And by the way I was dressed to kill! I had my high high high peep toe heels on with a short skirt and my nnew cleavage top…so anyway we all went n got drinks and were talking to a few of the boys while tonz was inside talking to M and a few others…then tonz walked over and was like umm M is into you hes just been asking if your still interested etc…I was like umm ok where did this come from but just decided to ignore it…

So I went back out to the boys n girls and noticed tonz was now sitting on the other side of the bar with M…I was like umm ohk then so he can talk to one of my best mates but not me.. I wasn’t really impressed lol…we were all sitting talking when all of a sudden I felt to hand on my waist and M was turning me round and kissing me in front of the whole bar!! Then walking away!!!! I was just like huh??? I was sitting next to one of M’s friends who said to me as soon as M was gone that I should enjoy it but think nothing of it…so I text tonz and told her what T had said and she was like come over here…I was like no im not a booty call! Next thing I know ive got K going come with me and dragging me over there…so M could ask me out on a date! So apparently were going out on Friday tho im not sure if it will happen. I was straight up with him cause I was pretty sober and he was drunk and I was like im not into being led on and if your drunk will you remmeber??? He claims yes so we will see…I text him last night but didn’t here back from him!!! Which got me pretty upset but not much I can do…I really like him ya know. Hes just so nice and weve known each other so long…I guess I can only play the waitig game…

Life is sooo unfair! It sucks!

Ok so I just found out that someone ive been friends with for nine years has terminal cancer. That so isn’t fair like hes 21 years old. Im really gutted and it just keeps playing on my mind…I ended up finding out on Saturday night when his best friend (who is one of my favorite/good friends) showed up at my house so drunk he could barely walk. Like yeah we were all drunk and had been dancing by the fire for most of the night but he could barely function. And its like the second week in a row hes done this. Hes the nicest guy in the world but hes prone to drunk driving etc and when hes that drunk I don’t think even the worlds best driver could actually drive…. He said to me that he was broken and that Saturday was one of the first nights he had felt ok in ages…like how do I respond to that? It’s bad enough my friend has cancer let alone losing another one in an accident… if you guys are reading…I need advice….

A little update

Yay its Monday! I have my soccer semi finals tonight so that should be great! I’m already amping for it and were playing the team that I fully don’t like so it should be an interesting game! And I think M may be coming to watch as well. I saw him on Saturday night and he was asking where I play etc so I don’t know. I told him not to come so I could avoid the embarrassment but ya never know! And of course ive changed my mind cause I want him to come secretly…

I had the weirdest dream last night about my ex. Like we were these crime fighting heroes together lol and we had glasses that shot lasers and everyone would melt. So weird! I’m starting to get really excited about my trip away which is in 6 weeks. Ive gotta sort so much stuff out before I go and I need a hot ass dress to wear for new years so I gotta start looking for that! I just can’t wait to be in the sun!

So Over It!

Man work and everything is really getting me down this week! I just found out yesterday that our offices are 99% likely to be moving to another part of town which will add another hour or more onto my day. And that sucks big time! So im looking for a new job at the moment which is gay but there isn’t much I can do about that! And it will be great to hopefully work closer to home and all that sorta stuff! I guess im just really scared to get out there and take the leap of doing a new job…haha that’s probably really silly!

Im feeling super lonely as well but I think that cause all my girls have got stuff going on and are leaning on me to help them. Which I don’t mind cause I mean hey what are friends for. But sometimes I feel like im always the one people come to with there problems and never the person people are like hey are you okay to… so I probably do need to work on my talking skills lol and stop behaving like such a boy.

It doesn’t help that I havnt had a guy in my life since april! Man its been awhile haha and Im getting lonely. Like I want someone there for me but at the sametime I love being single. The last time M slept in my bed it was so good to have snuggles….

Ugh sorry bout my whinge everyone…im tired and stressed and so over everything!

Yay Barack Obama is the new president! Ive been following that closer than our own home elections!

thoughts?

