So I don’t really have much to say.. My car caught on fire or whatever on Friday morning so I didn’t go to work. Shane came and rescued me and I couldn’t get to work any other way. It sucked big time. I just spent the day doing nothing and feeding my addiction for one tree hill lol it was fantastic tho! Carl was home and spent the day coming to talk between ad breaks in the cricket so it was cool to spend time with him. I finally fell like we are getting our brother/sister relationship back and it makes me so happy! Him and gen April fools pranked us this morning. Was pretty funny. They hung a scream mask in my bedroom door way which thankfully I found before I stumble out in my half asleep morning stupor lol.. I went to bed uber early for me last night. Like was asleep at like 9.30ish. Tres unusual! But I got woken up by the bodyguard texting me and found the mask. I think I have an old lady bladder. I always need to pee in the night, maybe I should go get that shiz checked out. I’ve been pretty lazy with my blogging lately! Its taken me like 4 days to write this post. I always add like a sentence and then save it to my drafts haha. Grrr im having a fat WEEK at the moment which isn’t helping. But yays were going away camping next weekend for the four day holiday weekend! Its gonna be freezing tho! Oh well will be so worth it!
We had a girl’s night out the other night. Was so awesome. We started with cocktails at Tonz brothers’ house and then caught taxis into town. There was I think 15 of us at one point. I was putting my bartending skills to good use and making everyone toxic as cocktails before we left haha it was awesome! It was such a cool night and we lasted so well considering we statrted drinking at like 6 and didn’t get home till four lol. We briefly saw Hads, marc, Tyler and Doug in town when we were waiting for our ride. We were at the awesome bungalow 8 cranking it on stage! These girls were trying to stealth our place on the platform but we got rid of them. It was great! I loved it. We needa do it more often tho. Tonz invited Tyler away with us over Easter and im hoping he will come tho I seriously doubt it. I duno I don’t think anything will come of my little crush on him to be honest but hey whats a girl to do but try! So anyways this post is all over the show and at the mo my spelling is shocking! Im gonna bounce now yo!
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Part 2: Good bye anger!
So in thinking about the changes or adjustments I WANT to make to myself I have come to another realization.. I was asked by my Poppa the other night ( I had dinner with him and my nana before my bday) “what affect my mothers drug problem has had on me?”. I sat there at the table for ages and I struggled to think of what it was. And then I realized. Ive developed a very angry side to me and im so much quicker to anger than I ever used to be. I realized this as I was sitting at my desk getting pissed off at yet another one of my stupid customers that have no meaning to me. shane has in fact commented on my aggression as well. I never really thought about it till today. I could feel this intense anger boiling inside of me because of said customers and I had to wonder why. I wasn’t being irrational but I wasn’t being the most peaceful person.
So that’s bought me to the thoughts of working on that side of myself as well. I don’t want to be an angry person who cant control thier temper. Im probably one of the most laid back girls you will ever come across. In fact im more boy than girl in my attitudes to a lot of things.. why should I let a stupid temper ive developed turn into something it doesn’t need to be? This whole working on myself and who I am thing is going to be hard work but if im not happy with myself then whats the point in being who I am?
I remember the days in the old school yard (love Cat Stevens) when things were so simple. Whose party was worth going to.. where were we gonna hang after school? Which beach to wag at? Hoes over Bros always..Dont you miss those days?
So that’s bought me to the thoughts of working on that side of myself as well. I don’t want to be an angry person who cant control thier temper. Im probably one of the most laid back girls you will ever come across. In fact im more boy than girl in my attitudes to a lot of things.. why should I let a stupid temper ive developed turn into something it doesn’t need to be? This whole working on myself and who I am thing is going to be hard work but if im not happy with myself then whats the point in being who I am?
I remember the days in the old school yard (love Cat Stevens) when things were so simple. Whose party was worth going to.. where were we gonna hang after school? Which beach to wag at? Hoes over Bros always..Dont you miss those days?
Sunday, March 22, 2009
Self realisation!
Okay so ive come to the conclusion that in the end a guy will always hurt you. people say that you can never fully close your heart off to love but im so close to that point. Every guy I have ever been with has hurt me. let me tell you a little about my romantic history. Ill name a few guys and we can see how it ends. Im going to go right back to my first ever relationship when I was twelve and then you can understand how I got to the point that im at now. The no turning back heart on ice me that I can feel myself turning into.
- Jade/6 months/12-13: its never great when your that young but I found him in the shower with another girl on valentines.(he was older lol)
- Martin/7 months/14: we met so randomly and in the end I hurt him when I left him for someone else. He was a great guy but would kinda stalk me.he would always be at my bus stop after school etc and never ever left me alone!
