Drama- leave me alone!

Well my frustration levels with the world are extremely high at the moment. I just cant escape the drama no matter what I do to avoid it.

Yesterday I was talking to my friend Doug on Facebook who you may remember as my part time stalker. Anyway I haven’t seen him in awhile as he moved outta town and when he got back together with his ex we stopped talking, because I’m guessing she didn’t like me anymore. We were just chatting and stuff and I asked him if he had been to Hadley and Nics place and stuff and we chatted a bit about that and then he dropped a bomb on me and told me that Toni had recently tried to commit suicide.

Now being that those bitches walked outta my life 6 months ago and since then have been nothing but pains in my ass, to be brutally honest, I don’t give a flying fuck about any of them. They don’t matter to me in the slightest. Even so hearing that threw me a little and text Carlos to ask him if it was true which he informed me it was. He then asked me if it was alright that he told her that the rumors were out and I told him it was fine but I wasn’t going to say where I heard it from as that’s not my place.

Just a side note to this as well- only five people know about Tonis attention seeking- Carl, Nic, Hads, Gen and Jordon. The person who told Doug was Marc who would’ve been told by Hadley meaning that they all have serious trust issues with each other if you ask me. Shit these bitches can’t even keep something like that a secret from other people. God im glad im out of that twisted shit.

Anyway me and carlos were texting each other about it the whole way home and then he randomly text me to ask when id be home so I could go for dinner with him if I wanted. I said yip and got home and kncked on his bedroom door as he was in there hiding from our flatmate and he was on the phone to toni. As soon as he got off the phone he sprinted out the door pretty much and made me rush out with him and we left to go get some KFC. While we were waiting carlos had a missed call from our home line and I got a text from toni asking me to call her. When we got home I asked aroha why she had called and she said that Toni and nicola had turned up looking for me! despite the fact carl told Toni on the phone that I wasn’t home when she asked to speak to me and despite the fact I didn’t text her back. Then I got another text from her saying “please can you talk to me I know im asking a lot but you don’t understand blah blah please tell me who said it etc”. after about an hour of thinking about it I text her back and said ‘im only texting you back so you don’t come to my house or call me. Im not going to tell you who told me as im not out to shit stir. All will say is that carl did not tell me and whoever you have told has a big mouth.” Then I got another two messages saying I don’t think your stirring bblah blah and all this other shiz so I text her one last time and said “I understand the severity of suicide-I lost my 9 year old cousin so do not try and guilt trip me. if you are having problems dealing with this then I suggest you reach out to one of your friends or seek professional help. I don’t want anything to do with your groups dramas and I closed the chapter on your part of my life a long time ago and im not going to reopen it. I wont be telling you who said it and would appreciate being left alone.”

And thankfully I didn’t hear from her again tho I later found out that nicola was texting carl trying to get him to make me text toni back and when he said they had no right to ask for my help she said “ ask her how shes going to feel if we get a call tomorrow saying tonis dead and she did nothing to help”

Seriously makes me want to cut a bitch aye. Cant believe they would try that shit! Ugh anyway I feel so much better now ive gotten that out. I wasn’t too harsh towards them was i? cause I feel guilty today although I know that shes not really my responsibility..

I finally did it ya'll!

Well I finally relented on Doug and invited him over on Saturday night! I’ve been sooo sick for the last four days! Like I missed work on Thursday cause I had had a headache for the last 3 days and it got quite bad then I started vomiting on Friday! That wasn’t fun! Tho I ate a caramel yoghurt then threw up and it smelt quite nice! Ewww I don’t know why I shared that! It just made my stomach turn lol.

But yeah back to Doug before I vomit again! I decided cause there was no one in the house except Nic n Hadley to let him come over but he had already made plans so I got rejected lol. Nah not really to be fair I did only decide to invite him over at like 8.30! Probably shoulda given him more notice. He kept asking to come over on Saturday but I wouldn’t give him an answer. I guess I find it hard to have him around because everyone gives me so much shit about him and I guess im slightly apprehensive…but anyways I ended up telling him to come watch a DVD- “house bunny” I actually felt dumber after watching it!- so he came round not long after I text him and watched the movie with us..After that we all ended up sitting round and talking while gen n Carl and Nic were in bed. Shane was being so funny and it looked like baby Tonz n Shane were gonna bang again…either that or kill each other haha. Anyways in the end Tonz caught a taxi home and Shane passed out on the couch! I tried to get him to go to bed but all he would do was kick me and call me a “black bastard” in a south African accent. So I told Doug I was tired and kicking him out and he wanted to see my photos before he left. He came in o my room and we talked for a little while then I walked him to the door and he kissed me! And man was it a good kiss. Like we are really good together! In the end I pushed him out the door but I keep thinking about the kiss! Man! Lol do you know what I mean? One of those actual sparks fly first kisses!

