Today I woke up in a much better mindset! I spent a lot of last night thinking and making decisions. Im still taking steps towards being the person I want to be and I feel good about it! I think ive lost a little weight. I don’t have so much of the muffin top thang goin on at the moment and my boobs are shrinking ever so quickly haha. I applied for my dream like ultimate fantastical job today. I spent a lot of time debating over it. The job is in Qtown which is where I pretty much lived with the ex. But its more money and it would be an amazing foot in the door. I feel like its something I have to do and what with everyone ignoring me it helps me gain a new perspective. I kinda need to talk to my mum about all of this tho cause if something did go ahead she would probably be a little upset lol. A friend of mine just said to me that it’s a big thing to do and asked if I was ready for it. I just text back and said “ I feel like I gotta take a chance. All the shit that’s gone down with friendships n stuff over the last year shoulda changed things but 4 everyone to turn 2 turn their backs on me I feel like I got nothn left in me you know. “ haha I have no idea how she will take that. But what I said is true. I cant keep fighting this daily battle with everyone to do whats right or to sit in silence in my bedroom waiting for my reprieve from the jury that is my peers.
On other news I really feel that I should check myself into twilight rehab. I cant put the series down and im totally jonesing for my fix of the dvd. Ive watched it twice since I bought it and also the documentary on making it. Ive read the books a grand total of three times each in the last few months and im now considering buying the cd just to get that extra little hit haha. God help me!
Showing posts with label the ex. Show all posts
Showing posts with label the ex. Show all posts
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Stop playing things that make me remember!
Why oh why are they playing the song on the radio that made me fall for The Ex? The day I think I fell for him and there was no turning back sticks in my mind something chronic. We had always been good friends and spent a lot of time together before we hooked up but cause I had a boyfriend I wasn’t looking for more than what we had. We met in my second to last year of school. He was new to school and the first words I said to him where “who the hell are you” followed shortly by “don’t sit with them, their losers”. Yip that’s right folks at one point I was one of those girls that we all loved to hate at school. I guess it was cause that year was my year at school.
Anyway i'm going off on one of my Zara tangents n I should get back to the story. We were in this crazy intense outdoors class that meant the 12 of us that were lucky to be picked made a bond that would last for life. A lot of that year was about conquering fears and pushing my boundaries to a point I don’t think I can go to anymore. One day we were doing the final outdoor part of an exam for school. Now at that point (I was like 16) I was deathly afraid of heights. So when the time came for us to go up on this high ropes course 10 metres off the ground and then walk out on wire only using each other as support…I freaked lol. I couldn’t do it. I was physically shaking and I almost started crying. So here we are up on this high wire facing each other and I am like seriously shittin my pants in fear. Romance had always been predicted for us but denied.. Anyway as I’m up there crying he starts singing… “Lean on me, when you not strong, I’ll be your friend, I’ll help you carry on”. Do ya see why I fell for that SOB? That was it for me. It was probably one of the nicest things a guy has ever done for me. The Ex told me the whole time that we were together that the first day he saw me he said to himself he was gonna fuck me. About a week later he wanted to be with me. 4 months later he was.
The first time he told me he loved me was in a letter. We had been together about two weeks and we had this silly little spat about my ex boyfriend and him. I broke up with and cheated on this guy for the ex but always felt that my 21 year old ex used me for his school girl fantasies. Anyway I hadn’t slept with the ex either. We could spend hours making out but I always stopped it cause I didn’t want him to be taking me for a ride. In the end it came out that I was worried he was using me for sex. We sorted our stuff out and a couple of days later were sitting in English. I was flipping through his book when I found this letter to me in the centre. It was so sweet and reassuring and he signed it “love ya”. That freaked me out something chronic. Two weeks later he told me for real. I found this letter that he had written to an ex when they were together. He had been drinking and we were sitting around at his house when I found it. We ended up chasing each other all over the house and I was trying to climb over his back to get it when he said “I love you”. Wow was that the fastest ive ever run away from a guy lol. Just to go off on a ZARA tangent. why is the radio playing all these songs that make me reminisce at this current time and why cant I be allowed to turn it off! Lol it took me like a week to say it to him but when I did it was great. From then on we were inseparable. Lol at one point our parents banned us from spending time together so that the rest of the world existed!
What if I don’t have firsts with another guy? What if I’m destined to live vicariously through memories? That’s what I worry about. I’m going to be an old maid by the time I’m 22. Two years without a BF is such a long time….
Anyway i'm going off on one of my Zara tangents n I should get back to the story. We were in this crazy intense outdoors class that meant the 12 of us that were lucky to be picked made a bond that would last for life. A lot of that year was about conquering fears and pushing my boundaries to a point I don’t think I can go to anymore. One day we were doing the final outdoor part of an exam for school. Now at that point (I was like 16) I was deathly afraid of heights. So when the time came for us to go up on this high ropes course 10 metres off the ground and then walk out on wire only using each other as support…I freaked lol. I couldn’t do it. I was physically shaking and I almost started crying. So here we are up on this high wire facing each other and I am like seriously shittin my pants in fear. Romance had always been predicted for us but denied.. Anyway as I’m up there crying he starts singing… “Lean on me, when you not strong, I’ll be your friend, I’ll help you carry on”. Do ya see why I fell for that SOB? That was it for me. It was probably one of the nicest things a guy has ever done for me. The Ex told me the whole time that we were together that the first day he saw me he said to himself he was gonna fuck me. About a week later he wanted to be with me. 4 months later he was.
The first time he told me he loved me was in a letter. We had been together about two weeks and we had this silly little spat about my ex boyfriend and him. I broke up with and cheated on this guy for the ex but always felt that my 21 year old ex used me for his school girl fantasies. Anyway I hadn’t slept with the ex either. We could spend hours making out but I always stopped it cause I didn’t want him to be taking me for a ride. In the end it came out that I was worried he was using me for sex. We sorted our stuff out and a couple of days later were sitting in English. I was flipping through his book when I found this letter to me in the centre. It was so sweet and reassuring and he signed it “love ya”. That freaked me out something chronic. Two weeks later he told me for real. I found this letter that he had written to an ex when they were together. He had been drinking and we were sitting around at his house when I found it. We ended up chasing each other all over the house and I was trying to climb over his back to get it when he said “I love you”. Wow was that the fastest ive ever run away from a guy lol. Just to go off on a ZARA tangent. why is the radio playing all these songs that make me reminisce at this current time and why cant I be allowed to turn it off! Lol it took me like a week to say it to him but when I did it was great. From then on we were inseparable. Lol at one point our parents banned us from spending time together so that the rest of the world existed!