- Patrick/1 month/14: I left martin to be with him and the day I lost my virginity to him he cheated on me with his cousin..then left me because he couldn’t see me very often. He spent months trying to get me back and for awhile I went out with him again but it was so dumb. The first cut is the deepest!
- James/5 months/15-16: he was 21 and the quintessential bad boy. He had a serious drug problem in the end and cheated on me one night out. I guess I shoulda stuck with my own age huh? In the end I left hm for the EX.
- The EX aka Sharn/2 and a half years/16-18: he hurt me in more ways then I can count. We broke up..he cheated on me..got back to gether..moved away to be with him and found he had cheated on me again..we almost got back together but after he had mangaged to get me to break up with my bf he wasn’t interested…always want what you cant have huh?
- Travis/3 months or so maybe more/ 18: he was still in love with his ex and me with mine so it was prob doomed from the start. He had a drug prob as well and broke up with me. then when I kept in touch with his lil bro he turned crazy threatened me and stuff. I have a protection order against him now.
- Ben/6 months/19: another one with a drug problem. I saved his ass from rehab. He was meant to be a one night stand cause he wasn’t exactly bf material. But I saw another side to him and fell a little. In the end I found out he had another gf.
So that is my dating history..you all know about Marc. I found out he was seeing someone else at the same time as he was telling me all that bullshit and if you look back at the entry about face book.. that status wasn’t bout me it was bout the other girl..and I think gen knew. Tonz as well im guessing. I think that hurt the most. They saw that I liked him and didn’t say anything.. but enough about that I cant keep dwelling on past hurts. As you can see my track record doesn’t exactly bode for a good outlook. I haven’t had a bf in two years. And I feel like no ones interested!
I spent a lot of time by myself yesterday thinking about my life and what I want. I came to the conclusion that I need to be happy with the person I am before I can expect someone else to want me. I want to loose weight and I finally feel like I have the dirve to do it. Im going to be going running with gen n shane next week and im going to be doing the lemon detox diet to help kick start the person I wanna be. I would like to lose about 20 kgs to get back to the size I used to be cause I think I struggle with my self demons too much and my self image is not good. I want to get out there and do things. Not sit on the couch wasting the day away. Eat fresh food and be less tired. Stop relying on caffeine…I never used to. Its time that I make my life MINE and that I put myself first. I don’t want to be unhappy and I will get back to where I wanna be. So I guess im embarking on a journey. I hope its worth it!
PEACE!
Thursday, March 19, 2009
TGIF!!
So I haven’t really got much to say..ive had such a cruisy week in all senses. Works been easy although its Friday at 9am and this shiz be dragging me down already! My FB status is “Woop Woop Its Friday! Roll On 4pm! Dang Nabbit Work Done Be Already Draggin Pa!” lol. Surprisingly there hasn really been any drama in the house apart from a few peeps snapping at each other and what not but come on what do ya expect when you put 5 good friends in a house together lol. Gen got so mad at me yesterday cause carlos was winding her up (it was hilarious) when we popped down to the mall to get a few things for our bbq tonight. in the end she kinda stormed off and was walking towards the supermarket when Nic was like ok whats up and I said carlos appears to be in…Big mistake lol. When you say one of the boys is in it means in the doghouse. Probably not the best terminology but oh well haha!
Were all going away for the four day easter weekend when we eventually hear back from tonz and it should be quite interesting going with 2 couples and tonz haha. Way to make that singleness stand out. Me and carl were talking for so long about it. He keeps giving me shit about the bodyguard saying I should tap him lol. Oh well if I actually talked with him I could work my voodoo charm lmao! God while I may be happy my life is insanely boring if this is what im resorting to talking about lol! Yays tomorrow me n my girls are going out for lunch then to see confessions of a shopaholic. The boys are going to drive down to htown to watch the cricket match if Pakistan is batting. Apparently this guy tendalkar is a legend!
As im typing this I feel so damn nauseous! Why oh why do girls have this crap to contend with lol. I seriously do wish and think I should have been born a boy tho I don’t think sex would be anywhere near as good hahaha! Man I ramble about a lot of shit aye. Im going to do this diet next week called the lemon detox diet. I think its gonna be pretty hard because all you have is this drink and tea for a whole week but its meant to help you give up smoking and to help you lose upto 10gs in that week. Its also so good for cleansing out all the booze and shite that I put in my body. I really hope I can achieve this! Would be so awesome to give up smoking and to lose weight and clear my skin etc.
I have a serious one tree hill addiction to go off on a new tangent! Why am I so all over the place haha I stayed up late to watch an episode. It helps I am in love with the guy who played JAKE. I wanna have his babies I tell ya! But I digress! Im going to do some editing to my blog I think it is trey boring!
Peace out holmes!