So now I don’t know what to do..as bad as it sounds Doug is not my normal type and I feel like everyone is looking down on me for hooking up with him..and him and marc are best friends ya know…like that’s weird. Specially cause he bought it up yesterday…also he only wants one thing…and I don’t know if I would be able to put the emotional barrier up for long.. Hmmm advice guys please!

Up in smoke!

My weekend was my first sober weekend that ive had in awhile! It was pretty good tho! We went to the mall on Friday after work and got some dinner and went to the cd/dvd store and all walked away with something new lol. I bought my 3rd album from incubus who is my favorite ever and was given the fourth by Shane! Yay! I was so happy lol. Gen bought herself a cod and a movie and nick bought “American history X”. Definitely a movie worth watching! We went to the supermarket, bought some munchies and met the boys at home to watch the movie. It was quite interesting to watch the movie with the fact that all my friends are white lol. Me n Nicola nearly had a drama over it. It really pissed me off that she found the rape in the shower scene more disturbing then the racial hate killing scene…I actually couldn’t believe it. It really makes you think tho. In NZ I think we are so lucky to have the diversity and acceptance that we do have!

Me Tonz n nic went out for lunch on Saturday while gen n Carlos went on a date! So cute! Had the yummiest lunch! Then we came home and had a smoke! Haha was so funny. I love it when nic gets wasted. She started speaking to Shane in this English accent for some reason lol. It was bad at one point tho because our neighbor looked out her window and Tonz just pointed and laughed lo. Shane came outside with a massive bud for us “to enjoy your day ladies” so we went inside to watch a movie…Forest Gump! Perfect movie to watch when you’ve had a smoke! It took us like and hour to get the movie going tho cause we couldn’t work out the DVD player lol. Good times! In the end we decided to have another smoke before watching it, then ordered pizza and watched! Was an awesome way to spend the afternoon! We all had nap times and then did a bit of wake and bake and waited for the others to get home so we could go play black light mini golf. The six of us met hads up there and played. Probably one of the funniest games ive ever played. Poor hads was the only straight one lol.. Nic n hads took Tonz home after the game and me Shane and Carlos had another smoke and just sat outside pissing ourselves. Carl when hes stoned is so crazy like you actually just wanna roll on the floor laughing! I wish I had of been taping that shit lol! Once nic n hads got back we took hads outside for a smoke and then gen n Carl went to bed. Me nic Shane and hads started watching stepbrothers but we all fell asleep lol.. I woke up at like 1.30 and hads was on the floor! Shane had gone to bed and I went to bed too! Apparently nic and hads stayed there till out 6 that morning.

I went to my aunties baby shower yesterday! Only 4 more weeks till my cousin is born. I’m so excited! It’s the first grandchild on that side of the family since my sister was born. I think she’s finding it hard that she’s not gonna be the baby of the family anymore lol. Oh well I just cant wait to see and meet the baby! Her name will be ruby! She will be such a princess if she’s anything like my aunty haha. I went to bed so early last night! Me n Shane had a smoke at like 7.30 it was so buzzy! Ive never smoked just with him and being in a house with three other straight people! Not the one mate! Not the one!

On the note of my sister.. Im a little bit worried bout how she’s going to handle my 21st. its in 19 days! Yay! Everytime me n mum talk about it and try to make plans she trys to turn the conversation onto something else or if I bring up my relatives from my biological fathers side she just shuts down completely. There are three of my aunties on my bio dads side coming to my 21dt and I don’t want her to feel funny! Any advice?

Rambling makes no sense post lol

Okay so im gonna tell you guys about doug…hes new to my blog lol ive never really talked about him before! But anyway before I get distracted, hes marcs friend and hes been tryning to get iin my pants something chronic lately…I always resist him and avoid his questions or just say straight up no but now im starting to be like hmmm maybe I should just go for it…and I have to admit I get a little tingle from his texts lol.

The girls and assorted peeps have been giving me shit all weekend for it. We went to pick nic up from her work dinner on Friday night and gen n tonz had already been giving me shit when I started getting texts from all the boys as well…gen n tonz have the song which they passed on- “dougs world, sexy time, excellent, woo woo”- assholes lol. I got so many texts about it the on Friday. We wanted to go swimming on Friday night but by the time wed messed around and gotten coffee etc as we do we were too late for the beach and there were other people there lol.

