Ok no lectures necessary... I’m well aware I haven’t written in awhile. As per usual when I am feeling content I don’t have the urge to write. I’ve been neglecting everything really lol. Facebook…blogs…my book… you name it i'm not doing it! I will answer the questions Steph asked in response to my last blog and tell you my exciting news and give you a bit of an update. God as I read this to myself I think hmm my blog sounds so monotonous lol.

Ohh exciting news number one- I think my poppas going to be buying me a car. Which is a huge relief. I saw the fambam on Saturday night and he asked me a few questions bout how much money I have saved so far etc and then asked if I wanted my bday present 6months early.. Hells yeah I do! So that makes me very happy…

Exciting news number two- I just signed up for a 7 week kickboxing class and have three other people doing it with me! How awesome is that! It’s a great way to get fit and it’s something i've wanted to do for the longest time... my mate from work, her friend and Carlos all wanna do it with me so that’s added inspiration!

Exciting news number three- Nicola has officially moved out of the house so it’s just me and the boys while we look for a new place. I’m totally stoked. It’s like a new sense of peace has come over the house. We are drama free and we can all say whatever whenever without running the risk of hurting or offending each other which is awesome. I defintly feel my maternal side with those two and do a lot more cooking and cleaning but because they show appreciation I really don’t care that they may not quite be doing there share. They look after me in a way that none of my female mates ever have...

Nothing else new to report really... My life is just cruising along! Also wanted to say a big shout out to Bondon! I haven’t spoken to you in ages lol and I miss your little comments!

Now to answer the questions...

My favorite thing to indulge in is probably just relaxing on my bed with music playing and reading a good book while eating chips and dip... It’s my absolute favorite way to have me time and I often have to set an alarm for myself so I don’t get to into it and forget all the other things I have to do... My job is so crazy lately that I dream of work and I live with two crazy boys so it makes it hard to relax for sure. It might sound like a boring indulgence but it’s me to a tee!

The reason I started my blog was because I needed an outlet. I often felt like my friends judge me on things I say or whatever up until recently. I needed to express the thoughts or feelings I still have/had for my ex as well and it defiantly helped to see other people’s blogs and the things that were said to them. My inspiration for this blog was a guy and was that way for a while but now I guess it’s just my outlet and I love it!

Keep on trucking!

So I guess you could say I’m one of those people that get inspired by others. As you probably know I’ve been considering pursuing what I really want outta life and as my career. I applied for a few jobs but none of them panned out at this stage so I was looking at courses the other night on the net. First of all what inspired me was Nicola is quitting her job and trying to work out whether or not she was gonna go back to school to study something else. And this whole unease with the girl’s thing has really made me put my life back into perspective. Like I mean friends are one thing but to make them your life is a whole other story. I don’t even know where i'm going with this really. I guess it’s more to update those of you who aren’t on facebook. Just cruising along with life really at the moment.

I’ve sorted the dramas in the house out but as for me n gen n Toni I have no idea what will happen there. As to whether or not it does get resolved is another story. I’ve said my piece and told them how I felt but if they won’t take that then there’s nothing I can do.

Nic and I are fine. Obviously our I’m so drunk I wont remember this talk went well. So that’s cool. And we are planning a sort of surprise party for Shane. Nic's going to be in charge of the cake which is awesome!

I need to know with absolute certainty that I can do this course and do it well and I guess I need to have my families backing on it. I spoke to my dad and granddad last night about it and although my dad thinks it should have been done two years ago he is in full support of it. Its would be hard and I would need to find a part time job and shiz before hand so I can be sure I wont starve to death but I really think I can do it ya’ll! Hmm we will see after I go to my family dinner on Saturday night!! I have such a busy weekend on at the moment lol.

I was just speaking to Nic on the phone about me going to jess’s for dinner tonight and I could sense the disapproval but she actually held her tongue. It was nice. I cant remember if I posted about it but I was in a taxi on the way to town with everyone and I guess I owe it to Hads for me n Nic having started talking again. He said it was so sucky seeing his girlfriend hurting cause she was fighting with her best friend and convinced us to talk. So for that I am glad!