Were all going away for the four day easter weekend when we eventually hear back from tonz and it should be quite interesting going with 2 couples and tonz haha. Way to make that singleness stand out. Me and carl were talking for so long about it. He keeps giving me shit about the bodyguard saying I should tap him lol. Oh well if I actually talked with him I could work my voodoo charm lmao! God while I may be happy my life is insanely boring if this is what im resorting to talking about lol! Yays tomorrow me n my girls are going out for lunch then to see confessions of a shopaholic. The boys are going to drive down to htown to watch the cricket match if Pakistan is batting. Apparently this guy tendalkar is a legend!
As im typing this I feel so damn nauseous! Why oh why do girls have this crap to contend with lol. I seriously do wish and think I should have been born a boy tho I don’t think sex would be anywhere near as good hahaha! Man I ramble about a lot of shit aye. Im going to do this diet next week called the lemon detox diet. I think its gonna be pretty hard because all you have is this drink and tea for a whole week but its meant to help you give up smoking and to help you lose upto 10gs in that week. Its also so good for cleansing out all the booze and shite that I put in my body. I really hope I can achieve this! Would be so awesome to give up smoking and to lose weight and clear my skin etc.
I have a serious one tree hill addiction to go off on a new tangent! Why am I so all over the place haha I stayed up late to watch an episode. It helps I am in love with the guy who played JAKE. I wanna have his babies I tell ya! But I digress! Im going to do some editing to my blog I think it is trey boring!
Peace out holmes!
Monday, March 16, 2009
Happy Birthday To Me!!!
So im officially 21! Jealous much? Haha nah I feel a wee bit older but other than that I just plain feel tired! Im proud to say I remember my whole night and have no blanks despite the volume of booze I consumed!
Saturday started off well. I went out for brunch with my mum and aunty and we just hung out and talked the morning away which was nice. I found out that I have a brother who my own bio dad hasn’t even met. So that’s pretty weird to know that, like what if ive met him and don’t even know? Its been on my mind ever since then and it gives me even more reason to meet this father of mine. My aunty gave me the coolest collage of my family and some stuff to do with the native tribe im from which means a lot. I have no understanding of my Maori side so I do want to learn for sure. My auntys present goes perfectly with the key mum and paul my step dad gave me. I love it so much. Im gonna post a few photos uup so ill make sure I do that. I don’t actually have much to say about the party. I think I am now a legend lol. I did 8 yager bombs and drunk prob 10 vodkas and was still standing at the end of the night! Very unusual for a 21st. I did however chuck at the end of the night when we got home. damn denny’s chilli fries weren’t sitting well in my tummy I guess. Im still pretty tired aye! I went to bed at like 5 on Sunday morning and was up before 9. I guess that redbull was well and truly making its way through my blood stream. Haha we went n got bigmacs for breakfast and then cleaned up after the party. I felt so gross when all the alcohol started sweating it out.
Marc and the bodyguard didn’t stay long but I had quite a few people who did! It was so nice to see who came and who didn’t and see you know who is really there for you. I cant express how much it meant to me to have the others there ya know. Me n carlos seem to be repairing our relationship which is awesome. Im really stoked. I was back to calling him my big brother on sturday which I think was good for both of us.
Nic left early with hads which was disappointing. He was so tired like asleep at one of the tables tired but still… she was pretty gutted specially cause they ended up having a fight… she was just like “I left my best friends 21st for this crap.”. me n nic have come a long way I think. We had a nice talk on Saturday and she said some very nice things.
Im pretty damn lucky I didn’t have a heart attack drinking that many red bulls haha. The boys got me four n then the girls got me another 7 seperatly buut I only ended up doing 8/ tonz was so far trashed that she couldn’t stand and was vomiting! Not a pretty sight. Kinda disappointing as well but hey not much I can do now! Anyways I needa catch up on my work so heres some photos and ill post some more later!
Saturday started off well. I went out for brunch with my mum and aunty and we just hung out and talked the morning away which was nice. I found out that I have a brother who my own bio dad hasn’t even met. So that’s pretty weird to know that, like what if ive met him and don’t even know? Its been on my mind ever since then and it gives me even more reason to meet this father of mine. My aunty gave me the coolest collage of my family and some stuff to do with the native tribe im from which means a lot. I have no understanding of my Maori side so I do want to learn for sure. My auntys present goes perfectly with the key mum and paul my step dad gave me. I love it so much. Im gonna post a few photos uup so ill make sure I do that. I don’t actually have much to say about the party. I think I am now a legend lol. I did 8 yager bombs and drunk prob 10 vodkas and was still standing at the end of the night! Very unusual for a 21st. I did however chuck at the end of the night when we got home. damn denny’s chilli fries weren’t sitting well in my tummy I guess. Im still pretty tired aye! I went to bed at like 5 on Sunday morning and was up before 9. I guess that redbull was well and truly making its way through my blood stream. Haha we went n got bigmacs for breakfast and then cleaned up after the party. I felt so gross when all the alcohol started sweating it out.