What if I don’t have firsts with another guy? What if I’m destined to live vicariously through memories? That’s what I worry about. I’m going to be an old maid by the time I’m 22. Two years without a BF is such a long time….
Sunday, March 22, 2009
Self realisation!
Okay so ive come to the conclusion that in the end a guy will always hurt you. people say that you can never fully close your heart off to love but im so close to that point. Every guy I have ever been with has hurt me. let me tell you a little about my romantic history. Ill name a few guys and we can see how it ends. Im going to go right back to my first ever relationship when I was twelve and then you can understand how I got to the point that im at now. The no turning back heart on ice me that I can feel myself turning into.
- Jade/6 months/12-13: its never great when your that young but I found him in the shower with another girl on valentines.(he was older lol)
- Martin/7 months/14: we met so randomly and in the end I hurt him when I left him for someone else. He was a great guy but would kinda stalk me.he would always be at my bus stop after school etc and never ever left me alone!
- Patrick/1 month/14: I left martin to be with him and the day I lost my virginity to him he cheated on me with his cousin..then left me because he couldn’t see me very often. He spent months trying to get me back and for awhile I went out with him again but it was so dumb. The first cut is the deepest!
- James/5 months/15-16: he was 21 and the quintessential bad boy. He had a serious drug problem in the end and cheated on me one night out. I guess I shoulda stuck with my own age huh? In the end I left hm for the EX.
- The EX aka Sharn/2 and a half years/16-18: he hurt me in more ways then I can count. We broke up..he cheated on me..got back to gether..moved away to be with him and found he had cheated on me again..we almost got back together but after he had mangaged to get me to break up with my bf he wasn’t interested…always want what you cant have huh?
- Travis/3 months or so maybe more/ 18: he was still in love with his ex and me with mine so it was prob doomed from the start. He had a drug prob as well and broke up with me. then when I kept in touch with his lil bro he turned crazy threatened me and stuff. I have a protection order against him now.
- Ben/6 months/19: another one with a drug problem. I saved his ass from rehab. He was meant to be a one night stand cause he wasn’t exactly bf material. But I saw another side to him and fell a little. In the end I found out he had another gf.
So that is my dating history..you all know about Marc. I found out he was seeing someone else at the same time as he was telling me all that bullshit and if you look back at the entry about face book.. that status wasn’t bout me it was bout the other girl..and I think gen knew. Tonz as well im guessing. I think that hurt the most. They saw that I liked him and didn’t say anything.. but enough about that I cant keep dwelling on past hurts. As you can see my track record doesn’t exactly bode for a good outlook. I haven’t had a bf in two years. And I feel like no ones interested!
I spent a lot of time by myself yesterday thinking about my life and what I want. I came to the conclusion that I need to be happy with the person I am before I can expect someone else to want me. I want to loose weight and I finally feel like I have the dirve to do it. Im going to be going running with gen n shane next week and im going to be doing the lemon detox diet to help kick start the person I wanna be. I would like to lose about 20 kgs to get back to the size I used to be cause I think I struggle with my self demons too much and my self image is not good. I want to get out there and do things. Not sit on the couch wasting the day away. Eat fresh food and be less tired. Stop relying on caffeine…I never used to. Its time that I make my life MINE and that I put myself first. I don’t want to be unhappy and I will get back to where I wanna be. So I guess im embarking on a journey. I hope its worth it!
PEACE!
Monday, March 9, 2009
Crissity Cross like a unicorns horns!
EXCITING TIMES!
I’m so sure I should be way more excited than what I am being that it’s a mere 4 DAYS away from only the best day of the year! Haha I crack myself up! So any who moving on to much more enthralling or rather disturbing news! I tracked down the ex on facebook today and now I’m sitting here kicking myself asking what is wrong with me?? like why do I feel the need to even find him…I’m not going to add him even though if I wasn’t typing this id be sitting on my hands to prevent such action.. I don’t need to see him or talk to him or anything yet I still feel that slight pull of curiosity to see what he’s doing and how he is etc. is that weird? Or just plain stupid?
In other news I can’t get this boy aka the bodyguard off my mind. It was such a weird situation on Saturday night. I don’t even know why I’m thinking about him. He doesn’t have an interest and if he does it was only cause he was drunk... its so super slutty for me to hook up with marc and have that whole mind fuck relationship with him then nearly hook up with doug or kiss him followed by being all cuddly and attached at the hip to Tyler.. Perhaps I need to not hang out with them haha. I’m a bit nervous to see Tyler!
On Saturday morning I’m meeting one of my biological father’s sisters for the first time. So that’s gonna be interesting for sure. On top of all the stress I have this. I want to do it because they are my family but I’m still crapping myself that it will be awkward or it wont happen or whatever. I met two of his other sisters back in like October or whatever last year and that went well but I haven’t had much contact since then. I have a total of 10 aunties and uncles on that side of the family and over 40 cousins that I haven’t met. How crazy is that? I guess its just protocol when you have a dead beat dad who doesn’t seem to have an interest. My aunty said she showed him my facebook photos and stuff and that he was a bit emotional but come on father NZ is a small place its not like I’m hard to find yah know. I just don’t understand how someone can become a father or a mother and just disappear form their child’s life. The last time I saw him was in March of 1994. He came to see me and bought me an Easter egg and that was it. He has sent me letters back in like 2001 and I told him how it was and said I wanted to keep in touch but then he never did. I’m not looking for him to be my father I just want to see this person who is half of who I am. I want to know my family history. If he thinks of me or loves me or misses me. I suppose the resounding communication silence at his end makes it a little hard but come on… pick up a phone and call me.
When I started this quest to meet these people back in like September last year I thought I would see him. I’ve always wanted to do this and with my 21st approaching I felt it was now or never... I wouldn’t change the life I have and i'm incredibly grateful to the man I consider to be my dad. Turning 21 may not be a big deal to some people but to me it will be the biggest milestone of my life! I’m thankful to my incredible parents for getting me this far... I have never been the perfect child and although they took me to hell and back I did the same. Now is a time for reflection of how lucky I am. My sister is amazing and I love her to pieces. I am lucky to have a young healthy extended family. Sorry about the rambling criss cross nature of this post. As I think I write it down.