Hmm it appears I am all over the place as well. BTW and I don’t say this because I am obsessed but I fully think you should all check out the twilight soundtrack! I have it on constant replay at the moment and im getting into a whole new style of music! Youtube search for the band 100 monkeys and their song :”scientists” as well. That’s is some good music!

A new perspective!

Today I woke up in a much better mindset! I spent a lot of last night thinking and making decisions. Im still taking steps towards being the person I want to be and I feel good about it! I think ive lost a little weight. I don’t have so much of the muffin top thang goin on at the moment and my boobs are shrinking ever so quickly haha. I applied for my dream like ultimate fantastical job today. I spent a lot of time debating over it. The job is in Qtown which is where I pretty much lived with the ex. But its more money and it would be an amazing foot in the door. I feel like its something I have to do and what with everyone ignoring me it helps me gain a new perspective. I kinda need to talk to my mum about all of this tho cause if something did go ahead she would probably be a little upset lol. A friend of mine just said to me that it’s a big thing to do and asked if I was ready for it. I just text back and said “ I feel like I gotta take a chance. All the shit that’s gone down with friendships n stuff over the last year shoulda changed things but 4 everyone to turn 2 turn their backs on me I feel like I got nothn left in me you know. “ haha I have no idea how she will take that. But what I said is true. I cant keep fighting this daily battle with everyone to do whats right or to sit in silence in my bedroom waiting for my reprieve from the jury that is my peers.

On other news I really feel that I should check myself into twilight rehab. I cant put the series down and im totally jonesing for my fix of the dvd. Ive watched it twice since I bought it and also the documentary on making it. Ive read the books a grand total of three times each in the last few months and im now considering buying the cd just to get that extra little hit haha. God help me!

I am in shock…

I shoulda seen it coming and stuff but my best friend is leaving.. gen is moving out officially. Carl and her had a talk last night and I guess that’s the resolution that they came to but that doesn’t make it suck any less. Apparently they are still together or whateva but just not gonna live together and they need to decided what they want from each other. I already miss gen! we never see each other anymore and ive seen her like twice in the last few weeks. It fully feels like ive been ditched in a very selfish way. I know it sounds incredibly selfish but its like tonz has stolen her from me. It was so weird yesterday going food shopping for only three people! But I guess life goes on.. and that one day they will have their answers. Personally I think carl is better off without gen after all the stuff ive been hearing. Its ridiculous… but also none of my business. Im just gonna be there for whoever needs me and sit back n watch!

I had such a good night on Friday night hangin out with ash and her crew. I felt like such a pimp when the three cars picked me up! Damn those are some nice ass cars and fast to! We went out to the north shore to pick someone up then rolled back to town to meet up with some more people. We parked up behind the museum and hung out and another car arrived then we went and met up with another. My hot ass friend from school was tryna get into me but I guess im just not interested lol cause I just kinda hid from him! On Saturday night we had a smoke and watched Robot Chicken! I fully recommend it if you wanna laugh your ass off! That about sums up my weekend guys! Sorry for the lame ass post but I guess that’s how I roll when im fairly content with my life..

p.s I invited Paul to Nics bday soiree on Friday and hes gonna be crashin in my bed!

Warning Signs!

Okayyyyy…

So it would appear that Marc and Hads are worried about me… Nic confeesed to Hads on Sunday night that they were… I rang nic yesterday after work, cause we talk on the way home most days and she told me. I couldn’t quite believe it. They think he is going to hurt me. but it was helpful to know hes sleeping with three people at the mo. I knew he wasn’t jut chasing me but omg come on! It kinda rang alarm bells for me that his own besties are worried bout me hooking up with him. And being that im still undecided it doesn’t help. Hes really harassing me now about meeting up! So I needa decide what to do! specially cause it’s the Bodyguards 21st this weekend so he will def be there. Me n nic are gonna get fucked up haha. Should be such an awesome night! I cant freaking wait! That and my 21st is like 11 days away! Aghhhh so soon!