Marc and the bodyguard didn’t stay long but I had quite a few people who did! It was so nice to see who came and who didn’t and see you know who is really there for you. I cant express how much it meant to me to have the others there ya know. Me n carlos seem to be repairing our relationship which is awesome. Im really stoked. I was back to calling him my big brother on sturday which I think was good for both of us.
Nic left early with hads which was disappointing. He was so tired like asleep at one of the tables tired but still… she was pretty gutted specially cause they ended up having a fight… she was just like “I left my best friends 21st for this crap.”. me n nic have come a long way I think. We had a nice talk on Saturday and she said some very nice things.
Im pretty damn lucky I didn’t have a heart attack drinking that many red bulls haha. The boys got me four n then the girls got me another 7 seperatly buut I only ended up doing 8/ tonz was so far trashed that she couldn’t stand and was vomiting! Not a pretty sight. Kinda disappointing as well but hey not much I can do now! Anyways I needa catch up on my work so heres some photos and ill post some more later!
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Family Ties
Well I may be about to take a massive step. As I mentioned in my last post, my bio father hasn’t exactly been in my life and ive started contact with the family again after nearly 20 years. I may be flying down to meet them in a month or so for Easter weekend. It’s a big step but I feel as if im ready to do it, they are my flesh and blood and I want them in my life and a part of it. I spoke to my aunty Roriana for the first time in my life last night. I was very very emotional afterwards but it was so good to talk to her. Im meeting her either on Friday or Saturday for brunch and to hang out. She said she has made me a collage of the family and stuff so that’s a really cool birthday present. If I do go down at easter it will be with gen n carlos. Were gonna fly down and then drive the rest of the 6 hours to get to where all my family will be. Its my uncles headstone unveiling so I don’t think I willl be able to deal with all the stuff on my own. And a holiday is always good times so just gotta see what happens after work when I see the others. Hopefully this comes to fruition.
Wow im 3 days away from turning 21. im so looking forward to it. I have about 50 or so people coming as well so that’ll be interesting. Carls sister who I had a massive fight ith last year asked if they were invited so that’s good. Weve recently started talking again and stuff so its still very strained and we don’t exactly hang out but it will be cool if they come. I had her and her husband on the invite list but in the end I wasn’t sure if I should say anything. Im glad heidi bought it up! God im so nervous and excited!!!!
Wow im 3 days away from turning 21. im so looking forward to it. I have about 50 or so people coming as well so that’ll be interesting. Carls sister who I had a massive fight ith last year asked if they were invited so that’s good. Weve recently started talking again and stuff so its still very strained and we don’t exactly hang out but it will be cool if they come. I had her and her husband on the invite list but in the end I wasn’t sure if I should say anything. Im glad heidi bought it up! God im so nervous and excited!!!!
Monday, March 9, 2009
Reflection Photos!
I love this photo of me n Nic Having a shot on a girls night!
This is classic as well! Awesome roadtrip! Im a dancing queen haha
Love these two! Two of my favourite boys!
Me n my BFF's Me n the girls!
My little sis n me The view on one of our holidays!
With our crusty snowman! My beautiful country!
My little sis n me The view on one of our holidays!
With our crusty snowman! My beautiful country!
Crissity Cross like a unicorns horns!
EXCITING TIMES!
I’m so sure I should be way more excited than what I am being that it’s a mere 4 DAYS away from only the best day of the year! Haha I crack myself up! So any who moving on to much more enthralling or rather disturbing news! I tracked down the ex on facebook today and now I’m sitting here kicking myself asking what is wrong with me?? like why do I feel the need to even find him…I’m not going to add him even though if I wasn’t typing this id be sitting on my hands to prevent such action.. I don’t need to see him or talk to him or anything yet I still feel that slight pull of curiosity to see what he’s doing and how he is etc. is that weird? Or just plain stupid?
In other news I can’t get this boy aka the bodyguard off my mind. It was such a weird situation on Saturday night. I don’t even know why I’m thinking about him. He doesn’t have an interest and if he does it was only cause he was drunk... its so super slutty for me to hook up with marc and have that whole mind fuck relationship with him then nearly hook up with doug or kiss him followed by being all cuddly and attached at the hip to Tyler.. Perhaps I need to not hang out with them haha. I’m a bit nervous to see Tyler!
