Catty bullshit is so stupid!

Man I hate computers sometimes. I had the longest blog that I have done in forever written and my comp dies slowly and painfully. Therefore I am forced to to bullet point my current grieveances to you my loyal blog readers.

- Gen n Carl broke up in April.
- Tonz started going out with a guy called Jordon in April
- Gen n Jordon decided to flat together
- They moved in together in June
- Toni n Jordon broke up in June
- Rumors started going around about Gen n Jordon in July
- I heard them from someone but didn’t pass them on
- I currently have tonsillitis so I was home on Thursday n Friday last week.
- Carl came home from work in a huff on Friday cause Toni the fat whore was trying to blame our house aka me as the source of the rumors.
- Gen issued a text to everyone saying they weren’t true etc
- Carl told gen to go fuck herself
- Me n the boys went out on Friday night and laxed
- Some guys tried to jump Carlos.
- Carlos was fine.
- Went out for lunch on Saturday with shane followed by a trip to the carlos’ soccer game
- Was ignored by the girls who were already there in the most bitchy catty was possible
- Wanted to wipe the smug smile off their rude little faces
- Carl had dinenr with nicola last night who bitched something chronic about me being rude on the phone
- Is it rude not to disturb someone who is trying to put a baby to sleep?

Im so freaking over the catty bullshit games. Does anyone have some words of wisdom for me so I can stop thinking about what I did to deserve this? I don’t want them to effect me!

Inspired!

So I just applied for the loan for me to do a distance learning course in travel and tourism. I think its what I need to get started in the business of event management and its only 10-20 hours per week so I can keep working. I will also qualify for an accommodation supplement which will help if its too hard! I really feel like im in a good place at the moment. Ive finally found the determination to put a diet in place. I want to be healthy! I can barely look at myself in the mirror at the moment and I know that im just lazy. Ive started a healthy eating plan and I will achieve it. Im playing soccer and kickboxing and we will be starting a netball team shortly so im going to be busy but I think that it will be completely worth it in the end.

I don’t have any new dramas to report! Cant say im sad about that! Ill let you know as my healthy eating progresses! Wish me luck! I know I can do this! Im gonna leave you with my thought of the week.. as I have been musing in the quiet of my bedroom about my loss of people in my life I came across this and it gave me what I needed to move on..

“No love, no friendship, can cross the path of our destiny without leaving some mark on it forever.” --Francois Mocuriac

I was tagged...

Blog InterrogationThe Rules:
1. Pass this on to 4 people.
2. Answer the following questions using only one word.

1. Where is your cell phone? Next to me!
2. Where is your significant other? Don’t have one *sniff sniff
3. Your hair color? Brown with blonde highlights just like Miss chatterbox
4. Your mother? Irreplaceable, amazing, fantastic, the best…
5. Your father? love him to pieces. We fight but were always there for each other!
6. Your favorite thing? Just relaxing. Being with my family..
7. Your dream last night? Haha I had a dream that I was super fit and flaunting it for all my exes!
8. Your dream/goal? Figure out what I want to do.. travel the world!
9. The room you're in? my open plan office
10. Your hobby? Soccer and kickboxing.. watching sports… sports…
11. Your fear? The dark.. or more whats hiding in it!
12. Where do you want to be in 6 years? Travelling and seeing whats out there..
13. Where were you last night? Umm at the mall getting dinner with the boys and getting a new haircut!
14. What you're not? In love..
15. One of your wish-list items? A new computer!
16. Where you grew up? Right here!
17. The last thing you did? Spoke to an angry customer *sigh*
18. What are you wearing? Jean shorts, ripcurl zip up hoody, scarf, slip on shoes and a singlet with a bow on it!
19. Your TV? In my room but serves more as a shelf!
20. Your pet? Marley the cat who really belongs to carl…
21. Your computer? My work one..
22. Your mood? Relaxed..
23. Missing someone? My girls..
24. Your car? Desperately need a new one.
25. Something you're not wearing? My watch!
26. Favorite store? Umm my sisters keeper or memoirs of a geisha..
27. Your summer? Average…
28. Love someone? My fambam and the boys and a few select others..
29. Your favorite color? Pink30. When is the last time you laughed? Last night when our new flatmate walked upto the house in time to hear carl saying some embarrassing things haha
31. Last time you cried? This morning on the traim reading a sad book!
32. Are you a bitch? thats what they tell me
33. Favorite Position? Hahaha umm my legs on their shoulders!
34. Favorite Past Time? Reading in the sun with a jug of something cool next to me!
35. Are you a hater or a lover? Lover♥
37. Are you genuine or fake? Genuine. I will not hesitate to tell you how it is. If im going to say something I know that I will gladly tell the other person if need be!
38. Any Vices? Ugh I still think about cuiggies too much!
39. Pro Life or Wire Hanger?i think its circumstantial..
40. McCAIN or OBAMA? Obama
41. Pro Plastic or Natural? Natural...
42. Dream Job? I have no idea.. event management!

Soo my 4peoples will be:
1.Steph.. I dunno if you’ve been tagged but oh well haha!

beyond excitement....