On Saturday a few people came round and we had laxed drinks playing the gravy train and stuff. I had intended to be alcohol free and just lax cause I was so broke but after I went to bed at like 8.30 to watch desperate housewives re runs, nic n shane came and got me up to take them to the booze shop and said they were gonna buy me some! So of course I ended up drinking…

I just stayed home on Sunday tho and watched Thelma and louise! Loves it! Ive never seen it before lol! Well this blog is pretty much just rambling nonsense but I will keep you updated on hat I decide to do about doug! Hes very sweet actually…he just text me to ask me how I am! Which is always nice to get asked! And carls mum is coming over from aussie tonight so yay we will have some fun times ahead!

Longest of long weekends!

Wow whatta weekend I have just had. We had a long weekend here in NZ to celebrate basically the beginning of our country merging with the English settlers that came here. Its to celebrate the treaty that was signed at the time and luckily for us it fell on a Friday this year so we had a long weekend.

On Thursday night I had my mum, dad, stepdad and sister over for dinner cause it was just me n shane home that night. We all had a few beers and a yummy bbq and it as fun hanging out. Then nicola came home n me n her started on the vodka, apple sours and lemonade combo. Mmm it is such a nice drink. Hads ended up coming round and we were all sitting round when marc text asking if we could pick him up. We decided minus shane just to go to his house and hang out. We ended up waking like three other people up and they all came over and joined us. Marc and the jew were tryna get me to hook up with doug one of their friends whose been texting me for awhile. Was def interesting. There was no way I was going there with doug he isn’t realy my type. And the fact hes also hit on tonz before is off putting as well lol. We ended up going home at about 4.30. was def a long night and I needed my sleep the next morning. Which I so didn’t get lol. I managed to drag nic out with me n mum to see my auntys new house that she just bought with her partner which was cool. Its an amazing house! we just hung out for the day in the sweltering heat then went home to rest and relax. We just ended up having a few drinks at home on Friday with me nic hads shane n tonz. It was a bit of a sad day for me cause it goes back to when I had my abortion. I was due on the 6th of feb so I always end up thinking bout it… and I was drinking gin which I fully cant drink anymore lol. So I stopped drinking and went to bed pretty early after nic seranded me to sleep lol

On Saturday it was all pretty much the same. Laxed during the day and then we went out for dinner that night and then went home and had some drinks. My morning yesterday did not start well tho! I woke up to shane smashing on my bedroom door telling me I needed to move my car. I told him where my keys were and next minute he had taken off in my car down the road! I was so freaking pissed! He doesn’t have a licsense and would have been over the alcohol limit and he didn’t ask me if he could borrow my car just took off. It made me so fucking mad and I still am now. He has yet to say sorry or anything and we havnt even spoken since then. Grr I was mad! That started my day off bad and it went from there. The inconsiderate fucks that I live with were going out last night to get everyone dinner but me! it mad me so mad and upset like hello I live here to! In the end I went n got my own dinner and took off to another friends place. It wasn’t even worth being there causeof how ive been feeling.

Lately I feel very left out etc at home and ive been crying etc everyday. I don’t know whats going on but it sucks. Its my 21st soon and I wanna be there with my best friends not the people formerly known as best friends y aknow. I needa get out of the place that im in mentally at the mo… grrr so annoyed with myself!

Long weekend!

Ok so currently i feel like some sort of topsy turvy spinning top. On thursday night i had my work xmas party and all i remember is that i was soooo drunk! wasnt good lol i didnt/couldnt go to work on friday cause i woke up and was still so drunk! haha its a good thing my boss had already given me n my work mate the day off! i ended up throwing up out my window after i got home cause i was like asleep then woke up to the world spinning haha. was a good night tho and im really glad i went!

so friday was spent having lunch with my besties and just hangin out at home. was pretty good to relax like that really. i had lunch with all three of them lol so that was probably the best part of the day. one of my besties tonz got some bad news on thursday so we went out for a quiet coffee at the beach on friday night. was pretty cool just to grab some starbucks and lax back with the other three. things at home have been pretty intense so its always like everyones trying to escape the house i guess.