On Saturday morning I’m meeting one of my biological father’s sisters for the first time. So that’s gonna be interesting for sure. On top of all the stress I have this. I want to do it because they are my family but I’m still crapping myself that it will be awkward or it wont happen or whatever. I met two of his other sisters back in like October or whatever last year and that went well but I haven’t had much contact since then. I have a total of 10 aunties and uncles on that side of the family and over 40 cousins that I haven’t met. How crazy is that? I guess its just protocol when you have a dead beat dad who doesn’t seem to have an interest. My aunty said she showed him my facebook photos and stuff and that he was a bit emotional but come on father NZ is a small place its not like I’m hard to find yah know. I just don’t understand how someone can become a father or a mother and just disappear form their child’s life. The last time I saw him was in March of 1994. He came to see me and bought me an Easter egg and that was it. He has sent me letters back in like 2001 and I told him how it was and said I wanted to keep in touch but then he never did. I’m not looking for him to be my father I just want to see this person who is half of who I am. I want to know my family history. If he thinks of me or loves me or misses me. I suppose the resounding communication silence at his end makes it a little hard but come on… pick up a phone and call me.
When I started this quest to meet these people back in like September last year I thought I would see him. I’ve always wanted to do this and with my 21st approaching I felt it was now or never... I wouldn’t change the life I have and i'm incredibly grateful to the man I consider to be my dad. Turning 21 may not be a big deal to some people but to me it will be the biggest milestone of my life! I’m thankful to my incredible parents for getting me this far... I have never been the perfect child and although they took me to hell and back I did the same. Now is a time for reflection of how lucky I am. My sister is amazing and I love her to pieces. I am lucky to have a young healthy extended family. Sorry about the rambling criss cross nature of this post. As I think I write it down.
Haha I keep getting distracted by one of my workmates trying to hype me up for my birthday so I better go! I’m going to post some photos as well though but that will be in another post. Just some family shots and some old school friend ones.
I’m so sure I should be way more excited than what I am being that it’s a mere 4 DAYS away from only the best day of the year! Haha I crack myself up! So any who moving on to much more enthralling or rather disturbing news! I tracked down the ex on facebook today and now I’m sitting here kicking myself asking what is wrong with me?? like why do I feel the need to even find him…I’m not going to add him even though if I wasn’t typing this id be sitting on my hands to prevent such action.. I don’t need to see him or talk to him or anything yet I still feel that slight pull of curiosity to see what he’s doing and how he is etc. is that weird? Or just plain stupid?
In other news I can’t get this boy aka the bodyguard off my mind. It was such a weird situation on Saturday night. I don’t even know why I’m thinking about him. He doesn’t have an interest and if he does it was only cause he was drunk... its so super slutty for me to hook up with marc and have that whole mind fuck relationship with him then nearly hook up with doug or kiss him followed by being all cuddly and attached at the hip to Tyler.. Perhaps I need to not hang out with them haha. I’m a bit nervous to see Tyler!
On Saturday morning I’m meeting one of my biological father’s sisters for the first time. So that’s gonna be interesting for sure. On top of all the stress I have this. I want to do it because they are my family but I’m still crapping myself that it will be awkward or it wont happen or whatever. I met two of his other sisters back in like October or whatever last year and that went well but I haven’t had much contact since then. I have a total of 10 aunties and uncles on that side of the family and over 40 cousins that I haven’t met. How crazy is that? I guess its just protocol when you have a dead beat dad who doesn’t seem to have an interest. My aunty said she showed him my facebook photos and stuff and that he was a bit emotional but come on father NZ is a small place its not like I’m hard to find yah know. I just don’t understand how someone can become a father or a mother and just disappear form their child’s life. The last time I saw him was in March of 1994. He came to see me and bought me an Easter egg and that was it. He has sent me letters back in like 2001 and I told him how it was and said I wanted to keep in touch but then he never did. I’m not looking for him to be my father I just want to see this person who is half of who I am. I want to know my family history. If he thinks of me or loves me or misses me. I suppose the resounding communication silence at his end makes it a little hard but come on… pick up a phone and call me.
When I started this quest to meet these people back in like September last year I thought I would see him. I’ve always wanted to do this and with my 21st approaching I felt it was now or never... I wouldn’t change the life I have and i'm incredibly grateful to the man I consider to be my dad. Turning 21 may not be a big deal to some people but to me it will be the biggest milestone of my life! I’m thankful to my incredible parents for getting me this far... I have never been the perfect child and although they took me to hell and back I did the same. Now is a time for reflection of how lucky I am. My sister is amazing and I love her to pieces. I am lucky to have a young healthy extended family. Sorry about the rambling criss cross nature of this post. As I think I write it down.
Haha I keep getting distracted by one of my workmates trying to hype me up for my birthday so I better go! I’m going to post some photos as well though but that will be in another post. Just some family shots and some old school friend ones.