I’m so freaking excited. I’m going to see pearl jam live in concert in November! And my mums paying for it… I seriously can’t believe they offered this. Sucks that I have to take my sister with me but at the same time I don’t give a flying fuck because I’m going! Pearl jam are legendary! I grew up listening to them being that my parents are so young. The album Ten always holds memories of summer and I can drift away when I’m listening to it. It will be like my first concert as well which another awesome feat in its self. Ben Harpers coming too! I’m over the freaking moon haha I cant contain my excitement. Very shortly I will be sitting on the internet trying to get presale tickets for me and blister. The boys have already got theirs! Wish me luck!

Shock..

So be prepared… as you read on you will find tales of violence, dramatics, cheating hearts and general debauchery!

Haha ok so where do I start? Had an awesome weekend this weekend. Friday night me n Shane went to the R.S.A (returned services association) with my mummy and stepdad for dinner and some drinks and pool. Was fun just hanging out and they have the best food! After that we stopped and I got a bottle of wine and headed back to mine. Carlos came home like 5mins later and we just sat around talking for ages and hanging out! I and Carl had the most awesome play fight lol and I managed to clock him in the face a few times. Yay for boxing gloves. Shane filmed it so I should put it on here one day!

On Saturday we cleaned up at home and laxed around the house. I did some general girly things and hung out with the boys. At like 7 we jumped in a taxi and headed to Josh and Brees for pre drinks before hitting town for Brees bday. For like the first hour it was just us and these two little 17 year old gangster wannabes haha but then a few of our other friends started arriving and soon we were all heading towards the drunkenness haha. It was a little awkward when Tony showed up but in the end I was just like fuck it man i'm just gonna go with the flow. None of us felt like hitting town by the time 11 was approaching so we decided just to get Bree a little bit drunker so we could go to the local bar instead and so we headed there. Me and Danielle hit up the dance floor straight away and there was an awesome band playing! It was such an awesome night. After like an hour we went outside to cool down and I walked up to Carl and Shane in time to hear him saying that he had cheated on gen multiple times… I couldn’t fucking believe it. I’m still in shock now! Apparently he was cheating every chance he could for a year with mine and gens best mate from school. I’m disappointed in him you know. I cant believe most of all though that Jess would do this to gen... They were best mates from the age of two till like a year ago...

Its crazy and I don’t know how to be around Jess. I think I’m overreacting but I just cant believe she would possibly so hurtful to Gen. it’s the ultimate betrayal. Carl is currently wracked with some serious guilt which I have ta say he kinda deserves. Am I over reacting?

Yesterday was a good day as well. We went and watched my favorite league team playing and I think there was bout 10,000 people there! I’m super tired today specially cause we went to bed at like 4 on Sunday morning and I woke up at like 8.30 to Carl walking back and forth past my door chanting “wake up” over and over... guess he was bored lol!

Its not ok...

I feel like im slowly unraveling.

Im trying to push on through everything that comes into my head and im trying to be positive about life and only think of the good things but im lost. Ive lost my best friend of 9 years. Ive lost almost all of my girlfriends. I struggle to form relationships with people because I truly wonder if they will leave me like everyone else does. Im constantly watching my back for the next knife cause I no longer have trust in people. The one constant in my life is my family and even then I feel cut off from them cause I don’t have a car so I cant even see them whenever I want to .

I worry that the boys will cut me off. I worry that I will never find love again. I listen to other people talk about their version of THE ONE and ive only met one person who meets tat description. I know in my heart we aren’t the same people anymore. I know that he has changed to someone I can recognize only by the face. Yet I still wonder if he was my only chance.

Am I pathetic? I feel like I am… I have my family and I have a roof over my head. I love a lot of aspects of my life. Am I too young to feel this way? The darkness I can feel eats at me and im retreating more and more into myself. I can feel the tears pricking at my eyes as I write this. I wonder if working everyday gets me anywhere and when will I find friend s who I can actually rely on.. these thoughts run through my head every night..

But then in the morning..

I get up..

I get dressed..

I put my happy face on..

And I walk out into the world and no one ever knows…

E.E. Cummings once wrote; To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing it's best, night and day, to make you everybody else, means to fight the hardest battle, which any human being can fight, and never stop fighting

Will it ever?

So all appears to be quiet on the blogger front at the moment. No one seems to really be updating including me! I guess maybe everyone is just happy. Is it just me or is it always this way when you’re happy? I guess I should be relieved I have no dramatic action to report on..

Its Bree’s birthday this weekend and she’s turning 18 so were taking her for her first night out on the town. Fir us “town” is the central city which is like 15 minutes from anywhere. We have one of the biggest cities in the world! Its pretty cool but at the same time can be a drag when your on your commute to and from work.. Anyways Tony is meant to be coming.. I doubt he will though seeing as though I haven’t seen him since we slept together. Its like he’s avoiding us now.. Or me really..

Am I ever going to meet that one guy that will make my heart stop?
That I can fall asleep with at night?
The person who makes me smile no matter whats going on?
My everything?

Hmm wish me luck!