Haha I keep getting distracted by one of my workmates trying to hype me up for my birthday so I better go! I’m going to post some photos as well though but that will be in another post. Just some family shots and some old school friend ones.
I’m so sure I should be way more excited than what I am being that it’s a mere 4 DAYS away from only the best day of the year! Haha I crack myself up! So any who moving on to much more enthralling or rather disturbing news! I tracked down the ex on facebook today and now I’m sitting here kicking myself asking what is wrong with me?? like why do I feel the need to even find him…I’m not going to add him even though if I wasn’t typing this id be sitting on my hands to prevent such action.. I don’t need to see him or talk to him or anything yet I still feel that slight pull of curiosity to see what he’s doing and how he is etc. is that weird? Or just plain stupid?
In other news I can’t get this boy aka the bodyguard off my mind. It was such a weird situation on Saturday night. I don’t even know why I’m thinking about him. He doesn’t have an interest and if he does it was only cause he was drunk... its so super slutty for me to hook up with marc and have that whole mind fuck relationship with him then nearly hook up with doug or kiss him followed by being all cuddly and attached at the hip to Tyler.. Perhaps I need to not hang out with them haha. I’m a bit nervous to see Tyler!
On Saturday morning I’m meeting one of my biological father’s sisters for the first time. So that’s gonna be interesting for sure. On top of all the stress I have this. I want to do it because they are my family but I’m still crapping myself that it will be awkward or it wont happen or whatever. I met two of his other sisters back in like October or whatever last year and that went well but I haven’t had much contact since then. I have a total of 10 aunties and uncles on that side of the family and over 40 cousins that I haven’t met. How crazy is that? I guess its just protocol when you have a dead beat dad who doesn’t seem to have an interest. My aunty said she showed him my facebook photos and stuff and that he was a bit emotional but come on father NZ is a small place its not like I’m hard to find yah know. I just don’t understand how someone can become a father or a mother and just disappear form their child’s life. The last time I saw him was in March of 1994. He came to see me and bought me an Easter egg and that was it. He has sent me letters back in like 2001 and I told him how it was and said I wanted to keep in touch but then he never did. I’m not looking for him to be my father I just want to see this person who is half of who I am. I want to know my family history. If he thinks of me or loves me or misses me. I suppose the resounding communication silence at his end makes it a little hard but come on… pick up a phone and call me.
When I started this quest to meet these people back in like September last year I thought I would see him. I’ve always wanted to do this and with my 21st approaching I felt it was now or never... I wouldn’t change the life I have and i'm incredibly grateful to the man I consider to be my dad. Turning 21 may not be a big deal to some people but to me it will be the biggest milestone of my life! I’m thankful to my incredible parents for getting me this far... I have never been the perfect child and although they took me to hell and back I did the same. Now is a time for reflection of how lucky I am. My sister is amazing and I love her to pieces. I am lucky to have a young healthy extended family. Sorry about the rambling criss cross nature of this post. As I think I write it down.
Haha I keep getting distracted by one of my workmates trying to hype me up for my birthday so I better go! I’m going to post some photos as well though but that will be in another post. Just some family shots and some old school friend ones.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
This years love...
Ok so I recently bought the David Gray CD “white ladder”. Probably not the best idea now im in the cold light of day. One of my all time favorite, can listen to over and over, never get sick of songs is his onne called “this years love”.
I freaking love that song so much! I wanna marry him just for that song. But it also holds memories for me. I sent the lyrics of the song, which im gonna print below to my ex. The ex. When we were planning to get back together for the second time after the final break up I needed to show him how I felt and what I expected from our reunion. So I sent him the email etc. in the end it didn’t work out so meh. As im typing this im like hmmm maybe it is a good thing…its making me think about when that guy comes along..the one I will be with what I want from him. I don’t want some guy wo will just be casual and wont show his feelings. I want that magical connection. And I wanna be wooed! You know what I mean? Like someone who wants me enough that he will buy me flowers and will put up with my friends and our dramatics. And hold my hand and stuff. One day I will get that but for now I really am happy. Jealous slightly of nics new found love with hads but still happy lol.
Doug keeps texting me n stuff. I logged on to facebook last night and the chat window popped up with a message from him saying “hows my sexy girl”. Tho he only wants me for sex its nice to get these compliments. He says nice stuff to me all the time. I guess im confused. I don’t know if I am attracted to him and I worry that if we did start up a friends with benefits that I would develop feelings for him..im prone to do that and its already weird enough with me having vaguely dated one of his friends…hmmm I don’t know what to do. we ight be hanging out this weekend if anythings on otherwise who knows!
Here are the lyrics as promised!
This years love had better last
Heaven knows its high time
Ive been waiting on my own, too long,
When you hold me like you do
It feels so right, oh now
Start to forget how my heart gets torn
When the hurts get thrown
Feelin like i cant go on
Turning circles time again
Cut like a knife, oh now
If you love me got to know for sure
Cuz it takes something more this time
Then sweet, sweet lies, oh now
Before I open up my arms and fall losing all control
Every dream inside my soul
When you kiss me on the midnight street
Sweep me off my feet
Singin aint this life so sweet?
This years love had better last
This years love had better last
Cuz whose to worry if our hearts get torn
When that hurt gets thrown
Don’t you notice life goes on
Wont you kiss me on that midnight street
Sweep me off my feet
Singin aint this life so sweet
This years love is here to last
This years love is here to last
This years love is here to last
This years love is here to last
I freaking love that song so much! I wanna marry him just for that song. But it also holds memories for me. I sent the lyrics of the song, which im gonna print below to my ex. The ex. When we were planning to get back together for the second time after the final break up I needed to show him how I felt and what I expected from our reunion. So I sent him the email etc. in the end it didn’t work out so meh. As im typing this im like hmmm maybe it is a good thing…its making me think about when that guy comes along..the one I will be with what I want from him. I don’t want some guy wo will just be casual and wont show his feelings. I want that magical connection. And I wanna be wooed! You know what I mean? Like someone who wants me enough that he will buy me flowers and will put up with my friends and our dramatics. And hold my hand and stuff. One day I will get that but for now I really am happy. Jealous slightly of nics new found love with hads but still happy lol.
Doug keeps texting me n stuff. I logged on to facebook last night and the chat window popped up with a message from him saying “hows my sexy girl”. Tho he only wants me for sex its nice to get these compliments. He says nice stuff to me all the time. I guess im confused. I don’t know if I am attracted to him and I worry that if we did start up a friends with benefits that I would develop feelings for him..im prone to do that and its already weird enough with me having vaguely dated one of his friends…hmmm I don’t know what to do. we ight be hanging out this weekend if anythings on otherwise who knows!