Sunday, March 8, 2009
Stupid Computers! And a weekend update...
well i just wrote the longest ever post and then my computer fucked out so thats all down the drain now!
Ok well im gonna do some bullet points to give you the quick rundown cause im so not gonna type all of what I said out again!
1- I nearly hooked up with the bday boy aka “the bodyguard”. Towards the end of the night we were all over each other and he kept talking to me about doug and how im way too good for him etc and deserve only the best. It was really sweet. We were holding hands and hugging and stuff all night! We woulda looked like a couple to outsiders. Till he got called away. I was so sad haha.
2- doug kissed me n I told him to piss off. He kept trying to talk to me but I avoided him and told him I was way to drunk to deal with this shit. I think he got the hint. I havnt heard from him again!
3- marcs STUPID girlfriend officially hates me. she thought I was tryna steal her man. WTF!!!!! It aint my fault im more fun than her and me n marc are friends. I wonder if she knows what actually went on with me n him!
4- Nic n hads are officially a couple now. Its so good im so happy for them!
5- I feel like a dick after how drunk I was. Who ever said that drinking straight from the wine bottle is a good idea was VERY sadly mistaken. Never again!
6- what is wrong with me that I have to tell nic and hads that ive always been attracted to tyler and wanna hook up with him?
7- 5 days till my birthday! I cant freaking wait tho im having slight panic attacks that no one will show up!
8- im a bit nervous to see tyler again.
9- umm not sure what else I have going on but yeah that’s my update guys.
10- I met two hot guys- Kelly and Adam that are crazy and so much fun! Hopefully we hang out with them again!
I need some advice tho. Should I be feeling embarrassed bout the Tyler thing and was I too mean to doug?
*******UPDATE*********
doug just text me to apologize for his behaviour so thats good!
Ok well im gonna do some bullet points to give you the quick rundown cause im so not gonna type all of what I said out again!
1- I nearly hooked up with the bday boy aka “the bodyguard”. Towards the end of the night we were all over each other and he kept talking to me about doug and how im way too good for him etc and deserve only the best. It was really sweet. We were holding hands and hugging and stuff all night! We woulda looked like a couple to outsiders. Till he got called away. I was so sad haha.
2- doug kissed me n I told him to piss off. He kept trying to talk to me but I avoided him and told him I was way to drunk to deal with this shit. I think he got the hint. I havnt heard from him again!
3- marcs STUPID girlfriend officially hates me. she thought I was tryna steal her man. WTF!!!!! It aint my fault im more fun than her and me n marc are friends. I wonder if she knows what actually went on with me n him!
4- Nic n hads are officially a couple now. Its so good im so happy for them!
5- I feel like a dick after how drunk I was. Who ever said that drinking straight from the wine bottle is a good idea was VERY sadly mistaken. Never again!
6- what is wrong with me that I have to tell nic and hads that ive always been attracted to tyler and wanna hook up with him?
7- 5 days till my birthday! I cant freaking wait tho im having slight panic attacks that no one will show up!
8- im a bit nervous to see tyler again.
9- umm not sure what else I have going on but yeah that’s my update guys.
10- I met two hot guys- Kelly and Adam that are crazy and so much fun! Hopefully we hang out with them again!
I need some advice tho. Should I be feeling embarrassed bout the Tyler thing and was I too mean to doug?
*******UPDATE*********
doug just text me to apologize for his behaviour so thats good!
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Bringin the LOL's
I am bringing the lol’s today. I just spoke to nic while she was on her lunch break and she informed me that the THREE girls that doug is currently sleeping with and me his current flavour of the month will all be at the bodyguards 21st tomorrow night. Hads is betting that either he will get bitch slapped or these girls will cause a ruckus. I cant wait to watch on the sidelines tho I will be so pissed if it comes back on me. ive been putting off the hint that im not keen by not texting him etc but its not working apparently. Oh well im still amping for tomorrow night.
Yay I finally got a dress for my birthday! I cant wait for everyone to see it once ive taken some photos etc. its like mid thigh length halter dress with all these bright colours and stuff. The base colour is black but the rest of it is colour. I love it soo much it was like love at first sight! Im currently sitting at my desk at work waiting for 4 o clock to roll round so I can go home and begin my weekend. Work is so boring today. And it doesn’t seem like theres much going on in the world as well. I t doesn’t help I just went out for a ciggy break so ive lost my train of thought. Ihhh im getting my hair done tomorrow so that’s awesome. Its been like nearly a year since Ive had my highlights donw so will be nice to have my hair all good again. Getting a cut as well!