Also another thing that pissed me off last night was Ben n Alex (my two oldest guy mates) randomly showed up shirtless and carrying a chilly bin filled with beer and bourbon haha. Man have those boys filled out since high school ;-). Anyway Doug was texting me non stop as per usual and Ben noticed my phone going off and came and sat on my knee to read all my texts lol and asked me a few questions etc. then Gen decided to show them a pic of Doug and Ben n Alex and Gen got on this huge trip of telling me not to hook up with him. I actually had Ben n Alex sitting on either side of me going you are too good for him please don’t do it you deserve better blah blah. It was kinda hurtful and upsetting. Not to mention Carl got them started on me being a lesbian. They keep telling me they will still love me if I am lol but there aint no way that I am thank you! I like my penis far too much haha. Well this post is kind of a rant/? Who knows but im confused about Doug.

Should I listen to my boys comments bout their own boy or do I just go against it all? Im so confused..i know I don’t really find Doug attractive but with everyone being hooked up I wanna have some fun…

I have a little bit extra to add! I have a major owie on my leg! Alex whipped me with the wet dish cloth last night and now i have a fat as bruise! Hahaha go the war trophies!

I finally did it ya'll!

Well I finally relented on Doug and invited him over on Saturday night! I’ve been sooo sick for the last four days! Like I missed work on Thursday cause I had had a headache for the last 3 days and it got quite bad then I started vomiting on Friday! That wasn’t fun! Tho I ate a caramel yoghurt then threw up and it smelt quite nice! Ewww I don’t know why I shared that! It just made my stomach turn lol.

But yeah back to Doug before I vomit again! I decided cause there was no one in the house except Nic n Hadley to let him come over but he had already made plans so I got rejected lol. Nah not really to be fair I did only decide to invite him over at like 8.30! Probably shoulda given him more notice. He kept asking to come over on Saturday but I wouldn’t give him an answer. I guess I find it hard to have him around because everyone gives me so much shit about him and I guess im slightly apprehensive…but anyways I ended up telling him to come watch a DVD- “house bunny” I actually felt dumber after watching it!- so he came round not long after I text him and watched the movie with us..After that we all ended up sitting round and talking while gen n Carl and Nic were in bed. Shane was being so funny and it looked like baby Tonz n Shane were gonna bang again…either that or kill each other haha. Anyways in the end Tonz caught a taxi home and Shane passed out on the couch! I tried to get him to go to bed but all he would do was kick me and call me a “black bastard” in a south African accent. So I told Doug I was tired and kicking him out and he wanted to see my photos before he left. He came in o my room and we talked for a little while then I walked him to the door and he kissed me! And man was it a good kiss. Like we are really good together! In the end I pushed him out the door but I keep thinking about the kiss! Man! Lol do you know what I mean? One of those actual sparks fly first kisses!

So now I don’t know what to do..as bad as it sounds Doug is not my normal type and I feel like everyone is looking down on me for hooking up with him..and him and marc are best friends ya know…like that’s weird. Specially cause he bought it up yesterday…also he only wants one thing…and I don’t know if I would be able to put the emotional barrier up for long.. Hmmm advice guys please!

3 posts in one day haha

So its 28 days till the big 21st birthday and counting…and all im getting from everyone is negativity. I wish id never agreed to have it at the house and could of afforded the club. They keep putting so many restrictions on it and obviously unlike gens bday im not going to get any help. It feels a bit weird to be decorating for your own party. Its gonna be such a mission to clean up by myself the next day as well. We cleaned up after gens for her arty while she slept all day. So should be interesting to see me when I wake up cleaning up my house on my actual bday. I feel like I cant invite anymore people to my bday and no ones said anything bout helping all they’ve said is what they want. I know I prob sound like a selfish barat or an obsessive person who over thinks but this is who I am and if youu don’t like it then hit the x in the corner. God im such a juvenile but I guess the fact that they’ve all been talking about it but don’t talk to me doesn’t help. I feel myself pulling further and further away from them all and tho I don’t want it to happen ican see how it will go. I have this habit of fleeing from my problems and that’s what I will do. ive been looking online at jobs overseas as a way of escaping. Would be pretty cool and you know what…I don’t think anyone would miss me…

stupid balding little weasel males!