Work is so frustrating today! I am feeling fully overworked and underpaid and it so doestn help that I screwed my shoulder last night at my soccer game! Man I felt like I sucked when we were playing! And it didn’t help we were playing this asshole team that I seem to have prolems with lol. One of the last times we were playing one of there team said something really rude to me then didn’t even shake my hand after the game! So I being who I am yelled at him in front of everyone haha and he ended up apologizing…and carlos has this thing where him and one of there players almost kill each other every game we play…so its never a good game really!
It made me feel so unfit! Like I was nearly vomiting from all the physical parts of it haha I suppose I shouldn’t laugh really! Im super glad M didn’t end up playing! Now that would have been so embarrassing! Haha I really freeze up when I have an audience buut I think I need to get past that cause I mean im not shy in other parts of my life.
Ive been doing so much thinking about M and I finally voiced some of it to my girls last night. Like I like him at night when were sitting around having a few drinks and hanging out etc but then in the morning its all like so different and I find myself thinking hmm am I attracted to him? Is this completely shallow? Like I feel like a bitch but I guess after all the times ive been fucked around I have high standards and I refuse to go back to someone that im not attracted to…ya know?
Ewww speaking of blast from the past I was at my family dinner the other night when my uncles gf whos 22 bought up the EX. Man that was awkward…I guess cause we were all close in age and used to spend a bit of time together it was a fair enough question…but as well I think it was good…like I was able to answer her questions honestly…when I said I didn’t know what he was upto and didn’t care I think I meant it… he was my first love and I don’t regret any of our time together…but I think I can finally let go…so what if I wear the necklace he gave me for my 17th birthday lol. I get so many compliments on it and I love it…not just for the sentimental value either….
I guess I finally feel like im making some progress!
On another note, I think one of my flatmates in going to move out…me n him had this thing like over a year ago and I found out last night hes still not letting it go…no matter what I do he seems to have this thing where he wont let go of me…and I don’t know how to really put it out there without letting him know what my friend told me…hmm it’s a tough situation cause I don’t want him to feel unwelcome in thhe house and I don’t wanna cause tension…even tho im not sure exactly how im doing it… errr! Its just annoying lol!

Ive Been Awol!

So it’s Monday and im back at work again! I just looked at my last blog and realized how slack I am and that I hadn’t been writing for awhile. I’ve been sick and tired for the last week! The flu is going round my hose hold so five sick people does not make for happy times!

This blog probably won’t be too long cause I don’t have all that much to write about! I had a pretty quiet weekend the week! On Friday we had a few people over to the flat and had a smoke and watched scary movies. Well actually we watched one before I chickened out and had to go to bed lol. God im such a wuss as M puts it! Speaking of M he was meant to come over with hi sboys on Friday and watch the movies with us but he text me at like 8.30 saying hey you should come over here but I had a house full so couldn’t leave. That was my Friday night anyway…

On Saturday night me n my girls n boys all had separate plans so we all went our separate ways. I had family dinner on the other side of the city…it was so weird cause I hadn’t been to one in like 4 months. I avoid them whenever possible cause it seems to bring out all this bad stuff in me. Like I feel so insecure and over weight and stuff when im around my family. They are like Barbie dolls! And it didn’t help that my aunty whos pregnant had her partners parents ( most major snobs!) over for dinner and was acting like the BIGGEST snobby bitch around them! So annoying! Like I mean my family is well off but we soo don’t act like that! And my nana is sick! Not good and she refuses to go to the doctor. So I hope it all turns out okay cause my poppa and nana are my rock! And they are so young like not even in there 60’s yet! it was pretty funny tho cause towards the end of dinner I was going crazy cause dinner always stresses me n I had M texting me and 3 of my girls! All wanting to see me!

By the time I got out of there I wanted to drink! So I grabbed a bottle of wine and picked my girls up then went home and got obliterated! Was great fun till I passed out on the couch haha. And my creepy flatmate started hittin on my! Hes so weird like we almost had this thing a YEAR ago and its like he still holds onto it. He was really freaking me out. I was so drunk and just sorta lying on the couch almost at the point of passing out when he comes in and starts saying all this gross shit to me! I didn’t like it at all and text the girls to come back inside and save me lol!