Yay I finally got a dress for my birthday! I cant wait for everyone to see it once ive taken some photos etc. its like mid thigh length halter dress with all these bright colours and stuff. The base colour is black but the rest of it is colour. I love it soo much it was like love at first sight! Im currently sitting at my desk at work waiting for 4 o clock to roll round so I can go home and begin my weekend. Work is so boring today. And it doesn’t seem like theres much going on in the world as well. I t doesn’t help I just went out for a ciggy break so ive lost my train of thought. Ihhh im getting my hair done tomorrow so that’s awesome. Its been like nearly a year since Ive had my highlights donw so will be nice to have my hair all good again. Getting a cut as well!
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
9 days left!
Well I don’t really have anything new to report..everything seems to be running smoothly in my life at the mo. Im uber excited cause its only 9 days till my 21st!!! I haven’t been able to find an outfit as yet but meh! Im not bothered! I made cd’s and stuff last night and tonz is making some for me so its cool. My mummy is making my photo boards and getting me a key and doing all the food with my dad! I really cant wait for this but at the same time im nervous. Doug was texting me last night and I told him how I felt About my 21st and he sent me the nicest text..i just have to share it! It went like this-
“Trust me you have nothing to worry about. You have heaps of great friends who clearly love you to bits. Your one of the coolest chicks ive met and your beautiful to boot. Believe me when I say nothing can go wrong :-)”
I read it and was just like awww that’s so sweet. Its so hard to decided what I want from him. He annoys me and stuff but hes so sweet and he makes this major effort. And its so nice to feel wanted! Ahhhh! Oh well im sure the answer will come at my bodyguards bday! I cant wait! And im getting my hair done with gen on Saturday morning. So gonna be looking good!
“Trust me you have nothing to worry about. You have heaps of great friends who clearly love you to bits. Your one of the coolest chicks ive met and your beautiful to boot. Believe me when I say nothing can go wrong :-)”
I read it and was just like awww that’s so sweet. Its so hard to decided what I want from him. He annoys me and stuff but hes so sweet and he makes this major effort. And its so nice to feel wanted! Ahhhh! Oh well im sure the answer will come at my bodyguards bday! I cant wait! And im getting my hair done with gen on Saturday morning. So gonna be looking good!
Monday, March 2, 2009
Warning Signs!
Okayyyyy…
So it would appear that Marc and Hads are worried about me… Nic confeesed to Hads on Sunday night that they were… I rang nic yesterday after work, cause we talk on the way home most days and she told me. I couldn’t quite believe it. They think he is going to hurt me. but it was helpful to know hes sleeping with three people at the mo. I knew he wasn’t jut chasing me but omg come on! It kinda rang alarm bells for me that his own besties are worried bout me hooking up with him. And being that im still undecided it doesn’t help. Hes really harassing me now about meeting up! So I needa decide what to do! specially cause it’s the Bodyguards 21st this weekend so he will def be there. Me n nic are gonna get fucked up haha. Should be such an awesome night! I cant freaking wait! That and my 21st is like 11 days away! Aghhhh so soon!
Also another thing that pissed me off last night was Ben n Alex (my two oldest guy mates) randomly showed up shirtless and carrying a chilly bin filled with beer and bourbon haha. Man have those boys filled out since high school ;-). Anyway Doug was texting me non stop as per usual and Ben noticed my phone going off and came and sat on my knee to read all my texts lol and asked me a few questions etc. then Gen decided to show them a pic of Doug and Ben n Alex and Gen got on this huge trip of telling me not to hook up with him. I actually had Ben n Alex sitting on either side of me going you are too good for him please don’t do it you deserve better blah blah. It was kinda hurtful and upsetting. Not to mention Carl got them started on me being a lesbian. They keep telling me they will still love me if I am lol but there aint no way that I am thank you! I like my penis far too much haha. Well this post is kind of a rant/? Who knows but im confused about Doug.
Should I listen to my boys comments bout their own boy or do I just go against it all? Im so confused..i know I don’t really find Doug attractive but with everyone being hooked up I wanna have some fun…
I have a little bit extra to add! I have a major owie on my leg! Alex whipped me with the wet dish cloth last night and now i have a fat as bruise! Hahaha go the war trophies!
So it would appear that Marc and Hads are worried about me… Nic confeesed to Hads on Sunday night that they were… I rang nic yesterday after work, cause we talk on the way home most days and she told me. I couldn’t quite believe it. They think he is going to hurt me. but it was helpful to know hes sleeping with three people at the mo. I knew he wasn’t jut chasing me but omg come on! It kinda rang alarm bells for me that his own besties are worried bout me hooking up with him. And being that im still undecided it doesn’t help. Hes really harassing me now about meeting up! So I needa decide what to do! specially cause it’s the Bodyguards 21st this weekend so he will def be there. Me n nic are gonna get fucked up haha. Should be such an awesome night! I cant freaking wait! That and my 21st is like 11 days away! Aghhhh so soon!