I am so freaking pissed right now! I went to soccer last night and doug was playing for us cause carl and dobby couldn’t make it. The game before us was running late so we ended up sitting back chatting. Im not sure who will remember but going back to like the beginning of December when all the stuff with me and marc was going on there was MAJOR tension going on in my house. we were all fighting and it was like me n gen against the others. It was horrible. Gen and carl were at the point of breaking up and me n nic were barely speaking. Me n carl have had major shit go down.

The reason we were fighting? Cause the boys and nic were convinced that marc had feelings for gen ETC…me gem m tonz defended this from day one. I mean come on I was the one who was seeing him blah blah. But he was always texting her back etc. I put it down to them being good friends. I mean they clicked instantly. Go I feel like such an idiot! Like I actually have no faith in males ofr anything now. Marc is such a lying little homewrecking whore! It turns out that yes at one point he did have feelings for gen and he was trying to get with her! I cant believe it. Like im so angry I don’t have words for it! He needs to stay the hell away from gen and carl cause they sure as hell dint need his shit!

I couldn’t sleep last night thinking about it. I don’t think doug realized that what he told me was such a big deal but it was. I feel so humiliated cause all along I thought he actually cared about me. god no wonder I get on better with his friends than I do with him!!!!!

On another note…marcs mate doug has been texting me non stop! And my mate ashley is setting me up with this guy called johnno lol. He sounds nice! Theres also that whole tyler thing. Hes so cute!

Grrr so mad! Am I over reacting or do I have a right to feel like this? I feel like my gut instinct let me down and that yeah I deserve to be in the dog box with carl cause I shoulda listened to one of my good friends over a lying, balding little weasel! This is why I don’t trust males! What would make a person do something like that? My god carl apologized to marc about shane saying stuff to him! If you look at the decemeber blogs you can see. Sorry im too gumby to know how ta post the links!

Long weekend!

Ok so currently i feel like some sort of topsy turvy spinning top. On thursday night i had my work xmas party and all i remember is that i was soooo drunk! wasnt good lol i didnt/couldnt go to work on friday cause i woke up and was still so drunk! haha its a good thing my boss had already given me n my work mate the day off! i ended up throwing up out my window after i got home cause i was like asleep then woke up to the world spinning haha. was a good night tho and im really glad i went!

so friday was spent having lunch with my besties and just hangin out at home. was pretty good to relax like that really. i had lunch with all three of them lol so that was probably the best part of the day. one of my besties tonz got some bad news on thursday so we went out for a quiet coffee at the beach on friday night. was pretty cool just to grab some starbucks and lax back with the other three. things at home have been pretty intense so its always like everyones trying to escape the house i guess.

i had a good sleep in saturdy then just went n did some xmas shopping and hung out with nic at home before we had to go to the bbq at Marcs house. now this is where it gets interesting. we were some of the first people to arrive so we were just laxing and hanging out which was so good. tonz was on a really bad buzz cause her sister who might have breast cancer had been back tothe doctor and they told her there were now lumps in her lymph nodes. so its not looking good at the moment. so me n tonz were hanging out hard out and talking shit as we do. lol i think we scared this 17 year old that plays in marcs team. cause when were altogether we get feisty haha.

after we had eaten a few people started leaving so it ended up being like 10 of us hangin out. marc tonz this guy doug and his gf took off inside and i could see them. next thing i hear is marc going yeah shes hot blah blah blah. i was just like umm ohk what are they talking bout. thhen my phone goes off. its a text from marc sayiing " so what if the whole situation with shane forced me to make a decision that i didnt want to" . i was like umm ohk thats pretty random and asked him what he means. he was just like well i fet like i had to say that i just wanted to be friends cause of all the shit with shane ( being that shane tried to start a fight with him last weekend.) and so i was like well ohk umm you sure your not just drunk and he was like no im not and i want to give whatever we may be a shot...so im not sure whats happening. we spent some time alone lying under the stars cuddled up under blankets which was cool and then i text him when i got home at like 5am and said that i wasnt sure what was happening and he said that he meant what he said.