Here are the lyrics as promised!
This years love had better last
Heaven knows its high time
Ive been waiting on my own, too long,
When you hold me like you do
It feels so right, oh now
Start to forget how my heart gets torn
When the hurts get thrown
Feelin like i cant go on
Turning circles time again
Cut like a knife, oh now
If you love me got to know for sure
Cuz it takes something more this time
Then sweet, sweet lies, oh now
Before I open up my arms and fall losing all control
Every dream inside my soul
When you kiss me on the midnight street
Sweep me off my feet
Singin aint this life so sweet?
This years love had better last
This years love had better last
Cuz whose to worry if our hearts get torn
When that hurt gets thrown
Don’t you notice life goes on
Wont you kiss me on that midnight street
Sweep me off my feet
Singin aint this life so sweet
This years love is here to last
This years love is here to last
This years love is here to last
This years love is here to last
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Coming up! Vday update!
So my weekend plans are pretty non existent at this point but at the same time they are pretty full on! Tonight us girls are running the kitchen down at the soccer club and watching the boys play there final games of the soccer league then I will be picking nic up from town after her very late xmas dinner! Should be fun being at the club. It’s a sign of how things are changing tho cause I used to get a fourpack of drinks Friday, rock over to gen n carls house in go n watch the game with an assortment of people. It was always so much fun but after all the shit went down we kinda just stopped all that well I did anyway and ive only been to like 5 of the games! So gay haha. But oh well at least im at the final one tonight. ashley my mate from school who ive always had an on off relationship with just called me at work and told me to come hang out tonight. my hot boy crush from primary school is gonna be there minus his bitch of a gf lol. Should be fun! Not that I would try it on him but were just gonna watch dvds etc!
Tomorrow night being valentines day we are doing the whole anti valentines thing at home and just having a few drinks. Ive never really had a memorable valentines lol. Ive only ever had a worthwhile bf for 3 of them…
My first ever celebrated valentines was all bout my bf tryna cop a feel in the park! Oh so romantic and then him refusing to come hang out with my family and going to see his boys! Haha how awesome is that! No flowers no nothing!
My second valentines celebration was spent with my bf sharn. We had been together for nearly a year and I went hard out. Bought him this $50 book on surfing spots that he really wanted and like put it in this box filled with candy and stuff. I soent hours on it! He gave me a necklace that cost $14.00 cause he spent all his money on beer to drink with my dad! Lol then him and his mate took me n my mate to pizza hut of all places and tried to dine n dash! How sweet is that! I did get some freaking fantastic sex afterwards tho…but then again with him I was always satisfied!
My third and final valentines being hooked up we were long distance from each other so we talked for a couple of hours on the phone and it was nice…
Good old valentines o make a single girl think! Doesn’t matter me tho I like who I am! Omg last night my stupid light bulb went out while I was in bed so I had to go steal one from our lounge to change it so I could see in the morning. In Nz we are having the most massive heat wave! Its good but so gross at the moment. Like you wake up sweating and cant get to sleep at night. I was changing my lightbuld when I managed to smash the glass lampshade that goes round it so I had to be all he man like and go and get gens tool kit and carls flash light and change it all lol. Ooops what a wally! By the tome I was done with that I was covered in drips of sweat! And eww while I was in the kitchen shane came out in no pants lol! Not a pretty sight!
Its been so weird hanging with ashley again. Shes been a bitch majorly to me in the past and responsible for most of the rumprs spread about me but I just can never seem to turn my back on her..that and she has the most gowagus little three year old who I have spent so much time with. Ash took me in when I had no where to live and was always there for me… will just have to see how this time goes I guess!
Tomorrow night being valentines day we are doing the whole anti valentines thing at home and just having a few drinks. Ive never really had a memorable valentines lol. Ive only ever had a worthwhile bf for 3 of them…
My first ever celebrated valentines was all bout my bf tryna cop a feel in the park! Oh so romantic and then him refusing to come hang out with my family and going to see his boys! Haha how awesome is that! No flowers no nothing!
My second valentines celebration was spent with my bf sharn. We had been together for nearly a year and I went hard out. Bought him this $50 book on surfing spots that he really wanted and like put it in this box filled with candy and stuff. I soent hours on it! He gave me a necklace that cost $14.00 cause he spent all his money on beer to drink with my dad! Lol then him and his mate took me n my mate to pizza hut of all places and tried to dine n dash! How sweet is that! I did get some freaking fantastic sex afterwards tho…but then again with him I was always satisfied!
My third and final valentines being hooked up we were long distance from each other so we talked for a couple of hours on the phone and it was nice…
Good old valentines o make a single girl think! Doesn’t matter me tho I like who I am! Omg last night my stupid light bulb went out while I was in bed so I had to go steal one from our lounge to change it so I could see in the morning. In Nz we are having the most massive heat wave! Its good but so gross at the moment. Like you wake up sweating and cant get to sleep at night. I was changing my lightbuld when I managed to smash the glass lampshade that goes round it so I had to be all he man like and go and get gens tool kit and carls flash light and change it all lol. Ooops what a wally! By the tome I was done with that I was covered in drips of sweat! And eww while I was in the kitchen shane came out in no pants lol! Not a pretty sight!
Its been so weird hanging with ashley again. Shes been a bitch majorly to me in the past and responsible for most of the rumprs spread about me but I just can never seem to turn my back on her..that and she has the most gowagus little three year old who I have spent so much time with. Ash took me in when I had no where to live and was always there for me… will just have to see how this time goes I guess!
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Im feeling down!
Update time!
So guys me n marc are officially just friends. In some ways im upset but at the same time im not. It probably wouldn’t of worked out anyway cause he isn’t what im looking for and has way to many issues. Im in a bad place myself at the mo and robably couldn’t give what is needed of me to someone. Besides there are way more fish in the sea for me to catch! And im going on my massive new years holiday in 18 days and hopefully will be having some major fun lol! I cant wait for it. I need to get away from my friends, family and life. My living situation at the moment is sucky as. It just seems like there is way to much fighting going on and everyone is shit stirring etc. its gay. I cant stand it ya know. Im seriously thinking about settling myself down hard out in 09 and moving to America or Canada. And then going from there to Europe. I guess you could call it an exercise in self preservation. Cause ive been feeling so down and stuff at the moment and I don’t feel like I can talk to my friends about it. They never seem to get it when I do anyway. Ugh bring on queenstown. Is it completely bad of me that im hoping irun into my ex when im there tho?? I would love to have that one last time with him lol een tho I know what a skeeze he is… I hadn’t actually said that out lout till now.. im so silly! Im going shopping after work cause I have a bbq at marcs to go to and his whole cricket team is gonna be there so im guessing there will be hot guys! And I wanna look hot now im officially not wanting marc! Im such a bitch haha. That’s about all I ave to say today!