Yay my flat is having a guy fawkes bbq next weekend which should be so much fun! We always cook this huge feed and its always such a good time. So cruisy and M should be coming over after he goes to this concet. Hi and my best guy mate have this bet going bout whos gonna win the soccer game on Saturday lol. Its quite funny! I hope he comes over cause im gonna make my moves on Saturday! I have two options for who with lol cause this guy I will call the Pony is comin over too! He is HOT! So if it aint gonna work out with M then im gonna tap n gap the pony haha!

Im a bit of a tomboy so im gonna be dressing to impress on Saturday and wearing a skirt etc! so that should be a whole new playing field! If mr M who says he cant make his mind up is there im gonna make his mind up for him! Lol hes just been giving me the full vibe despite what hes said. But at the same time im not putting all my eggs in that basket haha!

Young, Free n Single!!

Ok so it’s Tuesday and im back at work after my fabulous long weekend! Ugh sigh! I hade the best time this weekend! me n my girls headed down to a town about 3 hours away after work on Friday and it was like just what I needed. We left the boys at home at about 5 and took our time leaving the city haha we didn’t even end up getting out until about 7 o’clock and we arrived at about 10, got some dinner and went to our house we were staying at. Nic went too bed when we got there but that was all good. Me, G n Tonz had a few drinks and played some singstar! It was awesome!

The next day we got up fairly early and headed off to another town a few minutes away and did what we girls do best! Some serious shopping. The funniest part about all of it was that I actually was the one to keep shopping after everyone else gave up! And I hate shopping. I guess im sort of like a boy in many ways cause I just cant be bothered wasting sooo much time shopping whereas all my girls can spend hours doing it! But all in all it was a good day! I bought a new hoody that was way cheap and some cute denim shorts and heaps of new knickers! I spent way more than I should of but it was worth it! We went out for dinner after a glass of wine by our fabulous pool and spent a good couple of hours at the restaurant eating and having some serious talking time.

I was watching this show on Thursday night and this lady lost her husband. By the end of the show I was in tears and it was just like why should I love someone when this could happen? I suppose I should be glad I am the way I am. I get on better with boys because im not one too show my feelings and im pretty tough. I mean don’t get me wrong I love to be spoiled and too love but im not the girl to go to when you want someone to cry etc. have you ever thought about what it would be like to lose those close to you? That’s seriously all I could think of it was so stupid.

After the restaurant we went home n hade a smoke which was sooo funny, one of my girls is pretty innocent and has never smoked before so watching her was probably the highlight of my night. She couldn’t even walk properly! Good times!!! We woke up in the morning to having no money and shitty as weather so we headed back home and invited my new interest and his boys round for a few drinks.

Me n M spent most of Sunday night cuddled up on the couch n playfighting which was soo much fun. Then he ended up sleeping in my bed cause we didn’t have enough couches for all of them too crash on. We had a few snuggles before going to sleep at about 7am! Sooo tired yesterday! We were according to my flat mate def giving off the vibe of something more than friends and I was feeling the vibe too.. So I decided I was gonna tell him that I liked him. I played soccer and after getting shit from my best guy mate I decided to give him a text. We were talking for awhile until I told him I had something I needed to say to him. I text him n said that I liked him but I didn’t want to if the thought wasn’t there. The response I got wasn’t exactly what I was hoping for. He said that he didn’t know what he was feeling and that he had a lot of stuff going on. So not the thing I needed to here. Im thinking that’s another guy that bites the dust.

I mean what am I supposed to do? sit around n wait while he decides if he wants me or not. Haha I guess this blog is helping me cause I only came to that conclusion as I was writing this! So it looks like its back to the drawing board for me! I’m young free and single officially once again! Why should I be the one to sit here waiting! I’m turning my feelings off!

HMMM

ok so im sitting here at work thinking bout this guy i recently re met again. the one i went to prmary school with. things have been quite weird in the way that he seems to like being the only one to make contact or flirt or whateva.

so last night i had quite and early night, cause my flatmates were all pissing me off something chronic! But that’s gonna be saved for later. Then for god knows what reason I woke up at like 3.30 this morning to a text from M(who musta been at the concert)
‘ jus ncase I die slipknot rox n you rock xx”
So im lying there thinking what the hell cause I didn’t know there was a concert haha and I text him back this morning just saying so are you alive…no response 5 hours later. I don’t need constant attention but just a reply would have been nice ya know.