Also another thing that pissed me off last night was Ben n Alex (my two oldest guy mates) randomly showed up shirtless and carrying a chilly bin filled with beer and bourbon haha. Man have those boys filled out since high school ;-). Anyway Doug was texting me non stop as per usual and Ben noticed my phone going off and came and sat on my knee to read all my texts lol and asked me a few questions etc. then Gen decided to show them a pic of Doug and Ben n Alex and Gen got on this huge trip of telling me not to hook up with him. I actually had Ben n Alex sitting on either side of me going you are too good for him please don’t do it you deserve better blah blah. It was kinda hurtful and upsetting. Not to mention Carl got them started on me being a lesbian. They keep telling me they will still love me if I am lol but there aint no way that I am thank you! I like my penis far too much haha. Well this post is kind of a rant/? Who knows but im confused about Doug.
Should I listen to my boys comments bout their own boy or do I just go against it all? Im so confused..i know I don’t really find Doug attractive but with everyone being hooked up I wanna have some fun…
I have a little bit extra to add! I have a major owie on my leg! Alex whipped me with the wet dish cloth last night and now i have a fat as bruise! Hahaha go the war trophies!
Sunday, March 1, 2009
I finally did it ya'll!
Well I finally relented on Doug and invited him over on Saturday night! I’ve been sooo sick for the last four days! Like I missed work on Thursday cause I had had a headache for the last 3 days and it got quite bad then I started vomiting on Friday! That wasn’t fun! Tho I ate a caramel yoghurt then threw up and it smelt quite nice! Ewww I don’t know why I shared that! It just made my stomach turn lol.
But yeah back to Doug before I vomit again! I decided cause there was no one in the house except Nic n Hadley to let him come over but he had already made plans so I got rejected lol. Nah not really to be fair I did only decide to invite him over at like 8.30! Probably shoulda given him more notice. He kept asking to come over on Saturday but I wouldn’t give him an answer. I guess I find it hard to have him around because everyone gives me so much shit about him and I guess im slightly apprehensive…but anyways I ended up telling him to come watch a DVD- “house bunny” I actually felt dumber after watching it!- so he came round not long after I text him and watched the movie with us..After that we all ended up sitting round and talking while gen n Carl and Nic were in bed. Shane was being so funny and it looked like baby Tonz n Shane were gonna bang again…either that or kill each other haha. Anyways in the end Tonz caught a taxi home and Shane passed out on the couch! I tried to get him to go to bed but all he would do was kick me and call me a “black bastard” in a south African accent. So I told Doug I was tired and kicking him out and he wanted to see my photos before he left. He came in o my room and we talked for a little while then I walked him to the door and he kissed me! And man was it a good kiss. Like we are really good together! In the end I pushed him out the door but I keep thinking about the kiss! Man! Lol do you know what I mean? One of those actual sparks fly first kisses!
So now I don’t know what to do..as bad as it sounds Doug is not my normal type and I feel like everyone is looking down on me for hooking up with him..and him and marc are best friends ya know…like that’s weird. Specially cause he bought it up yesterday…also he only wants one thing…and I don’t know if I would be able to put the emotional barrier up for long.. Hmmm advice guys please!
But yeah back to Doug before I vomit again! I decided cause there was no one in the house except Nic n Hadley to let him come over but he had already made plans so I got rejected lol. Nah not really to be fair I did only decide to invite him over at like 8.30! Probably shoulda given him more notice. He kept asking to come over on Saturday but I wouldn’t give him an answer. I guess I find it hard to have him around because everyone gives me so much shit about him and I guess im slightly apprehensive…but anyways I ended up telling him to come watch a DVD- “house bunny” I actually felt dumber after watching it!- so he came round not long after I text him and watched the movie with us..After that we all ended up sitting round and talking while gen n Carl and Nic were in bed. Shane was being so funny and it looked like baby Tonz n Shane were gonna bang again…either that or kill each other haha. Anyways in the end Tonz caught a taxi home and Shane passed out on the couch! I tried to get him to go to bed but all he would do was kick me and call me a “black bastard” in a south African accent. So I told Doug I was tired and kicking him out and he wanted to see my photos before he left. He came in o my room and we talked for a little while then I walked him to the door and he kissed me! And man was it a good kiss. Like we are really good together! In the end I pushed him out the door but I keep thinking about the kiss! Man! Lol do you know what I mean? One of those actual sparks fly first kisses!
So now I don’t know what to do..as bad as it sounds Doug is not my normal type and I feel like everyone is looking down on me for hooking up with him..and him and marc are best friends ya know…like that’s weird. Specially cause he bought it up yesterday…also he only wants one thing…and I don’t know if I would be able to put the emotional barrier up for long.. Hmmm advice guys please!
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