So guys me n marc are officially just friends. In some ways im upset but at the same time im not. It probably wouldn’t of worked out anyway cause he isn’t what im looking for and has way to many issues. Im in a bad place myself at the mo and robably couldn’t give what is needed of me to someone. Besides there are way more fish in the sea for me to catch! And im going on my massive new years holiday in 18 days and hopefully will be having some major fun lol! I cant wait for it. I need to get away from my friends, family and life. My living situation at the moment is sucky as. It just seems like there is way to much fighting going on and everyone is shit stirring etc. its gay. I cant stand it ya know. Im seriously thinking about settling myself down hard out in 09 and moving to America or Canada. And then going from there to Europe. I guess you could call it an exercise in self preservation. Cause ive been feeling so down and stuff at the moment and I don’t feel like I can talk to my friends about it. They never seem to get it when I do anyway. Ugh bring on queenstown. Is it completely bad of me that im hoping irun into my ex when im there tho?? I would love to have that one last time with him lol een tho I know what a skeeze he is… I hadn’t actually said that out lout till now.. im so silly! Im going shopping after work cause I have a bbq at marcs to go to and his whole cricket team is gonna be there so im guessing there will be hot guys! And I wanna look hot now im officially not wanting marc! Im such a bitch haha. That’s about all I ave to say today!
Monday, November 24, 2008
Thursday, November 20, 2008
fuzzy...
Ok so I officially cant stand males haha I think that writing a blog about them makes me cursed. So like two days ago M text me. I shoulda written bout it earlier but I was kinda hoping things would change. Anyhow after ignoring the couple of texts I sent him for a few days and not showing up at my soccer game as planned he finally text me. It helps that tonz had a go at him I guess lol.
So the contents of the text? All this stuff about how hes a little confused about what happened on Saturday etc and that hes not sure what he wants cause hes got so much family stuff going on and all this crap. So I text him back and I was just like I told you not to fuck me around. That was like the one thing I asked for. And all he could say was that he was talking to one of the boys and hes worried about the friendship being fucked up etc. I was just like omg I cant believe you said that. So I said well decide what you feelings are and let me know. Cause unless he does that its gonna go no where. Which I already see it doing.
Maybe I should just booty call my hot friend that I met in town. Like im so impaitenet you wouldn’t believe it. And surely you would think thatafter a good 6 weeks of this he would know what he wants! Err it makes me mad and it upsets me but then at the sametime like sometimes im really superficial and when I see a few aspects of him im def not interested. Haha but im a fussy bitch and I think I should get what I deserve.
On another note I had a dream last night about my ex. Cause im going away for new years to the town next to where he lives I guess hes been on my mind. Theres something about him tho. Like the sex and the connection. Bt mostly the sex haha. So anyway in my dream me n my mate were running late to catch our plane and then we finally got there and everyone else was there (which is weird cause we all have separate nye plans) and I went to say good bye to my ex and I was crying and really upset. And he looked at me and just said “ don’t cry I don’t love you anymore.” When I woke up I felt so relieved.. like maybe that was my minds way of telling me ive let go of him. I dot really think of him nymore as something im missing. More so now hes just like this amwzing guy that was my first love. And I will be greatful for all the stuff we went thru together. But I guess I don’t want him anymore. This is progress for me too I think.
I just needa find me some fun for now! Im over having no fun! Its been 7 months! That is way too long. Although there was reasoning behind it which I havnt told anyone except my best friends. I was sleeping with this guy for awhile in march n april. We had fun n it was just that. There were no feelings involved at all and it was like he would come over at night, we would have a few drinks, go to bed n then he would leave. Eventually it just all ended. And that was fine! He wasn’t that great in bed anyhow lol. But about a month after that I suffered a miscarriage. And it sucked. I had an idea that I was pregnant but I never got it confirmed. Which by the way for all you haters. Yeas I have been pregnant 3 times. And yes I have aborted one baby and lost another. But that is my shit and it is the most painful thing in the world to go thru. So if you wanna comment don’t ever say shit about that.
I guess ive been thiking a lot lately about how I have trust issues. And how I want a baby. I know im not supposed to think that way but I see so many people a lot younger than me having babies. Like why couldn’t I do that? This post is a little bit fuzzy as to what its about lol so sorry.
Thank god its Friday. Im so over work and cant wait to kick back in the sun with my girls and watch my big bruv play soccer! And tonight were going out to the beach to let off some fireworks and lax. And maybe just maybe I will get to see some boy action :P
So the contents of the text? All this stuff about how hes a little confused about what happened on Saturday etc and that hes not sure what he wants cause hes got so much family stuff going on and all this crap. So I text him back and I was just like I told you not to fuck me around. That was like the one thing I asked for. And all he could say was that he was talking to one of the boys and hes worried about the friendship being fucked up etc. I was just like omg I cant believe you said that. So I said well decide what you feelings are and let me know. Cause unless he does that its gonna go no where. Which I already see it doing.
Maybe I should just booty call my hot friend that I met in town. Like im so impaitenet you wouldn’t believe it. And surely you would think thatafter a good 6 weeks of this he would know what he wants! Err it makes me mad and it upsets me but then at the sametime like sometimes im really superficial and when I see a few aspects of him im def not interested. Haha but im a fussy bitch and I think I should get what I deserve.
On another note I had a dream last night about my ex. Cause im going away for new years to the town next to where he lives I guess hes been on my mind. Theres something about him tho. Like the sex and the connection. Bt mostly the sex haha. So anyway in my dream me n my mate were running late to catch our plane and then we finally got there and everyone else was there (which is weird cause we all have separate nye plans) and I went to say good bye to my ex and I was crying and really upset. And he looked at me and just said “ don’t cry I don’t love you anymore.” When I woke up I felt so relieved.. like maybe that was my minds way of telling me ive let go of him. I dot really think of him nymore as something im missing. More so now hes just like this amwzing guy that was my first love. And I will be greatful for all the stuff we went thru together. But I guess I don’t want him anymore. This is progress for me too I think.