He just seems like this awesome guy. Hes cute hes tall hes smart he plays all the sports I love and hes on his way too some serious qualifications. Am I overreacting or expecting too much? I know I need to learn patience but that’s something ive never really possessed haha. I blame my mum for that!

Ugh last night I was not in a good mood. I was just laxing at home and it was my turn too cook so I made this yum as dinner! Smashed postatoes, deviled sausages and broccoli and cheese and the night was going great, until like 8 oclock and I just got grumpy. I didn’t wanna talk to anyone and all I wanted to do was sit there. I don’t think im that great at living with 4 other people.

It doesn’t help that one of my flatmate-shane- and me used to have this sorta thing like a year ago. It didn’t work out and now since we live together im starting to think this guy is in love with me. Like seriously hes such a dick to me at times and the rest of the time he alternates between sleazy comments and just being way too nice. I want this shit too stop but I just don’t know how to tell him that hes mc sleazy extrodinare… like hes a good friend but some of the stuff he says too me…ugh I shudder thinking bout it now…

Yay im also in super excited mode at the mo cause Im going away with my three best friends on a road trip tomorrow! Im sure im gonna have lots too right about tomorrow cause man 4 girls spending 4 days together…its never gonna end well :P

Time for me too get back too work!

THE REMAINING STORY

So to continue, I hooked up with Mr. cheat and from then on we were together. We had this fantastic start to our relationship. He told me he loved me after 3 weeks and I know he meant it. Until that is our first bump in the road. Now I know hes always maintained that he was innocent and never had feelings for her, we discovered that his last gf now had cancer. And he took it pretty hard. So things were a bit rocky there for awhile. Then we managed to finish that year of school and everything was good and when I say good it was great. We had this amazing thing were he could read my mind and I could read his. Everything about us was perfect. He was so cute and we had the same tastes in so many things.

Then a few months into our last year at school we realized that I hadn’t yet had my monthly. And I was tiered and sick and just not great. So we spent a coupe of days waiting and worrying before our appointment trying to decided what to do. When the day finally came and the test came back positive…I just couldn’t believe it. I cried so much. Shortly after that we did all the routine stuff and went to the clinic to get an abortion. The most heart breaking thing was while we were sitting there Mr. cheat asked me to leave so we could go and have the baby.

After it all happened we went back to his house and spent the night chilling which was good because I needed him so much. But that wasn’t gonna last cause Mr. cheat decided to take off to Hamilton the next day and not tell me where he was. I was so worried and just couldn’t handle it. I was mourning the loss of my child and trying to get my relationship back on track. A few days later I ended up in hospital cause I wasn’t looking after my self. I finally managed to get him too come back for the night but he took off again the next day.. it was such a bad time in my life and probably his too.

After a few months our relationship started to take a bit of a down turn and he ended up ending things with me. Only problem was that we couldn’t stay away from each other and seemed to be more in love than ever. We both did the most spiteful things during that time. He had two gfs and I slept with one of his friends and hooked up with another, it was the ultimate in slutty times for me. I was always ready and willing to give in to mr cheat during that time cause I wanted him back soo bad even tho he was always so bad too me. He never thought bout me once durting that time and whenever it looked like I was going to break his hold over me he would always pull himself back in.

After two months of this I had had enough. I told him I couldn’t do it anymore and a few days later he came running back. He cried and apologized and it all seemed so much better. We moved in together out of the city and it was bliss. We had soo much fun and things were back too normal. Except for one thing. All of a sudden he was moving to the south island. And he didn’t know what he wanted from me blah blah blah. Eventually it was decided I would stay in the city until he had it all set up and then move down to be with him.

It was the hardest 2 months of my life and I could only afford to visit once in that time. I was missing him big time and finding it very hard to stay outta trouble. I had his friends all hitting on me and when I wouldn’t agree they would call him up and tell him bullshit and get him mad…now im sure you can figure out the rest of the story…I moved down there and found out he cheadted on me so after giving up my whole life for him I came straight back up to the city. I woulda thought that would be the end but it made it throught the grapevie that I had a new bf. And so of course he started chasing me and he wanted me back. It went on like this for months until I dumped my bf for him and he decided he wasn’t interested anymore. After awhile I decided he wasn’t worth it till I got a phone call at the end of last year from him… he was telling me we were gonna get married when we were the right age and have kids and it was all gonna bebreat. I couldn’t believe this guy….