i had a good sleep in saturdy then just went n did some xmas shopping and hung out with nic at home before we had to go to the bbq at Marcs house. now this is where it gets interesting. we were some of the first people to arrive so we were just laxing and hanging out which was so good. tonz was on a really bad buzz cause her sister who might have breast cancer had been back tothe doctor and they told her there were now lumps in her lymph nodes. so its not looking good at the moment. so me n tonz were hanging out hard out and talking shit as we do. lol i think we scared this 17 year old that plays in marcs team. cause when were altogether we get feisty haha.

after we had eaten a few people started leaving so it ended up being like 10 of us hangin out. marc tonz this guy doug and his gf took off inside and i could see them. next thing i hear is marc going yeah shes hot blah blah blah. i was just like umm ohk what are they talking bout. thhen my phone goes off. its a text from marc sayiing " so what if the whole situation with shane forced me to make a decision that i didnt want to" . i was like umm ohk thats pretty random and asked him what he means. he was just like well i fet like i had to say that i just wanted to be friends cause of all the shit with shane ( being that shane tried to start a fight with him last weekend.) and so i was like well ohk umm you sure your not just drunk and he was like no im not and i want to give whatever we may be a shot...so im not sure whats happening. we spent some time alone lying under the stars cuddled up under blankets which was cool and then i text him when i got home at like 5am and said that i wasnt sure what was happening and he said that he meant what he said.

but then none of us heard from him yesterday so im not sure... i guess its a waiting game.

things at home kinda exploded last night tho... we decided to have a house meeting cause weve been so messy lately etc and it turned into an isssues meeting. which was good but really hard. we needed to get everything out in the open but things with me n nic really turned to shit. she had this friend who fully screwed her over like a year and a half ago and she finds it hard to trust etc. and apparently she thinks im going to do that to her... its so fucked up that she would think i could do something like that to her. and it was like being stabbed it was so painful when she said that. i really cant talk to her or even loook at her. like i know that i havnt been the greatest friend lately because me n her have been fightin but that was just so extreme. it wasnt good. i ended up having one on ones with my boys as well which was cool. me n carlos really sorted out what was wrong which was great. and me n shane even made progress. apparently hes going to say sorry to marc. should be interesting.

oh well time for me to work! cause apparently i owe my boss big time lol

my weekend!

Ok so its Monday again and it’s the first day of December! Omg im freaking out! Only 24 more days till xmas and im going away to one of my most favourite places in the world in like 27 days! Arrrrggghhhh! So exciting!

Well this weekend was certainly interesting. Was so fun and relaxing. A group of us went down the line to a town about 2 and a half hours away to relax! Tonz aunty has a huge place with a kiwifruit orchard etc and a pool and its so fantastic to lax cause its where we went for our girls weeknd last month. We headed down there at about 4ish on Saturday and it was a tight squeeze in the car. Me tonz G Carlos n Marc were all crammed in like sardines. The trip down wasn’t too bad just all talking and singin along to the grease lightning sound track haha were so tragic! We got down there at like 7.30uish and grabbed dinner and went out to the house and jumped straight in the pool! It was so hot outside!

Things with me n marc were nothing special at this point. Then we got outta the pool and sat round having a few drinks and taking some photos. I love being a camera whore with my BFF’s haha. Then once tonz aunty had gone to bed we decided to go for a wander in the kiwifruit orchard and have a smoke. That’s about where things got different with me n marc…hes the worst person for giving off mixed messages. Like we came back to the house and we were all pretty wasted and I went to sit outside by myself and he came out and sat right next to me. Like pretty close. And then the others came out and I could just see what they were thinking. We were all talking etc and me n marc were flirting something chronic and it continued that way the whole night. But nothing happened. Its so frustrating cause in the morning I walked in on him n tonz tryna have a talk haha. He was like following me around when we were shopping as well.

But then I started thinking and ive kinda decided that im going to forget bout marc and only see him as a friend. I know that I sound like im really up down with all this stuff but I gotta put these barriers up cause I don’t wanna get hurt and I can see that comin. So im going to try and move on even tho I probably wont haha. I needa get out there and get some action happening haha. I have a bbq at marcs in a couple of weeks so that should be quite interesting! This blog rally has no point other than me getting it all out there haha I feel as if im just rambling!

Woop woop my trip away is only 27 days away! Hopefully I come back from that with lotsa good stories cause im hoping it is one 6 night party lol so should be great. Im a bit worried bout going away with nicola tho cause shes just so funny sometimes and like I don’t want us to be fighting while we are down there and end up coming back hating each other. She told carl the other day that she might be moving out…but she hasn’t told me yet so I wonder when that will be happeneing!!! Anyways my rambling is over! Im going back to work haha.