I just needa find me some fun for now! Im over having no fun! Its been 7 months! That is way too long. Although there was reasoning behind it which I havnt told anyone except my best friends. I was sleeping with this guy for awhile in march n april. We had fun n it was just that. There were no feelings involved at all and it was like he would come over at night, we would have a few drinks, go to bed n then he would leave. Eventually it just all ended. And that was fine! He wasn’t that great in bed anyhow lol. But about a month after that I suffered a miscarriage. And it sucked. I had an idea that I was pregnant but I never got it confirmed. Which by the way for all you haters. Yeas I have been pregnant 3 times. And yes I have aborted one baby and lost another. But that is my shit and it is the most painful thing in the world to go thru. So if you wanna comment don’t ever say shit about that.
I guess ive been thiking a lot lately about how I have trust issues. And how I want a baby. I know im not supposed to think that way but I see so many people a lot younger than me having babies. Like why couldn’t I do that? This post is a little bit fuzzy as to what its about lol so sorry.
Thank god its Friday. Im so over work and cant wait to kick back in the sun with my girls and watch my big bruv play soccer! And tonight were going out to the beach to let off some fireworks and lax. And maybe just maybe I will get to see some boy action :P
Sunday, November 9, 2008
A little update
Yay its Monday! I have my soccer semi finals tonight so that should be great! I’m already amping for it and were playing the team that I fully don’t like so it should be an interesting game! And I think M may be coming to watch as well. I saw him on Saturday night and he was asking where I play etc so I don’t know. I told him not to come so I could avoid the embarrassment but ya never know! And of course ive changed my mind cause I want him to come secretly…
I had the weirdest dream last night about my ex. Like we were these crime fighting heroes together lol and we had glasses that shot lasers and everyone would melt. So weird! I’m starting to get really excited about my trip away which is in 6 weeks. Ive gotta sort so much stuff out before I go and I need a hot ass dress to wear for new years so I gotta start looking for that! I just can’t wait to be in the sun!
I had the weirdest dream last night about my ex. Like we were these crime fighting heroes together lol and we had glasses that shot lasers and everyone would melt. So weird! I’m starting to get really excited about my trip away which is in 6 weeks. Ive gotta sort so much stuff out before I go and I need a hot ass dress to wear for new years so I gotta start looking for that! I just can’t wait to be in the sun!
Monday, November 3, 2008
thoughts?
Work is so frustrating today! I am feeling fully overworked and underpaid and it so doestn help that I screwed my shoulder last night at my soccer game! Man I felt like I sucked when we were playing! And it didn’t help we were playing this asshole team that I seem to have prolems with lol. One of the last times we were playing one of there team said something really rude to me then didn’t even shake my hand after the game! So I being who I am yelled at him in front of everyone haha and he ended up apologizing…and carlos has this thing where him and one of there players almost kill each other every game we play…so its never a good game really!
It made me feel so unfit! Like I was nearly vomiting from all the physical parts of it haha I suppose I shouldn’t laugh really! Im super glad M didn’t end up playing! Now that would have been so embarrassing! Haha I really freeze up when I have an audience buut I think I need to get past that cause I mean im not shy in other parts of my life.
Ive been doing so much thinking about M and I finally voiced some of it to my girls last night. Like I like him at night when were sitting around having a few drinks and hanging out etc but then in the morning its all like so different and I find myself thinking hmm am I attracted to him? Is this completely shallow? Like I feel like a bitch but I guess after all the times ive been fucked around I have high standards and I refuse to go back to someone that im not attracted to…ya know?
Ewww speaking of blast from the past I was at my family dinner the other night when my uncles gf whos 22 bought up the EX. Man that was awkward…I guess cause we were all close in age and used to spend a bit of time together it was a fair enough question…but as well I think it was good…like I was able to answer her questions honestly…when I said I didn’t know what he was upto and didn’t care I think I meant it… he was my first love and I don’t regret any of our time together…but I think I can finally let go…so what if I wear the necklace he gave me for my 17th birthday lol. I get so many compliments on it and I love it…not just for the sentimental value either….
I guess I finally feel like im making some progress!
On another note, I think one of my flatmates in going to move out…me n him had this thing like over a year ago and I found out last night hes still not letting it go…no matter what I do he seems to have this thing where he wont let go of me…and I don’t know how to really put it out there without letting him know what my friend told me…hmm it’s a tough situation cause I don’t want him to feel unwelcome in thhe house and I don’t wanna cause tension…even tho im not sure exactly how im doing it… errr! Its just annoying lol!
It made me feel so unfit! Like I was nearly vomiting from all the physical parts of it haha I suppose I shouldn’t laugh really! Im super glad M didn’t end up playing! Now that would have been so embarrassing! Haha I really freeze up when I have an audience buut I think I need to get past that cause I mean im not shy in other parts of my life.
Ive been doing so much thinking about M and I finally voiced some of it to my girls last night. Like I like him at night when were sitting around having a few drinks and hanging out etc but then in the morning its all like so different and I find myself thinking hmm am I attracted to him? Is this completely shallow? Like I feel like a bitch but I guess after all the times ive been fucked around I have high standards and I refuse to go back to someone that im not attracted to…ya know?
Ewww speaking of blast from the past I was at my family dinner the other night when my uncles gf whos 22 bought up the EX. Man that was awkward…I guess cause we were all close in age and used to spend a bit of time together it was a fair enough question…but as well I think it was good…like I was able to answer her questions honestly…when I said I didn’t know what he was upto and didn’t care I think I meant it… he was my first love and I don’t regret any of our time together…but I think I can finally let go…so what if I wear the necklace he gave me for my 17th birthday lol. I get so many compliments on it and I love it…not just for the sentimental value either….
I guess I finally feel like im making some progress!
On another note, I think one of my flatmates in going to move out…me n him had this thing like over a year ago and I found out last night hes still not letting it go…no matter what I do he seems to have this thing where he wont let go of me…and I don’t know how to really put it out there without letting him know what my friend told me…hmm it’s a tough situation cause I don’t want him to feel unwelcome in thhe house and I don’t wanna cause tension…even tho im not sure exactly how im doing it… errr! Its just annoying lol!