but then none of us heard from him yesterday so im not sure... i guess its a waiting game.

things at home kinda exploded last night tho... we decided to have a house meeting cause weve been so messy lately etc and it turned into an isssues meeting. which was good but really hard. we needed to get everything out in the open but things with me n nic really turned to shit. she had this friend who fully screwed her over like a year and a half ago and she finds it hard to trust etc. and apparently she thinks im going to do that to her... its so fucked up that she would think i could do something like that to her. and it was like being stabbed it was so painful when she said that. i really cant talk to her or even loook at her. like i know that i havnt been the greatest friend lately because me n her have been fightin but that was just so extreme. it wasnt good. i ended up having one on ones with my boys as well which was cool. me n carlos really sorted out what was wrong which was great. and me n shane even made progress. apparently hes going to say sorry to marc. should be interesting.

oh well time for me to work! cause apparently i owe my boss big time lol

Im feeling down!

Update time!
So guys me n marc are officially just friends. In some ways im upset but at the same time im not. It probably wouldn’t of worked out anyway cause he isn’t what im looking for and has way to many issues. Im in a bad place myself at the mo and robably couldn’t give what is needed of me to someone. Besides there are way more fish in the sea for me to catch! And im going on my massive new years holiday in 18 days and hopefully will be having some major fun lol! I cant wait for it. I need to get away from my friends, family and life. My living situation at the moment is sucky as. It just seems like there is way to much fighting going on and everyone is shit stirring etc. its gay. I cant stand it ya know. Im seriously thinking about settling myself down hard out in 09 and moving to America or Canada. And then going from there to Europe. I guess you could call it an exercise in self preservation. Cause ive been feeling so down and stuff at the moment and I don’t feel like I can talk to my friends about it. They never seem to get it when I do anyway. Ugh bring on queenstown. Is it completely bad of me that im hoping irun into my ex when im there tho?? I would love to have that one last time with him lol een tho I know what a skeeze he is… I hadn’t actually said that out lout till now.. im so silly! Im going shopping after work cause I have a bbq at marcs to go to and his whole cricket team is gonna be there so im guessing there will be hot guys! And I wanna look hot now im officially not wanting marc! Im such a bitch haha. That’s about all I ave to say today!

HMMM

ok so im sitting here at work thinking bout this guy i recently re met again. the one i went to prmary school with. things have been quite weird in the way that he seems to like being the only one to make contact or flirt or whateva.

so last night i had quite and early night, cause my flatmates were all pissing me off something chronic! But that’s gonna be saved for later. Then for god knows what reason I woke up at like 3.30 this morning to a text from M(who musta been at the concert)
‘ jus ncase I die slipknot rox n you rock xx”
So im lying there thinking what the hell cause I didn’t know there was a concert haha and I text him back this morning just saying so are you alive…no response 5 hours later. I don’t need constant attention but just a reply would have been nice ya know.

He just seems like this awesome guy. Hes cute hes tall hes smart he plays all the sports I love and hes on his way too some serious qualifications. Am I overreacting or expecting too much? I know I need to learn patience but that’s something ive never really possessed haha. I blame my mum for that!

Ugh last night I was not in a good mood. I was just laxing at home and it was my turn too cook so I made this yum as dinner! Smashed postatoes, deviled sausages and broccoli and cheese and the night was going great, until like 8 oclock and I just got grumpy. I didn’t wanna talk to anyone and all I wanted to do was sit there. I don’t think im that great at living with 4 other people.

It doesn’t help that one of my flatmate-shane- and me used to have this sorta thing like a year ago. It didn’t work out and now since we live together im starting to think this guy is in love with me. Like seriously hes such a dick to me at times and the rest of the time he alternates between sleazy comments and just being way too nice. I want this shit too stop but I just don’t know how to tell him that hes mc sleazy extrodinare… like hes a good friend but some of the stuff he says too me…ugh I shudder thinking bout it now…

Yay im also in super excited mode at the mo cause Im going away with my three best friends on a road trip tomorrow! Im sure im gonna have lots too right about tomorrow cause man 4 girls spending 4 days together…its never gonna end well :P

Time for me too get back too work!