Simce then ive had a couple of guys in my life but ive just never been able too move on…and now its like ive got theses two great guys around but im holding something back…hmm I don’t know im so confudsed. How do I make myself get over this guy!

The start of Me!

Ok so right now im sitting here and im feeling really selfish. I just got off the phone with Gen my best friend of 8 years and she made me really mad. We have this big plan to go away this weekend for labour weekend on the most awesome girls weekend But im broke. So were all doing this on sorta the cheap way but we all agreed. Mean while her and my friend were planning all this extra stuff behind my back like taking an extra car etc that would end up costing us so much more etc. and so yeah I got mad! Is that selfish?

So this situation with my old school firend whos now back in my life is so weird. Like he only ever texts me at night and never really has much to say. So im not getting the vibe that hes interested in me. But I dunno like I could be wrong or I could be trying to put too much onto something that im not ready for or am only doing to please my family.

I was inspired by one of the other bloggers to give you guys the full run down on my ex. This is probably going to sound so stupid cause its been 2 years since we broke up but I still cant get him outta my head.

I used to be the most serial dater I guess even at the young age of 16. I always had guys scomin in and out of my life and I never really showed any from of regard for there feelings. That is until I met this guy. I had been with my bf for a month when I met mr cheat cause he started at my high school. We just like clicked instantly. It was so funny cause all our friends 2would be like hey you guys should be together blah blah. Even my bf at the time would sit there asking me if I was gonna leave him for mr cheat-what can I say I musta been showing- I would always deny it and so would mr cheat. He was such a palyer and I so didn’t wanna get hurt. Eventually after us hanging out for like 4 months I started to click I had feelings for him. And from what id heard he wanted me just as bad. It all came to a head when we went on a school trip away. We eneded up zipped into our sleeping bags next to each other and one thing led to another and we hooked up…

I think im gonna have to finish this later..ive got soo much work to do and my break is over!

First...

Ok so i randomly stumbled upon these blogs a cpuple of weeks ago and theyve been sorta fascinating me ever since...and i love my friends but i dont think any of them really get where im coming from...



So to give you the lowdown on me...

Im 20 years old and i work as a credit controller and i love my job...altho i do think i have a tendancy to be slack which i am trying to fix...i live in a house with my best friends...Gen (best friend for 9 years), Carlos ( best friends bf and now like a big brother to me), Nic ( an awesome chick i met like 6months ago) and Shane (Carls big brother and royal pain in the ass.). I have the best relationship with my mum and im not currently on speaking terms with my dad. My mum and dad broke up when i was 16 and it forced me to grow up majorly..which is also about the time things went wrong.



Ok so this whole blog idea came about thanks to me trying to get back into the whole dating scene after i got heart broken two years ago.

There was this guy who i will call The Cheat..we were together for two and a bit years and he wa my first love...we went through so much together...an abortion..long distance...cheating...family stuff and we still managed to survive most of it.. that is until i moved to be with him and left everyone behind and found out he cheated on me while we were doig the whole long distance thing. at the same time i was also pregnant again. how unfair is that. i know people who read this( if they do) will be like omg at what i say next but im glad that i miscarryed. so i moved back home and since then ive just sorta madwe bad choice after bad choice while sorta clinging onto the hope that me and this guy will some how get back together. How deluded is that?



After quite some time of being single and loving it i got this random email from this guy i went to school with. and since then weve been talking and texting and emailing each other and ive seen him a few times. but its like if he flirts with me and i flirt back he shuts down. Like hello what am i not allowed to make a move or am i coming onto strong im so confused!



Onto the other men in my life..So my good friend Carlos has this HOT!!!!! friend who only wants one night stands...and after 6 months of no action im about ready to try n get him interested. even tho that ges against my whole system. I mean i dont do one night stands.



I had for awhile this guy i was sleepng with but he was a COCK to me and that ended back in april and there hasnt really been anyone since.



Also its hard when one of my room mates seems to have this crush that shoulda been gone a year ago! He just loves to make it diffucult for me! But hmmm perhaps i should do some work like im here for!