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
THE REMAINING STORY
So to continue, I hooked up with Mr. cheat and from then on we were together. We had this fantastic start to our relationship. He told me he loved me after 3 weeks and I know he meant it. Until that is our first bump in the road. Now I know hes always maintained that he was innocent and never had feelings for her, we discovered that his last gf now had cancer. And he took it pretty hard. So things were a bit rocky there for awhile. Then we managed to finish that year of school and everything was good and when I say good it was great. We had this amazing thing were he could read my mind and I could read his. Everything about us was perfect. He was so cute and we had the same tastes in so many things.
Then a few months into our last year at school we realized that I hadn’t yet had my monthly. And I was tiered and sick and just not great. So we spent a coupe of days waiting and worrying before our appointment trying to decided what to do. When the day finally came and the test came back positive…I just couldn’t believe it. I cried so much. Shortly after that we did all the routine stuff and went to the clinic to get an abortion. The most heart breaking thing was while we were sitting there Mr. cheat asked me to leave so we could go and have the baby.
After it all happened we went back to his house and spent the night chilling which was good because I needed him so much. But that wasn’t gonna last cause Mr. cheat decided to take off to Hamilton the next day and not tell me where he was. I was so worried and just couldn’t handle it. I was mourning the loss of my child and trying to get my relationship back on track. A few days later I ended up in hospital cause I wasn’t looking after my self. I finally managed to get him too come back for the night but he took off again the next day.. it was such a bad time in my life and probably his too.
After a few months our relationship started to take a bit of a down turn and he ended up ending things with me. Only problem was that we couldn’t stay away from each other and seemed to be more in love than ever. We both did the most spiteful things during that time. He had two gfs and I slept with one of his friends and hooked up with another, it was the ultimate in slutty times for me. I was always ready and willing to give in to mr cheat during that time cause I wanted him back soo bad even tho he was always so bad too me. He never thought bout me once durting that time and whenever it looked like I was going to break his hold over me he would always pull himself back in.
After two months of this I had had enough. I told him I couldn’t do it anymore and a few days later he came running back. He cried and apologized and it all seemed so much better. We moved in together out of the city and it was bliss. We had soo much fun and things were back too normal. Except for one thing. All of a sudden he was moving to the south island. And he didn’t know what he wanted from me blah blah blah. Eventually it was decided I would stay in the city until he had it all set up and then move down to be with him.
It was the hardest 2 months of my life and I could only afford to visit once in that time. I was missing him big time and finding it very hard to stay outta trouble. I had his friends all hitting on me and when I wouldn’t agree they would call him up and tell him bullshit and get him mad…now im sure you can figure out the rest of the story…I moved down there and found out he cheadted on me so after giving up my whole life for him I came straight back up to the city. I woulda thought that would be the end but it made it throught the grapevie that I had a new bf. And so of course he started chasing me and he wanted me back. It went on like this for months until I dumped my bf for him and he decided he wasn’t interested anymore. After awhile I decided he wasn’t worth it till I got a phone call at the end of last year from him… he was telling me we were gonna get married when we were the right age and have kids and it was all gonna bebreat. I couldn’t believe this guy….
Simce then ive had a couple of guys in my life but ive just never been able too move on…and now its like ive got theses two great guys around but im holding something back…hmm I don’t know im so confudsed. How do I make myself get over this guy!
Then a few months into our last year at school we realized that I hadn’t yet had my monthly. And I was tiered and sick and just not great. So we spent a coupe of days waiting and worrying before our appointment trying to decided what to do. When the day finally came and the test came back positive…I just couldn’t believe it. I cried so much. Shortly after that we did all the routine stuff and went to the clinic to get an abortion. The most heart breaking thing was while we were sitting there Mr. cheat asked me to leave so we could go and have the baby.
After it all happened we went back to his house and spent the night chilling which was good because I needed him so much. But that wasn’t gonna last cause Mr. cheat decided to take off to Hamilton the next day and not tell me where he was. I was so worried and just couldn’t handle it. I was mourning the loss of my child and trying to get my relationship back on track. A few days later I ended up in hospital cause I wasn’t looking after my self. I finally managed to get him too come back for the night but he took off again the next day.. it was such a bad time in my life and probably his too.
After a few months our relationship started to take a bit of a down turn and he ended up ending things with me. Only problem was that we couldn’t stay away from each other and seemed to be more in love than ever. We both did the most spiteful things during that time. He had two gfs and I slept with one of his friends and hooked up with another, it was the ultimate in slutty times for me. I was always ready and willing to give in to mr cheat during that time cause I wanted him back soo bad even tho he was always so bad too me. He never thought bout me once durting that time and whenever it looked like I was going to break his hold over me he would always pull himself back in.
After two months of this I had had enough. I told him I couldn’t do it anymore and a few days later he came running back. He cried and apologized and it all seemed so much better. We moved in together out of the city and it was bliss. We had soo much fun and things were back too normal. Except for one thing. All of a sudden he was moving to the south island. And he didn’t know what he wanted from me blah blah blah. Eventually it was decided I would stay in the city until he had it all set up and then move down to be with him.
It was the hardest 2 months of my life and I could only afford to visit once in that time. I was missing him big time and finding it very hard to stay outta trouble. I had his friends all hitting on me and when I wouldn’t agree they would call him up and tell him bullshit and get him mad…now im sure you can figure out the rest of the story…I moved down there and found out he cheadted on me so after giving up my whole life for him I came straight back up to the city. I woulda thought that would be the end but it made it throught the grapevie that I had a new bf. And so of course he started chasing me and he wanted me back. It went on like this for months until I dumped my bf for him and he decided he wasn’t interested anymore. After awhile I decided he wasn’t worth it till I got a phone call at the end of last year from him… he was telling me we were gonna get married when we were the right age and have kids and it was all gonna bebreat. I couldn’t believe this guy….
Simce then ive had a couple of guys in my life but ive just never been able too move on…and now its like ive got theses two great guys around but im holding something back…hmm I don’t know im so confudsed. How do I make myself get over this guy!
The start of Me!
Ok so right now im sitting here and im feeling really selfish. I just got off the phone with Gen my best friend of 8 years and she made me really mad. We have this big plan to go away this weekend for labour weekend on the most awesome girls weekend But im broke. So were all doing this on sorta the cheap way but we all agreed. Mean while her and my friend were planning all this extra stuff behind my back like taking an extra car etc that would end up costing us so much more etc. and so yeah I got mad! Is that selfish?
So this situation with my old school firend whos now back in my life is so weird. Like he only ever texts me at night and never really has much to say. So im not getting the vibe that hes interested in me. But I dunno like I could be wrong or I could be trying to put too much onto something that im not ready for or am only doing to please my family.
I was inspired by one of the other bloggers to give you guys the full run down on my ex. This is probably going to sound so stupid cause its been 2 years since we broke up but I still cant get him outta my head.
I used to be the most serial dater I guess even at the young age of 16. I always had guys scomin in and out of my life and I never really showed any from of regard for there feelings. That is until I met this guy. I had been with my bf for a month when I met mr cheat cause he started at my high school. We just like clicked instantly. It was so funny cause all our friends 2would be like hey you guys should be together blah blah. Even my bf at the time would sit there asking me if I was gonna leave him for mr cheat-what can I say I musta been showing- I would always deny it and so would mr cheat. He was such a palyer and I so didn’t wanna get hurt. Eventually after us hanging out for like 4 months I started to click I had feelings for him. And from what id heard he wanted me just as bad. It all came to a head when we went on a school trip away. We eneded up zipped into our sleeping bags next to each other and one thing led to another and we hooked up…
I think im gonna have to finish this later..ive got soo much work to do and my break is over!
So this situation with my old school firend whos now back in my life is so weird. Like he only ever texts me at night and never really has much to say. So im not getting the vibe that hes interested in me. But I dunno like I could be wrong or I could be trying to put too much onto something that im not ready for or am only doing to please my family.
I was inspired by one of the other bloggers to give you guys the full run down on my ex. This is probably going to sound so stupid cause its been 2 years since we broke up but I still cant get him outta my head.
I used to be the most serial dater I guess even at the young age of 16. I always had guys scomin in and out of my life and I never really showed any from of regard for there feelings. That is until I met this guy. I had been with my bf for a month when I met mr cheat cause he started at my high school. We just like clicked instantly. It was so funny cause all our friends 2would be like hey you guys should be together blah blah. Even my bf at the time would sit there asking me if I was gonna leave him for mr cheat-what can I say I musta been showing- I would always deny it and so would mr cheat. He was such a palyer and I so didn’t wanna get hurt. Eventually after us hanging out for like 4 months I started to click I had feelings for him. And from what id heard he wanted me just as bad. It all came to a head when we went on a school trip away. We eneded up zipped into our sleeping bags next to each other and one thing led to another and we hooked up…
I think im gonna have to finish this later..ive got soo much work to do and my break is over!
Monday, October 20, 2008
First...
Ok so i randomly stumbled upon these blogs a cpuple of weeks ago and theyve been sorta fascinating me ever since...and i love my friends but i dont think any of them really get where im coming from...
So to give you the lowdown on me...
Im 20 years old and i work as a credit controller and i love my job...altho i do think i have a tendancy to be slack which i am trying to fix...i live in a house with my best friends...Gen (best friend for 9 years), Carlos ( best friends bf and now like a big brother to me), Nic ( an awesome chick i met like 6months ago) and Shane (Carls big brother and royal pain in the ass.). I have the best relationship with my mum and im not currently on speaking terms with my dad. My mum and dad broke up when i was 16 and it forced me to grow up majorly..which is also about the time things went wrong.
Ok so this whole blog idea came about thanks to me trying to get back into the whole dating scene after i got heart broken two years ago.
There was this guy who i will call The Cheat..we were together for two and a bit years and he wa my first love...we went through so much together...an abortion..long distance...cheating...family stuff and we still managed to survive most of it.. that is until i moved to be with him and left everyone behind and found out he cheated on me while we were doig the whole long distance thing. at the same time i was also pregnant again. how unfair is that. i know people who read this( if they do) will be like omg at what i say next but im glad that i miscarryed. so i moved back home and since then ive just sorta madwe bad choice after bad choice while sorta clinging onto the hope that me and this guy will some how get back together. How deluded is that?
After quite some time of being single and loving it i got this random email from this guy i went to school with. and since then weve been talking and texting and emailing each other and ive seen him a few times. but its like if he flirts with me and i flirt back he shuts down. Like hello what am i not allowed to make a move or am i coming onto strong im so confused!
Onto the other men in my life..So my good friend Carlos has this HOT!!!!! friend who only wants one night stands...and after 6 months of no action im about ready to try n get him interested. even tho that ges against my whole system. I mean i dont do one night stands.
I had for awhile this guy i was sleepng with but he was a COCK to me and that ended back in april and there hasnt really been anyone since.
Also its hard when one of my room mates seems to have this crush that shoulda been gone a year ago! He just loves to make it diffucult for me! But hmmm perhaps i should do some work like im here for!
So to give you the lowdown on me...
Im 20 years old and i work as a credit controller and i love my job...altho i do think i have a tendancy to be slack which i am trying to fix...i live in a house with my best friends...Gen (best friend for 9 years), Carlos ( best friends bf and now like a big brother to me), Nic ( an awesome chick i met like 6months ago) and Shane (Carls big brother and royal pain in the ass.). I have the best relationship with my mum and im not currently on speaking terms with my dad. My mum and dad broke up when i was 16 and it forced me to grow up majorly..which is also about the time things went wrong.
Ok so this whole blog idea came about thanks to me trying to get back into the whole dating scene after i got heart broken two years ago.
There was this guy who i will call The Cheat..we were together for two and a bit years and he wa my first love...we went through so much together...an abortion..long distance...cheating...family stuff and we still managed to survive most of it.. that is until i moved to be with him and left everyone behind and found out he cheated on me while we were doig the whole long distance thing. at the same time i was also pregnant again. how unfair is that. i know people who read this( if they do) will be like omg at what i say next but im glad that i miscarryed. so i moved back home and since then ive just sorta madwe bad choice after bad choice while sorta clinging onto the hope that me and this guy will some how get back together. How deluded is that?
After quite some time of being single and loving it i got this random email from this guy i went to school with. and since then weve been talking and texting and emailing each other and ive seen him a few times. but its like if he flirts with me and i flirt back he shuts down. Like hello what am i not allowed to make a move or am i coming onto strong im so confused!
Onto the other men in my life..So my good friend Carlos has this HOT!!!!! friend who only wants one night stands...and after 6 months of no action im about ready to try n get him interested. even tho that ges against my whole system. I mean i dont do one night stands.
I had for awhile this guy i was sleepng with but he was a COCK to me and that ended back in april and there hasnt really been anyone since.
Also its hard when one of my room mates seems to have this crush that shoulda been gone a year ago! He just loves to make it diffucult for me! But hmmm perhaps i should do some work like im here for!
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